[Guest]

Hi, pretty new here, but am in dire need of any sort of glimmer of hope to get me through this.

I've been experiencing severe bouts of anxiety/OCD/DP for about two weeks now after a nocturnal panic attack, after having lapsed in taking my meds (that have worked for me over the past 4 years). This isn't my first experience with anxiety/OCD/DP/panic, so you'd think by now I should understand what I'm going through. However, that's not the case.

I'm just frustrated and scared. I'm back on Prozac (80 mg.) and it's only been two weeks, so I realize the reality for me is that it will be another couple of weeks until I'm back to a place where I can begin to cope and really deal with the heart of my issues. However, I worry that I won't be able to get through these next couple of weeks. I think the thing that scared me the most this morning and prompted me to finally post (after lurking for awhile), is that while I was stewing in my thoughts on the way in to work, the thought that "I wish I could just make it stop- I just feel like dying" came into my head- and it scared me. To feel that desperate is a terrifying feeling. I don't want to do anything to hurt myself- I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

I want someone to tell me that it's ok- that you'll have times where you feel fine and there will be times when you can't understand anything around you and your head feels shook up like a snow globe. That us anxious/obsessive DP'ers are prone to self-introspection and questioning ourselves CONSTANTLY. That at our worst, it feels like every moment is a small eternity and reality seems like a cruel illusion and this "stuck" feeling is our true reality. I need reassurance that the reality I felt when I didn't feel this way is the TRUE reality. That I'm going to be ok. That this, too, shall pass if I work hard at concentrating on the present, on good things, on really FEELING my feelings and when I'm strong enough, begin to work on healthy ways of addressing my anxieties and problems in life.

I don't know if I'm looking for reassurance or a glimmer of hope or what. I think that just by having dialogue with others that are going through this might help me feel a little more grounded, as strange as that might seem.

 

[SillyPutty]

YOU WILL BE OK! I have been there. Were you've not really had suicidal thoughts, but feel so desperate that you can identify with people who do.Like now you know how desperate people can be.Then on top if it you feel totally out of control, and since you had the thought pop in your head now your scared you're not sure WHAT you might do! Right? Typical. You are actually normal if you ask me.

Let me ask you, have you been losing alot of sleep lately? I really believe sleep deprivation put me over the edge and the first thing I asked for was something to help me sleep, then I asked for a fast acting med (ativan) and a few weeks off work! Then I read Janines book "Unraveling" and sought professional couseling, I gotta say it's been all uphill so far since Feb this year!

Hope something here helps!

SP

 

[Martinelv]

I want someone to tell me that it's ok- that you'll have times where you feel fine and there will be times when you can't understand anything around you and your head feels shook up like a snow globe.

Everything will be OK. You, as you know, are suffering from DR/DP/Panic. You reason you are terrrified and confused and in need of reassurance is that because the nature of DR/DP amplifies these a thousand fold.

I need reassurance that the reality I felt when I didn't feel this way is the TRUE reality.

Yes, the thought that what we are seeing and experiencing during DR/DP is the 'real' world is very tempting. It's not surprising really, seeing as what we are seeing and feeling is really bizarre, that we think we might be experiencing something that 'normal' people don't. The temptation, or rather - the obsessional thoughts, torments us that we are somehow seeing the word in a 'super-real' manner...or whatever. But I warn you, this simply isn't the case, and you MUST try not to think this. DR/DP is an illness like any other, full stop. Although I'm sure your obsessions are constantly urging you to wallow in some kind of mystical 'DR/DP' enlightement, you're not. You're ill, for one reason or another. The more you think like that, approaching the DR/DP as a illness or something to be rid of, the easier it becomes. The DR/DP slowly ceases to be 'you', or your normal way of life. Remember, DR/DP is NOT out natural state, so don't let it become so.

You're not going mad.
You're not enlightened
You will get better, with time and effort and help and support.
DP IS AN ILLNESS. End of story.

More and more, obsession rumination seems to be at the root (because of anxiety) of Neurotic rumination. Beat that, and you're on your way to recovery. If medication helped you, then get back on it - until you are well enough to try and sort your head out.

Good luck.

 

[Guest]

SillyPutty- Sleep has been ok, not great, but what preceeded the initial panic attack was stress from my job and the business on the side my boyfriend and I are starting, and that's continued through these past couple of weeks. I had a late night a few nights ago working on the side business and only got 3-4 hours of sleep (usually get 8). That might be part of the problem. Also just started my period (granted, this might be too much info, but I wonder if PMS exasperates things), so that might be it too. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd be able to take much time off of work (as much as I'd like to, as I feel burned out from being at a job I haven't enjoyed in 4 years now) as there's too much responsibilities I have to take care of around here. I guess the silver lining to that is that I feel a little bit more grounded in reality by the fact that I'm worried about my job :lol:

Martinelv- you seem like you really have a handle on your DP. What has helped you? I try to think back to things that got me through the last time, but I have such a hard time concentrating and trying to remember things lately. It's as if my thoughts are either running full speed or being mixed up in a blender. I've been trying to stay busy, not trying to self-diagnose myself too much, and taking my meds. Have been trying to read information (such as Janine's book and other anxiety books) on how to cope, but any other suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Sojourner]

Just one thing, kristi. Keep posting here when you need to. You are going to be fine, though, and you will get through this!

 

[peacedove]

Martinelv... how long have you or did you suffer from DP? I read all these posts about things that have helped and even cured DP but I always figure they don't apply to me because I have been in this state for so long.

I first got DP when I was 6. It became constant a couple years after that and has stayed constant since then. I'm 23 now so most of my life has been constant DP. You say DP is not our natural state and don't let it become so. Well I think it's too late for that for me. I don't know what to do.

Sorry kristi if I ruined your thread. You beat DP before I'm sure you can again.