no one knows that i have dp/dr except a couple of people i have tried to explain it to, but they don't really understand. i get why they don't understand because it is such a difficult feeling to describe, just like any other perceptual disorder would be.
my dp/dr was triggered by marijuana, and it happened literally overnight. one night when i was 15, my friend and i decided to smoke weed and i remember going snowshoeing the next day thinking i was still high, or residually high or something, and that this feeling would go away. unfortunately, it never did. i think it might have gone away had i not wound up in an emotionally abusive relationship that has been off-and-on for years. i feel like i have permanent brain damage and that i am stuck in this awful mental fog for the rest of my life no matter what i do.. i want to feel real again, like i am a person
somehow i managed to graduate high school and move out at the age of 17, and for about 6 months post-graduation i was addicted to cocaine and MDMA. i just wanted to feel something. this led me to overdosing one night and almost dying. i quit doing drugs after that but i feel threatened by relapse.
now i am almost 21 years old, i am in full-time university while working a steady job. people always ask me how i manage to hold down so many things at once. i really don't know. i am completely numb to everything and i can barely remember what happened yesterday at this point. i'm suicidal and i cannot afford any medications, let alone therapy.. i need someone to talk to so i joined this forum. even if no one says anything, sometimes it feels good to just get my feelings out. especially anonymously. i don't even know where to start.
my dp/dr was triggered by marijuana, and it happened literally overnight. one night when i was 15, my friend and i decided to smoke weed and i remember going snowshoeing the next day thinking i was still high, or residually high or something, and that this feeling would go away. unfortunately, it never did. i think it might have gone away had i not wound up in an emotionally abusive relationship that has been off-and-on for years. i feel like i have permanent brain damage and that i am stuck in this awful mental fog for the rest of my life no matter what i do.. i want to feel real again, like i am a person
somehow i managed to graduate high school and move out at the age of 17, and for about 6 months post-graduation i was addicted to cocaine and MDMA. i just wanted to feel something. this led me to overdosing one night and almost dying. i quit doing drugs after that but i feel threatened by relapse.
now i am almost 21 years old, i am in full-time university while working a steady job. people always ask me how i manage to hold down so many things at once. i really don't know. i am completely numb to everything and i can barely remember what happened yesterday at this point. i'm suicidal and i cannot afford any medications, let alone therapy.. i need someone to talk to so i joined this forum. even if no one says anything, sometimes it feels good to just get my feelings out. especially anonymously. i don't even know where to start.