[Axel19]

Thought I'd post this in this section even though it deals with dp/anxiety, if that's ok with the mods.
I've been planning this since I came back from Thailand last year.
Some of you may remember me having similar anxieties a year ago with my Thailand trip. The trouble is I can confidently say that even though I was anxious last year, I can confidently say that my whole mental state is far worse this time round.
Thailand was fanstastic, a real turning point for me. Some of you may recall i had something of a holiday romance with a girl who I am not embarassed to admit, although it may sound naive given the circumstances, I felt very strongly for. The months that followed Thailand were the closest to full recovery I've ever been. In fact they were some of the best of my life. Then I went to visit this girl in Amsterdam at the end of September last year. On the last night I smoked some of Amsterdam's finest and had a major panic attack thingy, and my mental state deteriorated after that. I've hit my lowest points ever over the past year.
My plan is to fly to Mexico and then on to Costa Rica, but whatever travel methods I can find.
I'm anxious because the prospect of going travelling again seems wrong given my mental state. I'm anxious because it's supposed to be, and I know is, one of the greatest experiences of your life. The thought of staring out at a stunning sunset vista on a paradisal beach in Costa Rica, but feeling nothing but emptiness, is just too much to bare. It's as if the pressure to enjoy this is too much, and just too unrealistic given my mental state.
I keep refelcting on Thailand last year, and I'm so desperate to recreate the feelings and experiences of that trip. In all honesty I think I do view that period through rose tinted specs. I can rememeber several specific occasions whilst in Thailand where I felt awful, depressed, dp'ed and very anxious. This is somewhat conforting because it helps me to draw some sort of parallel with how I am now and how I was then. But I can rememebr many time sin Thalind more where I felt genuinely happy.

On the other hand I know it is perhaps a good idea to go. I've been working all year to save up for this; part time whilst at uni, and full time labouring during the holidays. I'm working full time now and it's killing me, I can't stand the loneliness I feel whilst at work, I have no choice but to retreat into my head. The point is that if I don't go, I have nothing to do but sit at home lonely and bored, occasionally visiting friends who are spread all over the country at the moment. Also the natural benefits of lots of sun and sea for my depression are well documented from my own personal experience. Also the freedom is good for my anxiety, becuase I'll have nothing to worry about once I'm put there (no essays etc).

What do you guys think?

I'll explain more after I've (hopefully) had a few replies, cos' this is getting quite lengthy.

 

[enngirl5]

I envy you for being able to travel. I know you're scared, but I think you will go and I think you should go. Have a great time and tell us all about it when you get back. You've worked hard for this trip. Work sucks, I know. But you need to face your fears and go, which will be best for you in the long run. Are you going with friends or alone?

 

[person3]

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO

whoops I mean go. go go go. -eminem

seriously though. even if you dont' have the same exprience as you did in thailand, you will have a different and unexpected one that will be equally as pleasing. Your current worries about not enjoying it will fade once you are there.

but just go.

otherwise you will be sad

 

[Axel19]

Ok thanks guys, encouragement, in any capacity, helps.

I remember people were saying the same stuff last year actually
I'm sure I will go.

Occasionally I have brief moments of clarity when I realise what I'm going to do, and I get extremely excited.
I'm not going alone. Whilst I'd probably be able to cope with that, I don't think being alone all that time would be good for me, I'd end up ruminating. I'm actually going with a very close friend of mine. He is perhaps my best friend. He came to Thailand last year. But two other friends also came last year. Thats' another of my gripes. I like being surrounded by a bunch of guys/girls who will sycophantically laugh at every thing I say. Believe it or not I'm often the centre of attention in these groups, and I love the excitement of setting off somewhere with a bunch of mates, cracking an endless stream of jokes. Humour has always been a powerful tool against my depression/anxiety.
Whilst this guy shares my sense of humour, laughter is never quite as potent in twosomes. It is a little intense spending 8 weeks with just one person. Hopefully this will encourage us to socialise with strangers more though, and hopefully we'll get laid....several times (not with eachother).

We'll have to travel through pretty much every country in Central America to get to Costa Rica from Mexico. We'll even have to spend a couple of days in Atlanta for connecting flights. It really is the trip of a lifetime.
I'm gonna' live this damn life of mine no matter what.

Can anyone give me any advice on travelling?

 

[terri*]

Can you get in the Crown Room in Atlanta? I think that's Delta's clubroom. It's been so long since I'v flown, but my favorite part was always the Crown Room in Atlanta. Drinks flow like Honeydew Vine water...Jimmy Buffet. Do you know they say in the States that it doesn't matter where you're going, you have to go thru Atlanta. If you have not been to this airport before, it is well layed out and getting from one concourse to the other is made easy by underground railway. Like most airports they also have the moving walkways. Best of luck to you there. Hope The South treats you right, even if you are only there for an hour or two layover.

I have DR and find dragging one of those low sitting chairs and sitting in the surf in the morning and evening very relaxing and soothing. Are you involved with water sports at all? Are you staying in hotels, B&B's, hostels?
I have a friend that she and her husband loved Costa Rica. I hope you have some excellent times there.

I sooo envy you having what it takes to get on that damn plane. Please do go. Even though it may not be perfect, you will have many memories and I will tell you...there comes a time in life when memories are some of the best things you can have in the dark times. You're young. Live it the hell up even in the midst of the anxiety.

If you and your friend start to get on each other's nerves, agree beforehand that you can split amicably and meet up later. Don't feel like you have to be joined at the hip.

Maybe there's another model in your future.

Oh yeah, DON"T DO ANY DRUGS THIS TIME FOR GOD"S SAKE !! :twisted:

We suck at doing drugs. :?

Sorry to rattle on. I hope you go to Costa Rica and crack them up.

Best wish and traveling mercies.
terri

 

[Axel19]

Cheers Terri*.

Seriosuly what do you reckon I should do in Atlanta? I'll be there for one night. I'm travelling on a budget so can't hang out in the bar of some expesive hotel. I'll probably end up sleeping in the airpoert lounge.

I'll be staying in the cheapest accomodation I can get my hands on, whilst camping in the various rainforests of the region.

Looks like I will be spending at least one night in pretty mcuh every country in Central America. The plan is four weeks in Mexico, a week in the other countries and 3 weeks in Costa Rica.

If you and your friend start to get on each other's nerves, agree beforehand that you can split amicably and meet up later. Don't feel like you have to be joined at the hip.

Nah we'll be fine I'm sure. Last year in Thailand almost everyone we met were travelling in pairs, so I think generally that number works quite well.

Maybe there's another model in your future.

Let's hope so. The last one still hasn't visited me, like she's been promosing all year. Oh well time to say f*ck it, and head off again for more adventures, and stop waiting on others to fulfill theior promises.

In fact I have a habit of meeting beautiful girls one holiday, leaving them the next day, and spending the rest of the holiday thinking about them, it always happens. So perhaps it would be better if I just had a few one night stands instead.

Actually I'm feeling quite bitter at the moment. I'm feeling bitter because of how lonesome I feel, since my life has been stolen by this damn fifty hour week I'm working. For some strange reason I feel p*ssed off at all the people I asked to join me on this trip ages ago, but were too lazy to do anything about it. I'm p*ssed off at all these ordinary folk for leading such a comatose lifestyle, whilst I literally force myself to do these things inspite of my, frankly, horrible mental state.
I'm p*ssed off at the aforementioned girl I met in Thailand for not making the effort to come see me. She clearly wants to as she always brings it up without me even mentioning it. The only conclusion that whilst she would like to see me again can be drawn is that she's too lazy and unoriginal to do something without the support of her friends, or having her daddy pay for it. I mean is it really that difficult, especially for someone as afluent as her.
Sorry I'm ranting big time here, but I don't understand how a mentally screwed up individual such as myself can motivate themselves to do this, whilst all of my friends sit on their areses all summer doing sweet FA. It actually makes me fell very angry. In fact I can't wait to email every last one of them with pictures, so they can hopefully know what they're missing. Yes I'm being a bit of a pr*ck about it, but I am quite angry at everyone else right now for being so excited about their humble vacations, without realising the potential that a young person has in the west these days. Ultimately I probably envy their content self assured nature more than anything.

I better go cool down now.

 

[mcsiegs]

Axel - I get so nervous to travel even when I am DP free (like now).

You have all the tools you need to take this trip and I am jealous. Just think - everything about life will look the same there. Just think of it as the next town over from where you live now. A home away from home with friends...You will do just fine!!!!

 

[Axel19]

Cheers MCS

Well I've just booked the ticket, 100% non refundable. In other words I am going. Flying to Atlanta on the 20th July. Flying to Mexico a day later. Then flying from San Jose (Costa Rica) back to London exactly 8 weeks later.

Is Atlanta airport far from the city centre?