Depersonalization Support Forum banner

harm OCD

337 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  enna
i am here once again
i developed this huge fear of losing control a few weeks ago, but its switching to questioning if i could kill someone. I am a very sensitive person, I feel bad when i kill a fly, literally. I have had scary thoughts of killing someone when ive seen some murder case on the news, and it has caused me anxiety. but never this much. I woke up this morning and I thought what if i want to slap someone. So the spiral began and soon I was thinking, what if I kill my parents? I started questioning if its possible, what if i lose control, what if i do it. I have cried over this twice today, and I am just so deeply afraid of hurting another person. I have a history where i have acted violent, this was when I was around 11 years old.

I try to tell myself, if I actually wanted to hurt someone, i wouldnt be crying over it. But then comes the "what if you are lying to yourself" thought. Is this just my OCD finding another fun theme, or am I actually a danger to others?
1 - 1 of 6 Posts
I have them too but they became more rare. Sometimes I have the thought that I could stab someone I like, just because there is a knife there. And in several other situations, mostly times where it would be very easy to kill someone. I also have compulsive thoughts about doing sexual stuff to men while having conversations with them, even though I am not even attracted to men. It's just a thought of "I should not, but what if I did??" that goes into "why did I think I should not? Does this mean I want to?".

But they are just thoughts, there are really a lot of people who have them, it's called impulse "phobia". We can worry about why we have these thought, and what it means about us or what we are capable of. But what it means is that we are a bit anxious and human brains are a bit weird. I actually consider those thoughts as normal, personally.
1 - 1 of 6 Posts