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My girlfriend went up into a hotel room with one of her girlfriends and a few guys the met at a bar. They were drunk.
As she openly explained her story to me the next day, telling me what a crazy night she had, I went into shock.
She told me that she was worried about her friend and felt that she needed to protect her and that's why she went into the hotel room. At one point she and one or two of the guys went back down to have a cigarette and when they came back up the door had a "do not disturb" sign hanging there. Everyone put it together that my gf's friend was having sex with one of the guys. So one of the other guys suggested they go to another room. She declined and left. She told me she felt so proud of herself when she was walking home.
Thing is, the story didn't add up. If the only reason she went up in the hotel room was to protect her friend, she failed on every mark. She left her alone in the room to have sex and then left her there completely when she saw the "do not disturb" sign.
So I started probing her about it. Trying to make her version of the story line up with the reality of what happened. Did she cheat on me? These are the facts that I was able to pull out of her:
• she knew that sex was on the agenda in these guys minds. That her friend wanted to have sex and was very promiscuous.
•my girlfriend had a promiscuous past herself, and acknowledged that if she had not been in a relationship with me there was a chance that she would've ended up having sex.
•this friend of hers that she was worried about was a very aggressive person and not the type to put herself in situations she couldn't handle. My girlfriend knew this because she has been friends with her since they were children.
•the guys whom she had been talking to the most, followed her down to the lobby when she decided to leave to try to talk her into staying. Which explains why she felt so "proud of herself" when she left.
•she told me that when she first went up there she felt very uncomfortable and unsafe so she wanted to leave, but did not feel that way until she got into the hotel room. This part of the story seems implausible since she went down to have a cigarette in the lobby and then came back up in the elevator with them. Also this happened in Washington DC, she is an attractive white female who lived in a not so great neighborhood, and she walked home alone and drunk at 2am, maybe later, when she left. If her sense of safety was so strong, she would not of done that.
•At one point when she was retelling the story to me when I was probing her, she changed many of the facts. Her new story was that went up in the elevator hung out in the room for 10 minutes, talk to a guy there, that there were "at least 10-15 guys in the room, she told her friend she was leaving and left.
•she has a history of telling me stories about men from her past implying that they were friends of hers, but leaving out the part where she had sex with them. I only realized and confronted her about it later and she admitted it. She says the reason for this is that she wanted to block out the memory because she was not proud of it.
•she has a history of lying to me, sometimes about even small things in order to get my approval.
•she uses plausible deniability to get what she wants without having to be accountable that she wanted it. She doesn't have to make a plan or desire what she wants; all she has to do is line herself up for it to happen, that way if she's been rejected she can tell herself she was never interested in the first place. This includes almost every time she and I have had sex.
Finally,
• The first month that we were together she led me to believe that she had dated a guy briefly, admitted at the time that they had sex once a long time ago, but they had become friends and that he had cancer and she was concerned about him. When I objected to her being friends with this guy she quickly said that she didn't want to be friends with him anyway and that she wanted to be left alone. A week or two later she told me that she had told him to leave her alone. I thought it was weird at the time but didn't think much of it. A couple weeks after that he texted her again while we were in bed and she put the phone in my face and explained that it was this guy. I took the phone out of her hand and confronted him through text. I quickly found out through his response that this guy knew a hell of a lot more about me than I knew about him. I lost my shit, turned to her and pushed her for information. At the time she said, that all she wanted was for him to leave her alone and she told him those things in order to convince him to do that. Much, much later she admitted to me that she was trying to make me jealous of him, as well as making the other guy jealous of me. That the only reason why she was talking to him was to get revenge because of how he treated her like a slut before, but had no plans on ever seeing him, let alone sleeping with him. She just wanted to lead him on and then ignore him. My girlfriend is very easily swayed, and he is very persuasive. I don't know if I can trust her story, I don't even feel entirely sure if she actually met him. She denies vehemently that she has never cheated on me.
I don't know what to believe. The story of the text message incident happened only a few weeks before the hotel incident. All of this happened 4.5 years ago, with no incidences after. At the time I had severe DP, and so I was not so sharp at connecting the dots. The reason why this came up so many years later, is that I have been coming out of the DP and started being able to connect the dots. Her story still doesn't make sense and she has dragged her feet in admitting the slightest details. She continues to use plausible deniability, so she doesn't have to be accountable for much of it, and she continues to change the fact of the story to try to make them fit what she is saying.
I know she used me as a prop to get her kicks, I know that what she has admitted to me, at least so far, was very unfaithful and selfish, but I have this 50/50 sense that she might have actually slept with these guys.
Sorry for the super long post, it's been torture to realize these things and have her not come clean about the smallest details to make it sound more innocent. Clearly, there is something wrong with her, but I have a deep loyalty streak and we've been together for almost 5 years. I want her to come clean without me probing her- that has happened with some of the other stories but not these two. I hope that if she gets her story straight and it lines up with the story (and it does not involve sex), that maybe we can move on and I can forgive her. She has been very loyal to me ever since, although a little crazy- including constantly accusing me of wanting to cheat on her. I just want to know who the hell I've been with the last 5 years!
Help!
As she openly explained her story to me the next day, telling me what a crazy night she had, I went into shock.
She told me that she was worried about her friend and felt that she needed to protect her and that's why she went into the hotel room. At one point she and one or two of the guys went back down to have a cigarette and when they came back up the door had a "do not disturb" sign hanging there. Everyone put it together that my gf's friend was having sex with one of the guys. So one of the other guys suggested they go to another room. She declined and left. She told me she felt so proud of herself when she was walking home.
Thing is, the story didn't add up. If the only reason she went up in the hotel room was to protect her friend, she failed on every mark. She left her alone in the room to have sex and then left her there completely when she saw the "do not disturb" sign.
So I started probing her about it. Trying to make her version of the story line up with the reality of what happened. Did she cheat on me? These are the facts that I was able to pull out of her:
• she knew that sex was on the agenda in these guys minds. That her friend wanted to have sex and was very promiscuous.
•my girlfriend had a promiscuous past herself, and acknowledged that if she had not been in a relationship with me there was a chance that she would've ended up having sex.
•this friend of hers that she was worried about was a very aggressive person and not the type to put herself in situations she couldn't handle. My girlfriend knew this because she has been friends with her since they were children.
•the guys whom she had been talking to the most, followed her down to the lobby when she decided to leave to try to talk her into staying. Which explains why she felt so "proud of herself" when she left.
•she told me that when she first went up there she felt very uncomfortable and unsafe so she wanted to leave, but did not feel that way until she got into the hotel room. This part of the story seems implausible since she went down to have a cigarette in the lobby and then came back up in the elevator with them. Also this happened in Washington DC, she is an attractive white female who lived in a not so great neighborhood, and she walked home alone and drunk at 2am, maybe later, when she left. If her sense of safety was so strong, she would not of done that.
•At one point when she was retelling the story to me when I was probing her, she changed many of the facts. Her new story was that went up in the elevator hung out in the room for 10 minutes, talk to a guy there, that there were "at least 10-15 guys in the room, she told her friend she was leaving and left.
•she has a history of telling me stories about men from her past implying that they were friends of hers, but leaving out the part where she had sex with them. I only realized and confronted her about it later and she admitted it. She says the reason for this is that she wanted to block out the memory because she was not proud of it.
•she has a history of lying to me, sometimes about even small things in order to get my approval.
•she uses plausible deniability to get what she wants without having to be accountable that she wanted it. She doesn't have to make a plan or desire what she wants; all she has to do is line herself up for it to happen, that way if she's been rejected she can tell herself she was never interested in the first place. This includes almost every time she and I have had sex.
Finally,
• The first month that we were together she led me to believe that she had dated a guy briefly, admitted at the time that they had sex once a long time ago, but they had become friends and that he had cancer and she was concerned about him. When I objected to her being friends with this guy she quickly said that she didn't want to be friends with him anyway and that she wanted to be left alone. A week or two later she told me that she had told him to leave her alone. I thought it was weird at the time but didn't think much of it. A couple weeks after that he texted her again while we were in bed and she put the phone in my face and explained that it was this guy. I took the phone out of her hand and confronted him through text. I quickly found out through his response that this guy knew a hell of a lot more about me than I knew about him. I lost my shit, turned to her and pushed her for information. At the time she said, that all she wanted was for him to leave her alone and she told him those things in order to convince him to do that. Much, much later she admitted to me that she was trying to make me jealous of him, as well as making the other guy jealous of me. That the only reason why she was talking to him was to get revenge because of how he treated her like a slut before, but had no plans on ever seeing him, let alone sleeping with him. She just wanted to lead him on and then ignore him. My girlfriend is very easily swayed, and he is very persuasive. I don't know if I can trust her story, I don't even feel entirely sure if she actually met him. She denies vehemently that she has never cheated on me.
I don't know what to believe. The story of the text message incident happened only a few weeks before the hotel incident. All of this happened 4.5 years ago, with no incidences after. At the time I had severe DP, and so I was not so sharp at connecting the dots. The reason why this came up so many years later, is that I have been coming out of the DP and started being able to connect the dots. Her story still doesn't make sense and she has dragged her feet in admitting the slightest details. She continues to use plausible deniability, so she doesn't have to be accountable for much of it, and she continues to change the fact of the story to try to make them fit what she is saying.
I know she used me as a prop to get her kicks, I know that what she has admitted to me, at least so far, was very unfaithful and selfish, but I have this 50/50 sense that she might have actually slept with these guys.
Sorry for the super long post, it's been torture to realize these things and have her not come clean about the smallest details to make it sound more innocent. Clearly, there is something wrong with her, but I have a deep loyalty streak and we've been together for almost 5 years. I want her to come clean without me probing her- that has happened with some of the other stories but not these two. I hope that if she gets her story straight and it lines up with the story (and it does not involve sex), that maybe we can move on and I can forgive her. She has been very loyal to me ever since, although a little crazy- including constantly accusing me of wanting to cheat on her. I just want to know who the hell I've been with the last 5 years!
Help!
