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Goodbye I think.

2222 Views 16 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Charger

I am so tired, physically and mentally. My son is 2, and he's very jittery, he is always doing silly things, and I have to run after him and check him, he's VERY active, and he doesn't talk much yet, so he scream, to be understood. And I can't cope with him and DP/DR. It's gettin harder. I have to educate him, after all I am his mother, and my boyfriend thinks the same, but he don't liscen to me at all, he runs in all the house when I try to dress him, and he doesn't want to eat good things, etc. I am exhausted, and I feel like I have failed as a mother.

I NEVER loved to be a mother. It's terrible to say that. I have no energy for that, seriously, I can't. I don't know why I thought I would be a good mother. I don't like it it's too hard. And dealing with terrible derealization at the same time, lack of energy, etc. I fell away all the time, and I feel so sad. I don't even realize the spring is right there, and I don't feel happy. Like there is no future.

On top of that I am tired AND nervous, so I don't know which med could help me.

It's hard. I just want to sleep.

Sorry for the post. I am complaining.

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shelly you made me think:

i believe the moment you TRULY accept this disorder and your point in life, is the moment that you really start to be cured.

part of why we don't accept it for even a moment is that we don't know what will be next: "if I accept that I have this then i could have it FOREVER!"

but that's the kind of control mindset that causes dp. It doesn't WANT you to let go of it and accept that it's there. it feeds on the part of you that says "no, I will not accept that I feel this way!"

you can't change what is.

you feel that if you start wanting to feel this way and being happy feeling this way then you will fall into it...but the opposite is true

but i'm not sure

um...i just thought of all that stuff just now...excuse my randomness
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