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Hi all - just thought I'd share with you some curious glimmers of what felt like clarity, grounding and senses restored - albeit briefly and temporarily which I wonder if anyone can shed any light on or whether there's any interest in others pursuing.

The first is a few months ago where I was laying in bed one night and was struggling to nod off because I had drank quite a bit of caffeine that night (tea) and was laying there trying to get my mind to race with anxiety provoking thoughts. Whilst this sounds like a weird thing to want to do I did this to try and provoke an emotional response because emotional numbness is my biggest problem. Therefore I was attempting to provoke my blank/empty mind (which used to have racing thoughts and anxiety) in to feeling the fear or flight response.

Anyway after closing my eyes I was trying to provoke a response by focusing in on sounds of the night, moving my eyes around frantically as I stare in the darkness and to my surprise, I started feeling a shift in my head. As in a pressure felt like it was clearing and I suddenly became very much attuned in to my environment and I felt grounded and I could feel my heartbeat once more throughout my body. This gave me some encouragement that I can break this cycle of nothingness if I really put my mind to it. I went to sleep feeling some hope that this seemingly intractable illness did have some cracks to try to breakthrough.

The next day I felt a genuine hunger which I haven't felt for a long while as well as an appreciation and enjoyment from the food I ate that day. I could also feel the sun on my face more intensely.

Unfortunately the feeling or sensation did not last for long but it gave me some hope and something to build on.

Fast forward a few months later and a similar thing happened but in a totally different environment.

My neighbour went away and said I can use their hot tub. One day I was in there and was dismayed/dejected that I couldn't enjoy it like I would have done when I could 'feel'.

After getting out I sat on a chair and let myself cool down and I was so desperate to feel something that I tried to 're-connect' by closing my eyes and feel the cold air on me, intermittently looking at the blue sky and listening to the music in my ears. Again I felt this pressure in my head start to clear and I had a bit of a tug or war battle in trying to 'let it go' / breakthrough the blockage. And temporarily I managed to do it again.

I looked around at my surroundings and I felt more grounded (which is weird as I don't think of myself as particularly ungrounded but I obviously must be), looking at flowers I could appreciate their beauty more. I could feel the l presence of the trees around me. The breeze felt natural. My head felt clear without any pressure. It almost felt like what I can imagine a 'fresh start' to feel like.

Sad to say that this doesn't last longer than 10 minutes or so. And without noticing, my head goes back to its new default mode of blanket protection/numbness.

I recognise that these might sound like really small things to have experienced but it got me wondering whether there are daily exercises I can do to provoke this clarity and the more I do it the more it may stay and breakthrough the wall I'm unintentionally putting up.

Anyway I don't want to keep rambling on but wondered if anyone can relate or build on any or what I've experienced above?

Cheers.
 

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First off, you CANT practice it. As soon as you see it happening you try sustain it, but as soon as you do that it’s gone. Most people here have seen this for themselves. But they probably think what I’m about to say is bullshit, they just don’t get it. Look, you don’t really control the DP state of affairs in your mind, you may have the illusion that you are the controller of your thoughts but in actuality you are the thoughts. So you can’t bring it about by deciding “I will escape this DP right now”. There’s no escape from it that way. Really there’s no “escape” at all. You AND the problem are one. If you see that then doesn’t the effort in trying to change it come to an end? You see that trying to escape from DP is futile, because the act of trying to is also apart of the issue (you are the issue). So don’t create a method, just watch.
 

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This disorder is such a complex motherfucking issue, it's been a very very long time since I had those brief moments of clarity, it's like a switch. I don't know what I did to achieve that change, it was so random.
 
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