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Hi I'm new here

My Girlfriend suffers from Anxiety/Depression and DP and just broke up with me because she can't feel love for me!
She tried to keep our relationship but she can't pretend that everything is good but it isn't! And she feels guilty to stay in a relationship with me without loving me! She told me that she hate to break my heart but she can't anymore! She want it so badly to have a future with me and build a family and everything but she cant feel it and don't want to let me kinda wait or ruin it in the future. She told me that I am the best what's ever happened to her and she should love me because I'm such a nice guy and everything but there is no feeling and that stresses her out and makes she crazy because she should love me!
So now she tries to get over it with breaking up with me to don't get stressed out anymore.

I'm so sad about it and don't know what to do! I want to support her but the thing what is stressing her out the most is Me! Is this a phase from her DP and time will help her to get over it and feel love for me again? Or is it more like she will never love me?

Thanks in advance
 

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I suffer from DP and broke up with my boyfriend because I couldn't feel anything anymore for anything/anyone. I don't even love my family even though I know I do. It's a terrible feeling and letting a loved one go because of DP is so, so sad. I know exactly how she feels and I did everything to keep my relationship going with my boyfriend even though I feel like this too, but it's very hard and it's so hard to describe these feelings to someone who hasn't experienced it. I'm sorry about your girl and I hope the best for her and you. Sorry but sometimes theres nothing you can do and you simply have to let go... Or stay by her side as a friend and support her as much as you can, but that's not always easy when you've been dating...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for that answer.
I want to support her wherever I can and she knows that.
I probably won't see or hear from her until end of August.
Do you think you could fall in love with him again when you're better?
For me it's THE WOMAN I want to have a future with! I know how she is when she is "normal" and that's just an awesome person with a really nice personality and a big heart!
I never felt so loved from a woman as from her!
 

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I think the best thing you can do is cut her loose and give her a clean break, for two reasons. Firstly, feeling that abrupt loss on her end might trigger the emotional response needed for her to recognize that she made a mistake (dumping you).

If that doesn't pan out, you can at least have a fresh start without that heartbreaking feeling of wanting her back but never quite being able to have her because you're "just friends."

Give her the gift of missing you, let her existing (girl)friends be her friends, then see where that takes you. Tough situation though, my sympathies.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
@Chicane why do you think that maybe I'll never be able to get her back because of friend zone ?
I think she will get better the next few weeks because she is working far away and there is not that much stress for her. She can relax and calm down without worrying about me or anything else
 

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Give her the gift of missing you
My 2 cent.

Been on all sides of this, even read a big book on it to get a good understanding. First, I know how it feels, i've been in a long relationship break up and dam it's tough. I am gonna try and write this without chucking generic terms at you, as you can read them online anywhere, like Reddit.

DP - Yep dating can be hard, sometimes you have to learn to love with your head than your feeling when you are numb and I know from experience I've lost many friends due to another illness at the time I have as I just too ill to even function, being in a relationship is hard work and it's more than being a therapist or feeling like you've got one, that's why they exist. Sometimes you got to be in the right place for things to happen, it's like how many opportunities (I dunno how old you are) have you had that you ever thought "man, if that had came 1 year ago I wouldn't have been ready"...

If you want to be the 'nice guy' you will become the support, a friend, a platonic relationship, this lows attraction, could go into detail, but i'd advice reading or audio book of https://www.amazon.co.uk/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360, Forget the winning the part of your dreams blah blah, it helps you understand the roles in relationships and is one of the best books i've ever read, even talks about when to walk away, it's helped me recently even with friends who are guys, the guy is a bit of a player, but his understanding is great.

You have to understand a relationship works two ways, honestly what you two want are different things, this can't really be. Not currently anyway.

So either be a lovely friend, therapist and accept it and understand that if you do this, that won't change. You are friends now. I'd personally say no, worst thing to do. You will be stuck thinking about a girl who if needs you, she will call you, but you'll never feel her love. She will make you constantly just feel rejected. I've rejected people who were my favourite people, illness, or even crushes, one wants to date, one doesn't, been on both sides, it's back to the, you want different things thing..

If you only see this person as someone you want to be with, Chicane's quote above. You won't FRIEND HER into wanting you, if anything you being there all the time will do the opposite. Again, lets be honest, you didn't write this post because you wanted to be her friend....you wrote this because you want to win her back.

You can't change her mind, you can however give her space, people want what's not available to them, what they miss, it will also give her a chance to focus on her illness, her health and get things straight in her life, sometimes we all need that. It takes two, right now she needs space, you'll just push her away if you do anything else and you need to focus on yourself, not spend the next x amount of time trying to impress or 'win' her over or change her mind.

"What you fear you attract, and what you look at disappears".

I'm not saying be a cold dick btw, if she needs help answer the call, but don't text her, i'd not reach out at all, she walked away.

My takeaways :

Give her space and let HER come to YOU, she makes the effort, she comes to you, she left, you didn't shift. You are grounded and have more in the universe to offer than advice.

Unless you just want to be her friend and that's it, you can't be her friend try and go under the radar wanting to be her boyfriend the whole time, big red buzzer.

Focus on yourself

If she does talk to you, you don't want to just be a friend, keep it short, ask if she wants to see you, if you don't make a romantic plan, keep the conversation short and get off the phone, don't think talking for 2 hours and catching up on the phone is anything but being friends. Don't act like a clingy girl. This won't be ease, but it's a sure way as the nice guy to be her best frewwwend.

Realise how you feel, If you need to, even for a short time, try a therapist to talk about how you feel, monitor how your depression and anxiety is, go to the gym or for walks and remember to look after yourself.

Break up's are some of the hardest things, getting out the house and just hanging with friends, taking your mind of stuff is one of the best things you can do. Often break up's can be sore on your confidence, that's why a lot talk about going to the gym, doing things they are passionate about, at the start it will be hard to find anything, probably be on your mind a lot, it does suck but that's natural and part of the process my friend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hey @CK1

Thanks for this!! I will have a look at this book for sure! But it looks like I already had a book with this stuff and I usually know how the female mind is working when it gets to attraction. I've read "The attraction code" and I know that it's too easy to get into the friend zone but you'll probably never come out of it!

To my story with her..
She tried really hard to not break up with me because it's kind of a pattern for her to break up when her DP gets to crazy for her because she can't feel love anymore and than she starts thinking about it and that it's not fair and Blabla. She is really onset to me about her feelings with DPnor what's happened in the past.

She broke up with me because I was the "last thing" what stressed her out and she couldn't stop thinking on me and asking herself "will I love him again? Can I love him how he loves me? Can we have a future together?"
It makes she crazy because she had really bad ex boyfriends (not always) but she told me that I'm the best what's ever happen to her and she was really really happy with me. She told me she is afraid to not love anymore or to not live another guy if she can't love me anymore.
She is so sorry about these things and I believe her in this case. She really tried it.

She is working at a lodge for the month and I won't see her and I won't message her until she messages me. We need to see each other again because we still have stuff from each other.
I know I need to attract and date her again to not land in the friend zone. I think if her emotions and feelings for me or her family just "covered" from her DP, she will Start feel again and maybe he old feelings come back?!?!
I'm over 30 and she as well. I don't have depression or DP I'm just writing here because I want to help her and want her back.
 

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Wasibi,
I hope I could give you another advice...
If you chase all the posts I started on this forum you will see that I was like you.
I was just willing to get a bit of hope here but didn't get much. And finally it finished bad as most of the people suggested.
I wish you the best in this fight. You are awesome for being willing to help.
 
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