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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hello,
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
 

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That’s good. And it might be worth noting that when you think and identify your behavior as being narcissistic, or relate to traits of narcissism etc, it doesn’t separate you or put you in another category from the rest of mankind. Not only are we all flawed, but it’s mainly being hurt or being capable of being hurt which makes us selfish, and that’s a condition of all mankind.
 

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Hello,
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
You sound like me with your traits.
 

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Hello,
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
i got goosebumps.

my only symptom i complain about is emotional numbness. every other symptom became so unnecessary to me that i dont even care about
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have been going up and down since that last post, at some points I was just going back to my usual DR level. I was very excited first, and I'm sure that I am making progress, but it's going to take more time. I think I am definitely changing for the better in how I relate to myself but not all progress on this side leads to an improvement of my DR symptoms. At first things were very new and I had really strong experiences, with re-realization, but now it's more peaceful and I think I am learning more stuff. But it was depressing to see that those feelings would not be permanent, and it gave me a lot of compulsion to control it, but I feel I am learning things about that too. Anyway, I'm so glad things are moving.

That’s good. And it might be worth noting that when you think and identify your behavior as being narcissistic, or relate to traits of narcissism etc, it doesn’t separate you or put you in another category from the rest of mankind. Not only are we all flawed, but it’s mainly being hurt or being capable of being hurt which makes us selfish, and that’s a condition of all mankind.
I agree, it was a bit frightening in one sense to see the extent of that in me, but it's like it is very easy for me to magnify things that are new and believe they are all my life and my future. At the same time I know these things are just traits and I care for a lot of people other than myself too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I think that on the long term I keep getting better slowly. I feel more the atmosphere of places around me, I respect more what I want or need, like it happens more and more that I manage to go to bed on time. It might sound like small thing but I am usually far from it, it is usually a big struggle that makes me end up sleep deprived. Now it's just what I want to do and there is almost no struggle. Also I have more and more moments where I feel my body and inhabit it more. I feel I have a bit less obsessions too, or they take less bandwidth. I enjoy a bit more to just be myself and look at how I feel.
On the flip side I feel like I am opening my eyes to how poor my social skills are sometimes, or some other traits, and at the same time I am more ok with it and feel more legitimate so it doesn't matter so much.

Interestingly, staying for hours on a computer wasn't really a problem for me in the last years because it didn't change anything to my DR, unlike what some other people have shared. But now that my DR has reduced I feel that it can go a bit worse temporarily when I do that.
 

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Hello,
After a long time of going better very slowly (edit: maybe a few months), I have made big improvements recently and it's quite incredible for me. I feel like things are clicking in, it's like I am slowly becoming myself for the first time, as someone else has shared recently. I'm hesitant to give any recovery percentage, because the more I progress the more I realize how far I still have to go. But I feel more present, I feel more the "atmosphere" of places, and more connection with myself and less DR.
I'm journaling things, so if I keep getting better I might write a very long post to describe things with more details. But basically, I started going better when I realized some of my personality traits that I shared in another post. I feel now that a big part of my problem has to do with my sense of self and how I relate or rather how I don't relate to myself. I do think many good things about myself, but it's like they don't matter much compared to what others think of me.
In the last months, some events have helped me to start to relate more directly to myself, and be the actual subject. I always thought I was relatively solitary but I discover now that I was never lonely thanks to these imaginary interaction. Many things are clicking in. I realize I come on the forum mostly because I need validation. But I feel now that I can just barely start to validate myself directly, and in the past days and weeks, I felt that this was giving me some sorts of "re-realization" steps. At the same time, to be honest, the more I write the more I feel like I am kind of "bragging" about this, like I am trying to get more validation out of it and it gives me more derealization as I am typing this.
Also, I shared about this before, but I realize now I identify with many narcissistic traits, mostly of the cover type, or "vulnerable" type (as opposed to the grandiose type, but there are many sites explaining this), with things like a more or less subtle and constant sense of superiority compared to others which I am not proud of and generally try to hide with more or less success. In real life I am a nice person to others but I realize I function less with genuine empathy and more with preservation of self image, even if I wouldn't say I am (at least consciously) manipulative. But this makes sense for me now with that kind of sollipsism impression, lack of connection with others, difficulty accepting another person's worldview, as if mine was the absolute one, having "main character syndrom" more or less subtly...
So, I don't know, I probably have a very long way to go, I will see. I will let it rest and I will most probably talk about it again later if it keeps working for me.
I’m glad you are getting better!
 
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