[enna]

i am here once again
i developed this huge fear of losing control a few weeks ago, but its switching to questioning if i could kill someone. I am a very sensitive person, I feel bad when i kill a fly, literally. I have had scary thoughts of killing someone when ive seen some murder case on the news, and it has caused me anxiety. but never this much. I woke up this morning and I thought what if i want to slap someone. So the spiral began and soon I was thinking, what if I kill my parents? I started questioning if its possible, what if i lose control, what if i do it. I have cried over this twice today, and I am just so deeply afraid of hurting another person. I have a history where i have acted violent, this was when I was around 11 years old.

I try to tell myself, if I actually wanted to hurt someone, i wouldnt be crying over it. But then comes the "what if you are lying to yourself" thought. Is this just my OCD finding another fun theme, or am I actually a danger to others?

 

[Phantasm]

I think It's anxiety thoughts, don't worry.

 

[Diego]

i am here once again
i developed this huge fear of losing control a few weeks ago, but its switching to questioning if i could kill someone. I am a very sensitive person, I feel bad when i kill a fly, literally. I have had scary thoughts of killing someone when ive seen some murder case on the news, and it has caused me anxiety. but never this much. I woke up this morning and I thought what if i want to slap someone. So the spiral began and soon I was thinking, what if I kill my parents? I started questioning if its possible, what if i lose control, what if i do it. I have cried over this twice today, and I am just so deeply afraid of hurting another person. I have a history where i have acted violent, this was when I was around 11 years old.

I try to tell myself, if I actually wanted to hurt someone, i wouldnt be crying over it. But then comes the "what if you are lying to yourself" thought. Is this just my OCD finding another fun theme, or am I actually a danger to others?

You're definitely not a danger to others, it is only intrusive thoughts. I also have it all the time, some times I really feel bad in thinking about harm someone that I love. If you see the histories of people that really did it you will notice that none of them ever woried about harm people, they simply did it. So don't woried much about this thoughts they are simply thoughts.

 

[Trith]

I have them too but they became more rare. Sometimes I have the thought that I could stab someone I like, just because there is a knife there. And in several other situations, mostly times where it would be very easy to kill someone. I also have compulsive thoughts about doing sexual stuff to men while having conversations with them, even though I am not even attracted to men. It's just a thought of "I should not, but what if I did??" that goes into "why did I think I should not? Does this mean I want to?".

But they are just thoughts, there are really a lot of people who have them, it's called impulse "phobia". We can worry about why we have these thought, and what it means about us or what we are capable of. But what it means is that we are a bit anxious and human brains are a bit weird. I actually consider those thoughts as normal, personally.

 

[forestx5]

I used to have intrusive thoughts. I remember watching an early SNL (Saturday Night Live) skit on TV, and one of the characters said he had ideas to drive his vehicle into oncoming traffic.
I remember thinking how odd that was, because I was having intrusive thoughts about that. I thought to myself...there must be something to this, and I wondered who I could talk to about it.
I don't remember having intrusive thoughts about murder. I would think things like "throw your coffee in his face" or something similarly stupid and embarrassing. I never acted on any of these
thoughts. At some point, I realized my intellect had executive control over these thoughts, and I needn't fear acting them out. I made an analogy to an upset stomach that causes burps and gas.
I surmised that the random idea generator in my brain had become upset, and was formulating inappropriate ideas. I can't remember exactly when I stopped having intrusive thoughts. It may have
been following the ECT I had over a decade ago.. I had a lot of strange symptoms with my depressive illness over 40 years. The extreme insomnia I experienced added to my symptoms. Many of the symptoms didn't seem to be connected in any way. But, the ECT resolved them all. All I have left is a mild head tremor, and the occasional migraine aura. I've been relatively depression and anxiety free for over a decade.and I haven't taken psych meds during that time..

 

[enna]

I have them too but they became more rare. Sometimes I have the thought that I could stab someone I like, just because there is a knife there. And in several other situations, mostly times where it would be very easy to kill someone. I also have compulsive thoughts about doing sexual stuff to men while having conversations with them, even though I am not even attracted to men. It's just a thought of "I should not, but what if I did??" that goes into "why did I think I should not? Does this mean I want to?".

But they are just thoughts, there are really a lot of people who have them, it's called impulse "phobia". We can worry about why we have these thought, and what it means about us or what we are capable of. But what it means is that we are a bit anxious and human brains are a bit weird. I actually consider those thoughts as normal, personally.

wow yes this sounds very familiar! I just get this huge fear that what if I actually enjoy having these thoughts. I suppose that is the anxiety talking, because these thoughts truly frighten me