So this day started with a hangover. Usually my symptoms are way worse during a hangover. And that was also the case today but not as much as I had expected. It was the first night in weeks where I actually slept through most of the night. Usually I wake up every other hour and feel really bad which makes it hard for me to relax and get a decent nights sleep. So even though I had my hangover I felt pretty well rested.
Anyway the whole day was just kind of weird. The usual fog. You know when it all just feels like a big dough. I managed to spend some time with a friend of mine (whom I recently told about my condition and she took it amazingly well). That was cool because now I'm in a place where I feel like I can't handle a lot of people. But since she knew about me I didn't have to try to hide it from her. That made me a little bit more relaxed and I felt that she had really no expectations at all. I like hanging out with people one on one. There's not too much pressure and it helps me to keep my mind off my symptoms.
We were at her mothers house when her step-father asked her if she could give him a ride in to town. She said, "yeah if you buy us food too" and I was like "yes! food!". I hadn't eaten in a while which was a mistake by me because I know that my DR gets worse without regular meals. But I thought we were gonna go and buy take-out. But when we got there it turned out we were gonna eat there at the restaurant. The place was not crowded but it sure felt like it. The table next to us were so loud. All I could hear was words flying through the room, but i couldn't make sense of any one of them. It was all like a big dough in the air. IT felt as if they were talking directly in to my ears. I started to feel as the room itself was getting farther and farther away from me as the sounds were getting closer and closer. It was really weird.
I started to lose "fps" in my sight. Everything became kind of slow-motion. My friend was talking to her step-father but I couldn't concentrate on what they were talking about. I saw their lips move and it started to feel really freaky. I just sat there and hoped that they wouldn't bring me into the conversation.
Suddenly I spoke and I hate hearing my voice during situations like this. It was like I didn't know the words coming out of my mouth. And I still felt surrounded by the, what felt like 1000, voices in the room. It's maddening really , to hear your own voice but you don't at all feel like you actually are talking. It felt like the world was crashing down in my head.
We started eating and I thought to myself "Okay just eat the food and you'll feel better". Then the loud table next to us left and I was a little relieved. I just tried to cope the best I could and suddenly we got up to leave.
I kind of didn't wanna be alone after that because I was afraid that if I went home I might get another panic attack (when I'm stressed out and alone I tend to focus a lot on my symptoms). I just needed some one on one time with my friend to calm down again at the same time as she kept my mind focused on other things besides my condition.
Having a friend who knows about your condition is the absolute best way to cope with this thing.
