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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel so lost. I don’t even know how how I feel anymore, I try to analyze myself so much and don’t find anything that I feel crazier by the minute. My brain hurts, I’m severely anxious and depressed. 2 months of this and idk how people last years. I feel like there’s no possible way to ever feel normal or remotely close to it. I can’t concentrate on anything at all so fuck “distracting and living life” :( I’m so scared I’m going to end up in a mental hospital one of these days
 

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I know what you mean. I can relate to EVERYTHING your saying 100%. Ive just had it for like one year or a little longer and it feels like shit. Panicking all the time, thinking your going crazy and scared of everything for no reason. I cant concentrate on anything at all, even things that used to interest me. I dont feel like im part of my family anymore and im angry and pissed all the time. Some things that help are consistently doing exersize. It took like 5 months to start helping but I think its helping idk. Im depressed af but its like im numb at the same time. Idk how to explain it. Its like im lying to myself that im not depressed. I micro analize myself all the time thinking that like if i wear this hat what does it mean about me. Or like why do I watch this show? Does it make me weak and a looser? and then I would get super scared and freaked out. I compare myself to other people 24/7 and then freak out that im not exactly like them or fit in. I dont really know why but it would freak me out.
 

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I feel so lost. I don’t even know how how I feel anymore, I try to analyze myself so much and don’t find anything that I feel crazier by the minute. My brain hurts, I’m severely anxious and depressed. 2 months of this and idk how people last years. I feel like there’s no possible way to ever feel normal or remotely close to it. I can’t concentrate on anything at all so fuck “distracting and living life” :( I’m so scared I’m going to end up in a mental hospital one of these days
People last years because the alternative is suicide. I was scared I would end up in a mental hospital. I ended up there twice. I can't recommend it.. I became more scared because the statistics say you are more likely to commit suicide after you have been hospitalized twice. I came to the conclusion that I was unlikely to be saved by someone else. After 40 years, I found the answer to my illness through on line research. I guided the medical professionals to the diagnostics that established my self diagnosis. This led to appropriate treatment, but more importantly it brought 40 years of suffering into clear focus, and allowed me to begin to live a more normal life. Today, I swim 4-5 miles each week and bike 100 miles a week, while others my age are dying off. I'm going to get my 40 back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
People last years because the alternative is suicide. I was scared I would end up in a mental hospital. I ended up there twice. I can't recommend it.. I became more scared because the statistics say you are more likely to commit suicide after you have been hospitalized twice. I came to the conclusion that I was unlikely to be saved by someone else. After 40 years, I found the answer to my illness through on line research. I guided the medical professionals to the diagnostics that established my self diagnosis. This led to appropriate treatment, but more importantly it brought 40 years of suffering into clear focus, and allowed me to begin to live a more normal life. Today, I swim 4-5 miles each week and bike 100 miles a week, while others my age are dying off. I'm going to get my 40 back.

Can you share what is helping you now?
 

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Can you share what is helping you now?
Coming to an understanding of the origins of my illness was of huge benefit. It removed a lot of fear and apprehension which tended to fuel my symptoms. I experienced severe symptoms of depression including Insomnia, anxiety, significant weight loss.I had ECT in 2014, which caused a fundamental shift in my mental processes. I felt like my firmware had been restored to "factory defaults." It gave me a fresh start. I have been largely free of depressive symptoms since then. I take the dogs for a walk every day. I swim and bike. I like to read Pulitzer prize winning books. I follow national politics. I just outfitted my kayak with a depth/fish finder and I have reservations at the seashore campground in August, and I have a beachfront Condo reserved for Labor day. "Living life without fear" (Biggie Smalls) is not an easy thing to do when you are symptomatic with mental illness. While fear was a great motivator in my life (I owe everything I am to my illness), it took all the fun out of it as well. I'm trying to make up for lost time.
 
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