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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you don't know what I mean by "Stage 4," please watch this video

I'm getting really desperate and I'm not sure what I can do anymore. I don't have depersonalization in the way that most of you do. I'm living in the form of it where the body thinks it's about to surely die, a complete shutdown and nervous system freeze, where any sort of stress or anxiety is not even possible anymore, plus having completely no emotion at all whatsoever, just total blankness and immobility, along with feeling out of body, derealized, and all that stuff.

I've been in this state for almost 9 months at this point.

And I'm only 17 YEARS OLD.

I posted about this on here months ago when I was at my wits end and now months later I'm still absolutely no better.

So I'm wondering if there's anyone on these forums that has this form of dp? Please help :((
 

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If you don't know what I mean by "Stage 4," please watch this video

I'm getting really desperate and I'm not sure what I can do anymore. I don't have depersonalization in the way that most of you do. I'm living in the form of it where the body thinks it's about to surely die, a complete shutdown and nervous system freeze, where any sort of stress or anxiety is not even possible anymore, plus having completely no emotion at all whatsoever, just total blankness and immobility, along with feeling out of body, derealized, and all that stuff.

I've been in this state for almost 9 months at this point.

And I'm only 17 YEARS OLD.

I posted about this on here months ago when I was at my wits end and now months later I'm still absolutely no better.

So I'm wondering if there's anyone on these forums that has this form of dp? Please help
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what do you mean with "any sort of stress or anxiety is not even possible anymore " ?
 

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Probably emotionally numb and then any extra stress results in dissociation I would guess. I experience this to some degree, just zone out of conversations or what is happening. Hyper vigilant to the point I can't focus and any sound just distracts me.

Wow I just clicked the video and I posted that video to this site a while ago... I agree with the hypothesis, it makes sense. But unfortunately I don't know how to get back through. One theory I had was to just continuously feel what was happening in my chest/solar plexus in terms of 'emotions' and visceral feelings. In theory I thought this could perhaps take me back out of dissociation as we dissociate when the feelings become too intense. It didn't work for me but can't say I did it that long either.

Have you seen any ideas to take you out of stage 4?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
what do you mean with "any sort of stress or anxiety is not even possible anymore " ?
I mean that I cannot feel anxiety or stress at all. I'm not capable of the fight or flight response anymore. I'm chronically living in a physiological freeze. Life threatening danger can happen (and has) and I'd have no natural anxiety or instinct to move. I'm completely numb, blank, and shutdown, but still awake and able to walk basically.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Probably emotionally numb and then any extra stress results in dissociation I would guess. I experience this to some degree, just zone out of conversations or what is happening. Hyper vigilant to the point I can't focus and any sound just distracts me.

Wow I just clicked the video and I posted that video to this site a while ago... I agree with the hypothesis, it makes sense. But unfortunately I don't know how to get back through. One theory I had was to just continuously feel what was happening in my chest/solar plexus in terms of 'emotions' and visceral feelings. In theory I thought this could perhaps take me back out of dissociation as we dissociate when the feelings become too intense. It didn't work for me but can't say I did it that long either.

Have you seen any ideas to take you out of stage 4?
No, I haven't got a clue what to do. The trauma that caused this so complex and was just repeated low-level trauma that built up, and the trauma and hopeless situation is still active in my life, which is probably why I can't unfreeze becasue it's not "safe." But I can't fight or get away from the traumatizing situation that caused this to happen, so I really don't know how to get out of this.
 

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What kind of trauma you experience?
It's complicated. I have unresolved childhood trauma, but what caused this was having a serious, bed-disabling illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I can't afford to treat becasue my family is so poor. There is no standard treatment available for it, everything has to be alternative and I can't afford supplements or anything to get me to be able to function physically again. I was being verbally abused by my father, he got cancer, there was incident with a gun in my family that was really scary, and I was made to be ashamed about my illness by doctors and I have even more overwhelming events that happened before that with a surgery and stuff. I wanted to be able to work a job, go to college, go out with friends, do normal stuff but I couldn't becasue of my illness and I can't do anything about the illness and was having months of extreme dissociation and panic attacks and so much emotional pain about it and eventually, overnight, I suddenly entered a freeze response becasue I couldn't cope anymore. I did come out of freeze after a month, but 2 weeks later I went back into this "state 4" state becasue the same trauma is still active in my life. My mother made fun of me for thinking I might actually have a chance to go to college and everything and I had so much pressure on me from school and I couldn't do my schoolwork becasue of the severity of my illness, and yeah, idk, there's even more trauma that that but idk how to explain it all, but I went back into shutdown and no emotion and have been living in it for 9 months now.
 

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Really sorry to hear that I am in a similar position. Ever tried meditation to try and calm the body/mind? There is constant tension in my forehead like I am over focused. I have been trying to follow the breath and relax that tension in the head... I've tried millions of things like that though
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Really sorry to hear that I am in a similar position. Ever tried meditation to try and calm the body/mind? There is constant tension in my forehead like I am over focused. I have been trying to follow the breath and relax that tension in the head... I've tried millions of things like that though
Yeah I do meditation but it doesn't do much of anything :(

I have tension in my forehead a lot too, I have tension everywhere, every muscle in my body is constricted and tight and has been for years, idk how to release the tension, it's really uncomfortable.
 

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It's complicated. I have unresolved childhood trauma, but what caused this was having a serious, bed-disabling illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I can't afford to treat becasue my family is so poor. There is no standard treatment available for it, everything has to be alternative and I can't afford supplements or anything to get me to be able to function physically again. I was being verbally abused by my father, he got cancer, there was incident with a gun in my family that was really scary, and I was made to be ashamed about my illness by doctors and I have even more overwhelming events that happened before that with a surgery and stuff. I wanted to be able to work a job, go to college, go out with friends, do normal stuff but I couldn't becasue of my illness and I can't do anything about the illness and was having months of extreme dissociation and panic attacks and so much emotional pain about it and eventually, overnight, I suddenly entered a freeze response becasue I couldn't cope anymore. I did come out of freeze after a month, but 2 weeks later I went back into this "state 4" state becasue the same trauma is still active in my life. My mother made fun of me for thinking I might actually have a chance to go to college and everything and I had so much pressure on me from school and I couldn't do my schoolwork becasue of the severity of my illness, and yeah, idk, there's even more trauma that that but idk how to explain it all, but I went back into shutdown and no emotion and have been living in it for 9 months now.
It might not be as complicated as you are making it out to be. I don't know, of course, I've never met you. But in abstract terms, when you are suffering from an illness that is effecting your body and 'mind', it makes everything more difficult. And when you can't get a diagnosis for your condition, it's always concluded that it must be psychological (this has been true throughout the history of medicine, and we never seem to be able to get our heads out of our asses enough to realize that doctors are not gods, and we do not know everything). As far as I'm aware, chronic fatigue syndrome is still just that: a collection of symptoms. We still have no idea what 'it' is in etiological terms (and 'it' is most likely the consequence of several different problems).

I'm sorry about your living situation. It sounds brutal, and I can't imagine what you've been dealing with. Unless you've dissociated directly as a result of this childhood trauma, I would try to disabuse the notion that it is the source of your issues. And what does that even mean that they are "unresovled"? It feels like that is probably a red herring, at least with respect to your general functioning issues.

Your financial situation seems dire, but would it be possible to have friends or anyone in your life help support you with the supplements that are recommended for your chronic fatigue? Perhaps you could set up a gofundme account or something? I don't know, I've never done that before, just throwing out ideas.

I do feel that the first order of business is to try to get your body and mind working at a reasonable level again. I don't know what it would take for that to happen, but I doubt you can deal with the life stresses you are experiencing without figuring that out first.
 

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Same tension everywhere. Have been trying to focus on tension wherever my mind wanders to in the body. It's always there somewhere but I think having awareness of it is key. I don't 'try' to relax I just become aware of tension in my body and it relaxes in its own time
 

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I have the same thing just real pure dissociation. My mind is literally stuck go to your nearest hospital get help. I'm on Adderall Wellbutrin abilify and Klonopin all help control my symptoms but have yet to get rid of it. I overcame my trauma but I'm still stuck idk why
 

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Something about your post clicks with me a bit.... I had a long history of childhood trauma which resulted into even more trauma in my 20's. The best thing I can recommend is to take a step back from that which is triggering your dissociation maybe? Like, for example, if it is your parent who is a trigger, making time to stay away from them and be around positive people/things/activities instead. I feel that the body can go into an autopilot kind of mode when it's overwhelmed emotionally or psychologically. By taking a step back and surrounding yourself with calming/positive people or activities this might give your body and brain a chance to rest, to get out of that state. A chance to relax. I have suspected that maybe for some people dp/dr is a form of escape and protection and when it feels 'safe' our body recovers. But I know that is not the whole of it, you have to confront what is scaring your body and brain in the first place I think. I don't know that much but I hope you really feel better. It might help a LOT to see a counselor (even if it's a school counselor) or a psych doctor and tell them about how you are feeling. If you ever need someone to talk to on here, I'm all ears :) Best of luck!
 
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