[sebastian]

For those of you living under a rock, check out this news from Japan...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20050928/ca_pr_on_sc/japan_giant_squid

It seems a giant squid has finally been discovered by Canadian scientists. That's right CANADIAN scientists! While the rest of you fops were out looking for seismic data, algae samples, and oceanographic chemical compositions, we were out there looking for the real deal...The Squid!

s.

 

[sebastian]

We're proud of ol' Squidward here in Canada.

 

[sebastian]

MY GOD! WE THOUGHT WE COULD CONTAIN IT!!!

 

[ret]

What's the bet they killed it.

 

[Martinelv]

I can imagine the scene. Immesaurably laid-back Canadian scientists on a boat in the Pacific:

"Look, there's a giant squid."
"Eh?
"A giant squid"
"So?"
"Er, dunno."
"Pass the Bourbon."
"OK. Sorry about that."
"It's alright."

See, it should have been the Americans that discovered it:

"Swwwwwwwweeeeeeeet Mary mooooooother of god. Lookey there! A space alien!"
"Jeeeeeeeeeeeesuuuuuuuuuuuuus Christ. Where's ma gun?"
"Killlllllll it, kill it Bobby-Joe. Kill the mother f*****"

BANG BANG!

"Did I git it?"
"Dunno. Shoot it agin."

BANG BANG!

Silence.

"You fooooool Bobby-Joe. That's a Canadian!"

And for the sake of international relations and the maintaining of stereotypes, the English:

"I say old chap, bugger me till next Wednesday if that isn't a giant squid."
"Wot wot, are sure you my old mucker?"
"Gawd blimey, love a duck. I swear on Lord Winston-Smith-Gile's bangers and mash, it most certainly is."
"Well I never."
"Indeed."
"Better phone the queen then, eh?, wot wot, she'll know what to do. Gawd bless her."
"After cocktails of course."
"And afternoon tea."
"Of course."
"Of course. Pass my bowler hat and umberella will you old chap, looks like sun again."

 

[ret]

For those of you living under a rock, check out this news from Japan...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20050928/ca_pr_on_sc/japan_giant_squid

It seems a giant squid has finally been discovered by Canadian scientists. That's right CANADIAN scientists!

s.

Japanese

 

[Martinelv]

No, I'm sure the Canadians discovered it. They just couldn't be bothered to report it.

Japanese:

"Lik, a giant flid!"
"Ar-soholes."
"A flid! A giant flucking flid!"
"Wheely?"
"Ah, so."
"Incredibly rare and endangered giant flid!"
"Flid good in soup."
"Ah, so. Kill eet. Save eye-balls for honourable father."
"Hari-kari."

 

[g-funk]

IN HYSTERICS MARTIN :lol:

Can you do a welsh one please?

 

[Martinelv]

Let me think about it for a moment. 8)

 

[Martinelv]

Baaaa.

"Hey boyo, keep your bluddy sheep quiet will you, will you, will you."

Baaaaaaaaa.

"Quiet Flossy will you."

Baaaaaaaaaaaaa.

"Sweet Daffodils in the valleys, shut that bluddy sheep up. Put something in her mouth boyo will you."

Muffled bleating.

"What's wrong Daffyd?"
"I think I can hear a squid."
"A squid will you?"
"A giant squid, will you, will you, will you."
"A giant squid boyo? Well, Cardiff Arms park, will you."
"Get a weapon will you."
"All we have is bricks boyo."
"Well lob a brick at it will you?"

Lobs brick at giant squid.

"Did I get it Gynfyrzzxxxyd-go-go-gough, will you?"
"Great Breckon Beacons, I think you did boyo."
"Will you."
"Will you."
"Will you."

 

[g-funk]

Genius.

Especially the original use of sheep...

It is indeed all true though.

How's the withdrawal, Moderator Horton?

 

[Martinelv]

Well, you're Welsh - think of some more original stereotypes will you!! Ha, you can't can you! Face it, Wales is either all sheep shafting, bricks, mountains or Daffodils, will you. Or Ivor the Engine. And I can speak with authority on the matter, as I've never been to Wales. :wink: I thought about it once, but decided that piercing my scrotum sack with a rusty needle would be less agony, will you.

It's going terribly, thank you. I'm shaking like an alcoholic at closing time.

Will you.

 

[g-funk]

Do one for Reading then. Lots of material there

 

[Martinelv]

Oh god, no, please don't make me think about that god-forsaken hole.

 

[sebastian]

Oh Martin, that made me giggle like a doped-up Rastafarian. In fact, i think that deserves an emoticon or two... :lol: :lol:

I am Laughing Out Loud...Rolling On The Floor Laughing My F---ing Ass Off!

Can you do an Azerbaijani one now...can you, can you?!?!

Reticent: Yes, you are correct. It looks as though it was Japanese scientists, but somehow in my drunken haze last night I thought it said Canadian. Maybe it did and they changed it. Whatever the case, i'm almost certain there was at least one Canadian in Japan when they found the Squid so I think that makes us about even.

s.

 

[Axel19]

If the French had found it:

"Look a giant squid"
"I do not care, giant squids do not have proper culture, and they have 'orrible food."
"I suppose you are right, their existence is even more absurd than that of 'umans."

 

[Axel19]

Can you do an Azerbaijani one now...can you, can you?!?!

I'm actually a quarter Azebaijani, seriously I'm not joking, my dad is half Azerbaijani half Iranian. I'll give it a go:

"Look dad there's a giant squid."
"Yes I know."
"They're the biggest inverterbrates on the planet!"
"Did you know that they are the biggest animals without skeletons."
"That's what I just said."
"There was a man I used to work with who used to film them all the time."
"But this is the first time they've ever been photographed."
"Let me finish. He got stung many times, and eventually died because so many of them stung him."
"I think you mean jellyfish."

This is funny, someone do a celebrity or something.

 

[Dreamer]

After having peed me knickers over my post to Tom Servo, LOL, I did the same over this. Absolutely brilliant. Best laugh I've had in 2 months.

I swear this is Monty Python or something. And doens't have to do with calimari or anything, but.... oh whatever. Martin, you're a genius. So we have Marty and Andrew.... NO EDITED WITH "SEBASTIAN" 8)

Marty: Sebastain, son! I was walking along the shore and saw a body in the kelp ... thought it was you!

Sebastian: Well was it wearin' plaid pants?

Marty: No.

Sebastian: Was it wearin'a black tam?

Marty: Ummm, no.

Sebastian: Did it have a red Sou'wester?

Marty: Don't think so...

Sebastian: For the Love of God, man, was it wearin' rubber boots!?

Marty: Come to think of it.. no.

Sebastian: Ah! Praise God. Well then, it wasn't me!

ROARING AT THIS SQUID STUFF. :lol:
I should visit down here more often.
EDIT: Names of two brilliant writers 8)
Oh, man I can't remember jokes, not to mention make them up.

 

[enigma]

This is funny, someone do a celebrity or something.

Woody Allen:

"I'm so torn, all this water gives me the primal urge to return to the uterus, except in this boat, I somehow sense that I'm already there.

"Anyhow, I can't swim.

"Oh my god, what is that?

"All those elongated fleshy objects emerging from the water.

"Father?!

"Wait, Dad never had ten penises growing out of his face.

"Oh my god, it's a humongous squid, it's gigantic!

"I think it wants to kill me, and yet somehow I feel driven to embrace it.

"How do you hug something that's shaped like an upside down carrot?"

?

 

[Axel19]

Tom Cruise (with his PA):

"Wow look at that squid"

"Yes sir"

"Bring the boat in closer, it might want my autograph"

"Yes sir"

"It's incredible, I wish I could touch it"

"Why don't you sir"

"Scientology does not permit any contact between man and a cephalopod over 12 feet in length"

"Why is that sir"

"It will disturb the cosmic balance, you wouldn't understand"