I can sure relate to you. For me, I lose trust when "IT" happens again, I get mad, too. It feels like a betrayal of some kind. A slap in the kisser!! But I do know that "anticipatory" anxiety is the kind for me that lingers near the surface, and it's b/cuz I feel like if I watch for panic it it won't get me.It helped me to read very slowly over and over Janines description on here about the RELIEF part. I find it very soothing to read "You will not go over some edge." I can also say you are not alone. I hope this helps a little. And yes ask the doc about meds. Thinking calm, ok, strong thoughts your way.
--jake
--jake