Find a therapist in your area:
No, I really don't mean that at all, peacedove. You *can* get to it with a good therapist. I am in the midst of doing it myself, and though it's hard, it's definitely possible. The pain is actually not all that buried, right? It manifests itself in how you feel today. You need someone that you like as a person and feel comfortable with to talk to about your feelings and whose training is primarily in helping people talk about how they feel.peacedove said:Thanks everyone for your replies. Sojourner... so do you think I should be hypnotized?? Cuz I've always thought something really bad must have happened to me when I was little and that's how I got this way... and your posts kinda reaffirmed this belief. I think that's the only way I can face the pain cuz I try digging for the source of this pain myself, but I can never get to it.
I know exactly how you feel, peacedove; but you neednt' worry -- God knows how you feel and it's okay to tell Him you don't understand and that you wonder if He's really there.peacedove said:Phill... I wish I could look forward to being with God forever, but quite honestly he scares me. I'm not completely positive he exists and if he does exist I'm not sure if I like him very much. And now I feel guilty for writing that but he already knows what I'm thinking right? So I'm probably already damned to Hell.
I'm in the process of discovering the cause of my pain right now. It's not necessarily a "fact" or a "real event" -- it's turning out to be a feeling that I had growing up in my family. I find it hard to believe that they didn't "love" me, but I am discovering that the pain inside me is all about deep down inside, today, believing that I never really felt loved. Period. That's just some feeling I have had all my life. What it appears to be saying is not that my family *didn't* love me, but that *I* didn't *feel* it. There's no right or wrong here, just understanding. I have plenty of evidence that my parents and sisters loved me. That I didn't FEEL it says something about ME, not them. Sure, they obviously didn't deliver what I needed or wanted, but if I couldn't accept it then, I have to accept it NOW that they did the best they could. And I have to forgive myself for feeling all this time that I was just an afterthought, the fifth kid who just tagged along and didn't get listened to or paid enough attention.Well my pain isn't buried, but the cause of it is... the cause of the DP is.