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Good evening. 3 Years In, Sharing Thoughts.

618 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  purplegrouch
Hello to everyone here - sufferers or those embracing.

I'm sure many can relate to needing to talk endlessly (to the general public or themselves) as a way of coping, I'm here to do the same.

I'm coming up on my third year of DP after being cannabis-curious. Unaware of my buried anxiety and what has become boldly apparent, long term depression. Everyday since has been a faint, residual high from the first toke.

Idiotically, I turned to MDMA and experimented with 2CB in an attempt to continue the curiosity. Although it never parcticularly worsened DP, 2CB did trigger visual snow and mild tinnitus (the latter has subsided in time).

Drugs will be an inevitable experience for some of us. With my current insight, I would never condone folks to use when there are deeply rooted emotional issues. However, for many of us, you don't find out until it's too late. Either way, I am now over the emotional roller coaster and 6 months clean of any substance.

It has and still is a brutal and very fascinating experience. My first year was unbearable, as I'm sure most people will have been through and eventually accommodated (to an extent).

My emotional intelligence has been honed significantly over the years spent with it. A potential gift but more prominently a curse in my eyes.

I occasionally have glimpses of 'real time' - those that have experienced this will understand. It doesn't seem I'm quite ready to come out of it, as I become very emotionally overwhelmed of what consciousness once was. Delving deeper, this assures there are many things I've yet to overcome emotionally, thus remaining a husk of myself.

With the emotional flattening I've gained more social skills thanks to the suppression of my anxiety. I've never stopped working, nor dating, as much as DP remains a problem. Frantically I seek empathy, but of course for most people outside of this forum, is impossible to understand.

I've always been very philosophical as a person. I now have an immense understanding and insight for the subject as an individual living it. We all cope in the end, some more than others. I look forward to further discussion with like-minded individuals.

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That's reassuring to read RedSky, a small smirk of relief accompanies this response! ;-)

I feel for the most part that we all share these very stages of emotion - to the point of categorically being able to place them.

Thanks for the warming message.
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