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Getting Better or Getting Worse?

621 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  M A R S
So I've been having a weird couple days. I feel unreal, and then i'll feel ok for a few seconds, and then i'll snap back into the dr/dp, and then ok, and then I'll think about how i felt last week when I had the worst experience I'd had, and start thinking about what my mind felt like then and if i was going back into it. It's on like this constant five second over and over replay, back and forth, and it is exhausting. Does this sound at all hopeful, or is it just another aspect of this beast?
Also, does anyone have any thougths as too why i would keep almost forcing myself/bringing myself back to those feelings of the utmost fear that I had those few days, knowing that they will upset me and start me worrying again. It's almost like I'm trying to make myself get them again, even though i dont' want them (or do i, in some f'd up way?) And for those of you who have recovered/gotten better, is it like a constant battle in your head when you first start to force yourself to focus on things around you, a battle in your subconcious while you fight the dr? Sorry if I'm rambling a bit, I'm a bit tired, but I've been thinking about these things a lot tonight.
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hi peaceboy.
Yes for me when recovering its like a constant battle in my head. I even remember when i first started i could hear a second commentry in my head... was like i was in a wrestling ring... and in the red corner weighing in at dp. And in the blue shy. Dp has come out fighting and oh...shy doesnt look so good...but wait shes come out with the focus out technique and dp now looks like his in trouble. dp had bought out the distirbing thoughts how will shy stand up to the challenge..shes countered with some cbt... ect went on like this for two days strait non stop battle! Then the battles kept just getting futher apart. Is a good thing if you are getting breaks and aware of what you are doing with your thoughts. just stay dillegent with what your doing. Keep bringing yourself back to being present and not focusing on dr. Also i think sometimes we put ourselves back in it as its better the devil you know. Its almost like you have adapted to the dr/dp state so it pulls you back into the comfort zone of that familiar feeling. You just have to adapt back to the living without it. I think your post sounds very promising.
Hope this makes some sense.

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