i am here once again
i developed this huge fear of losing control a few weeks ago, but its switching to questioning if i could kill someone. I am a very sensitive person, I feel bad when i kill a fly, literally. I have had scary thoughts of killing someone when ive seen some murder case on the news, and it has caused me anxiety. but never this much. I woke up this morning and I thought what if i want to slap someone. So the spiral began and soon I was thinking, what if I kill my parents? I started questioning if its possible, what if i lose control, what if i do it. I have cried over this twice today, and I am just so deeply afraid of hurting another person. I have a history where i have acted violent, this was when I was around 11 years old.
I try to tell myself, if I actually wanted to hurt someone, i wouldnt be crying over it. But then comes the "what if you are lying to yourself" thought. Is this just my OCD finding another fun theme, or am I actually a danger to others?