Hello,
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
