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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Yeah so its been what a two week hiatus from this website? I remember one of you said, " take some time away from here because you are frustrated" well that happened, and the frustration DID NOT decrease, matter of fact i feel more frustrated than ever. I really don't even think about DP that much anymore, i don't even know what that is, as i was never told that I have it, but as my therapist says i have Derealization or as he likes to term it i feel " derealment". That i can definietly agree on, that has not gotten better. I recently just got a job, working part time at a super market, about 30 hours a week, or somewhere around there & i don't even give a fuck. I don't even want to work there, but i know that i have to, so i can have a more steady income for myself, especially since i start community college in the fall, another thing i feel like i Have to do. Im not happy about either of these things, I just look at them as tasks or things that need to be done.

I feel so frustrated & aggrivated with my life and where its at. As most of you know, Music is my passion & talent and thats what I want to do, but even that is not working out like expected. I know most of you aren't familiar with the type of music im into or at least don't like it, but all creative proccesses are similar in one way or another. My best friend is going away to music college in the fall, we were suppose to work on a cd this summer because we both wanted to get something done before he left, well that plan turned to complete shit. My motivation has been sucked right out of me and i feel like i have a creative blockage and this frustrates and depresses me to no end. The other thing is, hes leaving this god awful state & im stuck here on Hopeless Island. I realize that especially in terms of music, there is NOTHING here for me or mostly anyone. Thats why theres not too many famous people from here & the ones that do get notoriety, usually leave. The thing is I can't leave right now, my parents want me to go to CC because they are not sure that i am ready for college & im not even sure that im ready for college. If i had things my way, i would be living in a recording studio making music all day, but obviously thats a dream that is far from my grasp right now.

My " group of friends" has slowly diminished, i haven't spoken to a bunch of them in like a month, i guess i only have a few real friends left, if that. I just don't feel motivated, and some of you might say, well complaining doesn't help, your right it doesn't, but what happens when you actually try to go out & do productive things i.e. music, sports, social shit etc & it all just turns to shit. Or you do other productive things like get a job, go to school, but really you don't even care about either one. I feel like im constantly on edge & frustrated with everything, im probably a miserable bastard to be around, its like i just want to break free & be happy but thats impossible.

Also i believe the weight gain i had was attributed to Respirdol that i am on, thankfully my apperance hasn't turned for the worse, probably because i exercise on a regular basis.

i just turned 19 a few days ago & instead of being happy i just looked back on how much of a mess the last year has been & how miserable i still feel.

I just want to be happy & not frustrated anymore, i want to do what i want to do but that seems out of reach at the moment. I can't get any relief from this bullshit! And now i find myself back here & feel like im going back to square one again.

Also i want to let the mods know, although i did email Rev, that everytime i try to make a post or go to a different forum it says that i have to log in my screename & password, i can't even send a PM or make a post without having to do this like 3 times. Can someone fix this please?
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
thanks SC, actually this time i came to the site using Internet Explorer & it didn't keep asking me to log in, so maybe it was just the other browser.

Peace
 

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soulbrothermanguy/your name,
hey, i was 19 when my dp started and it bites hard bc everyone you know is going off to school or starting school and suddenly youve got this crazy feeling inside your head and cant go off with them.

"Music is my passion & talent and thats what I want to do, but even that is not working out like expected. "

your music is a huge factor... you cant let this get in the way of your music, though. if thats your dream, continue to jam it. i write music too and have since before the dp started and yeah i saw a change in it from pre-dp to post-dp. thats one of the few things that has kept me sane is the fact that i can still play instruments and create music, throughout this whole ordeal.

"you do other productive things like get a job, go to school, but really you don't even care about either one. "

youre doing exactly what any 'normal' person should do in your situation.
work, study..... they may seem insignificant compared to whats going on in your head but in truth, thats the way out of this mess. well, at least in my case, it helped greatly to focus on school or work instead of your head.

anyway, time to stop rambling. we should start an all-dp group. some crazy music would come out of that, eh?

blake

"so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick.."
-Adam Lazzara
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
ahhh i feel so miserable right now, it just makes me wanna go jump off a bridge & put an end to this misery.
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hey soulbro. The way I look at it, you're not going back to square one. If I ever left this place, instead of helping me it would probably make me worse. I would be wondering what everyone is posting and how everyone is. For me just telling myself that instead of going to the site and posting all day, I'm going out with my friends to get my mind off of it and it usually helps. You're here to get help, to talk to people who understand (for the most part) what you're going through and that's what everyone is here for. So don't feel bad about coming back. I'm still here to talk if you ever want to. welcome back!

lauren
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
hey Lauren sorry about that misunderstanding that we had before

if you ever want to talk again on AIM or whatever, just PM me & i'll give you my new sceename or vice versa.

thanks everyone, im just having a rough transitional time right now.

Peace
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Kari you got nice lips, that is if thats you in that picture? lol

thanks everyone for the replies

i will try to make it
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
hey soulbrotha. i felt what has helped me cope with it and even improved the condition is the attitude i took. I said to my self. F*#k it this is the way it is. Nothing in my world has changed, everything is still exactly the same and deep down im still the same person living inside, the only difference is my perception. So i said to myself this s*#t aint gona run my life, there is no reason in hell it should stop me from doing anything.

I spose its like some people that end up in wheelchairs or disabled or the like. Why should this stop me from doing anything. It cant stop you from doing anything, and that includes living life. The only thing that can stop you is your attitude to the situation.

I know this is easier said than done, but just remeber dont lose hope, and dont let it get the upper hand.

This is what has helped me, may not help everyone but its my two cents.

Hang in there mate. :)
 
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