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no one knows that i have dp/dr except a couple of people i have tried to explain it to, but they don't really understand. i get why they don't understand because it is such a difficult feeling to describe, just like any other perceptual disorder would be.

my dp/dr was triggered by marijuana, and it happened literally overnight. one night when i was 15, my friend and i decided to smoke weed and i remember going snowshoeing the next day thinking i was still high, or residually high or something, and that this feeling would go away. unfortunately, it never did. i think it might have gone away had i not wound up in an emotionally abusive relationship that has been off-and-on for years. i feel like i have permanent brain damage and that i am stuck in this awful mental fog for the rest of my life no matter what i do.. i want to feel real again, like i am a person

somehow i managed to graduate high school and move out at the age of 17, and for about 6 months post-graduation i was addicted to cocaine and MDMA. i just wanted to feel something. this led me to overdosing one night and almost dying. i quit doing drugs after that but i feel threatened by relapse.

now i am almost 21 years old, i am in full-time university while working a steady job. people always ask me how i manage to hold down so many things at once. i really don't know. i am completely numb to everything and i can barely remember what happened yesterday at this point. i'm suicidal and i cannot afford any medications, let alone therapy.. i need someone to talk to so i joined this forum. even if no one says anything, sometimes it feels good to just get my feelings out. especially anonymously. i don't even know where to start.
 

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Hello friend , i know it sucks , but hey you are still young and have so so much to live for and you have a big chance to feed your mind with positive things , you can still learn to educate yourself in taking care and how to get better , i know its rough , but you might have alot of factors that are contributing to your bad mental state , your drug abuse at some point might’ve been something that erecked your merveous system plus your toxic relationship , its hars to move on on some stuff and its hard to begin to feel better when you dont know your fucking up in the first place , been there and we all are , we all contribute heavily in our bad health even if its mental or phisical bad habits , you have really such a good oportunity to heal and become whatever you eant to because your young seriously , but you need help , im not tslking about medication, i mesn medication can help or whatever i think its stupid because snyone can get prescribed antidepressants if the come to the psych and tell them they’re feeling alittle off , its cool if you think they can help , i know you dont have maybe the access to the therapy its hard to decide to get therapy hell i need now therapy i know but uts hard for me toa fford it , 7 + yesrs of anxiety and depression have tesch me alot of things of how to cope and handle things , ive been perfect for 2 years no symptoms i relapsed in anxiety because someone kn mu family got very sick , but thats snother story , i wsnt to tell tou please dont relapse in drugs i know you feel its the only eqy to numb your pain or to make you fforget about the shir you go thtough , i eould love to just get high on xanax everyday and think it would help but fuck i work on myself i keep busy excersise , i know it sounds like everyone says the same but this are the things you need to be healthy , you will see with alot of effort and a good education in your emntal health can kead you to feel good wihout drugs, try your best to seek a cbt therapist or if you have an addiction problem an narcotic anonymous group the are really helpfull , i wish you luck! And be strong everything can get better and this is not your final destination , just work on your recovery
 

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Hello friend , i know it sucks , but hey you are still young and have so so much to live for and you have a big chance to feed your mind with positive things , you can still learn to educate yourself in taking care and how to get better , i know its rough , but you might have alot of factors that are contributing to your bad mental state , your drug abuse at some point might’ve been something that erecked your merveous system plus your toxic relationship , its hars to move on on some stuff and its hard to begin to feel better when you dont know your fucking up in the first place , been there and we all are , we all contribute heavily in our bad health even if its mental or phisical bad habits , you have really such a good oportunity to heal and become whatever you eant to because your young seriously , but you need help , im not tslking about medication, i mesn medication can help or whatever i think its stupid because snyone can get prescribed antidepressants if the come to the psych and tell them they’re feeling alittle off , its cool if you think they can help , i know you dont have maybe the access to the therapy its hard to decide to get therapy hell i need now therapy i know but uts hard for me toa fford it , 7 + yesrs of anxiety and depression have tesch me alot of things of how to cope and handle things , ive been perfect for 2 years no symptoms i relapsed in anxiety because someone kn mu family got very sick , but thats snother story , i wsnt to tell tou please dont relapse in drugs i know you feel its the only eqy to numb your pain or to make you fforget about the shir you go thtough , i eould love to just get high on xanax everyday and think it would help but fuck i work on myself i keep busy excersise , i know it sounds like everyone says the same but this are the things you need to be healthy , you will see with alot of effort and a good education in your emntal health can kead you to feel good wihout drugs, try your best to seek a cbt therapist or if you have an addiction problem an narcotic anonymous group the are really helpfull , i wish you luck! And be strong everything can get better and this is not your final destination , just work on your recovery
 

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Hey buddy,

I am in the same boat as you are in. I am 21, university in a country abroad and trying to hold a job at the same time. The whole thing was induced by weed intake in 2018.

Keep in mind that god puts up his hardest battles to his strongest warriors, and although you're going through DP/DR and still manage to pull off university and work deserves a round of applause. The only tip I give to you is don't, I repeat don't use drugs, that shit will fuck your brain up and leave withdrawing about suicide. I withdrew from drugs in the beginning of 2019, and boy was I suicidal.

Hmm, I always believe that the moment you come back to your normal self and realize that you've managed to pull off university and work whilst being at that state would make me feel unbeatable. My only issue currently is that when it comes to reading, I can't concentrate as much and it takes me ages to do an assignment, so I miss being able to read and write fast as I used too.
 
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