As mentioned in another thread, I've had DR incidents since about 11 years old (thinking about infinity etc and then getting that horrible terrifying insane state of mind with panic attack). Luckily, always temporary and I can got for months or years without the thoughts invading.
For those stuck with this more permanently, you have my deepest sympathies. There IS a different universe out there though.
About 6-7 weeks ago I had a sort of psychic storm involving physical anxiety symptons and constantly fighting off DR thoughts.
It was exactly the same time as a moderate geomagnetic storm was taking place due to sun spot activity. My gut tells me this was a trigger (one psychiatiric journal reported in the 90's that pschiatric hospital admission goes up significanlty during sunspot activity) as well as stress in my life.
Something to bear in mind when things leap out of the blue.
I found this forum and found that my 'existance attacks' as I called them were not just me!
My crisis did have the benefit of me telling close family members and seeking a healer. Reaching out in and of itself made quite a difference to the stress - and you face the fear of exposing oneself.
The healer has been the best therapist I have seen and bodywork (not just talk therapy) is definitely much needed for me. I won;t go into great detail in this post but her synopsis of my energy system was "its very fragile and blocked, and your bottom chakra is totally blocked"
If I were a car I'd probably be traded in for something with less rust and dysfucntion ;-). I did find this feedback quite amusing as its pretty much "yes, you are f**ed up".
I've noticed in the healing sessions that part of me wants to heal....and it often pushes my mind to the side as a chattery overwound thing "get out of the drivers seat you nutcase" and takes over.
I suspect the overthinking and agnosiing staring into the void of DR thoughts is NOT a symptom of a healthy human organism or a concious being. And possibly not much to do with genuine spiritual enlightenment, even though it feels like a 'reverse' enlightenment of terror.
The experience itself is traumatic. I've realised there were other mental epsiodes as a child (such as obbsessive compulsion) that disturbed me, but I never reached out for help. Its a terrible burden for someone to carry...to think at nine years old you are mentally sick, or are guilty about masterbation or a whole host of other disturbing or difficult aspects to being alive (even though they are common, or normal) - yet one soldiers on, with dysfunctional survival mechnisms. Throw on other stresses in life (divorcing parents, neglect etc) and you have a recipe for a rather scarred and troubled individual.
I don;t think this is uncommon, and the irony is that a great many people are wounded, but are in a cultural structure where being lonely is easy, and these things are not talked about much.
I didn;t think I suffered from anxiety, but this was completly wrong in retrospect - it runs in my family and I realise more and more what I consider normal or relaxed, well, isn't!
I suspect many on this forum are carrying similar burdens.
All this makes one humble and less judgemental though. People look down on the drunken tramp, but they don't know what he has had to cope with. Or they become guilty about their own coping mechanisms, which may be the best they can do given the situation.
Bit of a brain dump here. Add salt as required.
All the best. You are not alone on this very hard journey called being alive!
AM
For those stuck with this more permanently, you have my deepest sympathies. There IS a different universe out there though.
About 6-7 weeks ago I had a sort of psychic storm involving physical anxiety symptons and constantly fighting off DR thoughts.
It was exactly the same time as a moderate geomagnetic storm was taking place due to sun spot activity. My gut tells me this was a trigger (one psychiatiric journal reported in the 90's that pschiatric hospital admission goes up significanlty during sunspot activity) as well as stress in my life.
Something to bear in mind when things leap out of the blue.
I found this forum and found that my 'existance attacks' as I called them were not just me!
My crisis did have the benefit of me telling close family members and seeking a healer. Reaching out in and of itself made quite a difference to the stress - and you face the fear of exposing oneself.
The healer has been the best therapist I have seen and bodywork (not just talk therapy) is definitely much needed for me. I won;t go into great detail in this post but her synopsis of my energy system was "its very fragile and blocked, and your bottom chakra is totally blocked"
If I were a car I'd probably be traded in for something with less rust and dysfucntion ;-). I did find this feedback quite amusing as its pretty much "yes, you are f**ed up".
I've noticed in the healing sessions that part of me wants to heal....and it often pushes my mind to the side as a chattery overwound thing "get out of the drivers seat you nutcase" and takes over.
I suspect the overthinking and agnosiing staring into the void of DR thoughts is NOT a symptom of a healthy human organism or a concious being. And possibly not much to do with genuine spiritual enlightenment, even though it feels like a 'reverse' enlightenment of terror.
The experience itself is traumatic. I've realised there were other mental epsiodes as a child (such as obbsessive compulsion) that disturbed me, but I never reached out for help. Its a terrible burden for someone to carry...to think at nine years old you are mentally sick, or are guilty about masterbation or a whole host of other disturbing or difficult aspects to being alive (even though they are common, or normal) - yet one soldiers on, with dysfunctional survival mechnisms. Throw on other stresses in life (divorcing parents, neglect etc) and you have a recipe for a rather scarred and troubled individual.
I don;t think this is uncommon, and the irony is that a great many people are wounded, but are in a cultural structure where being lonely is easy, and these things are not talked about much.
I didn;t think I suffered from anxiety, but this was completly wrong in retrospect - it runs in my family and I realise more and more what I consider normal or relaxed, well, isn't!
I suspect many on this forum are carrying similar burdens.
All this makes one humble and less judgemental though. People look down on the drunken tramp, but they don't know what he has had to cope with. Or they become guilty about their own coping mechanisms, which may be the best they can do given the situation.
Bit of a brain dump here. Add salt as required.
All the best. You are not alone on this very hard journey called being alive!
AM
