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10 Posts
Lately I'm not sure if I'm getting better, worse, or staying the same. I can eat, but my appetite is usually not there until late in the evening(zoloft side effect?). I can get to sleep on my own for the most part with no sleep aides, however I'm still confused as to whether I sleep all night. I think I might be experiencing false awakenings. I know I wake up briefly but when I check my clock I can't tell if I've been asleep for an hour or lying awake; partially because my sense of time is sped up. Anyone experience this? I'm also still having the dream flashbacks from past dreams which is one of the most horrifying.
At this point I completely recognize people and surroundings. I can go to the store or out and about without feeling lost. I recognize my face and body. I don't have that strange sense of something being off when I look at my fiance or my daughter anymore; although I question if they are really there sometimes.. almost like I feel alone in a room full of people. Something does feel slightly off in general and I can't pinpoint it. Its like I'm on the cusp of breaking through the dr/dp but can't quite get there. For some reason things seem closest at night. Everything seems so close to real.
I don't cry all day anymore.. don't think I have anxiety and I haven't had any panic attacks in a month. My memory is terrible though! I feel disorganized and forgetful and spaced with a slow reaction time but I know that can't be true because I can recall very old memories, spell complex words, and breeze through video games with ease. The existential thoughts are pretty bad sometimes.
Think Jack Black in Year One-
^That is me. I remember having similar thoughts after I had my daughter 5 years ago, "Oh no I had a child at 18 and I should have waited. there's nothing left for me to accomplish in life.. just to die." I know now how ridiculous those thoughts were. There's plenty left to accomplish, New house, new job, watching my child grow up, more children, family, vacations, parties, shopping.
At the moment I'm stuck on how fast time passes for me and never getting it back. It always seems when I lie down for bed I was just there a few hours ago although its been 12+. Its just frustrating having all these symptoms and wondering where I stand and if I'll ever be "normal" again.
At this point I completely recognize people and surroundings. I can go to the store or out and about without feeling lost. I recognize my face and body. I don't have that strange sense of something being off when I look at my fiance or my daughter anymore; although I question if they are really there sometimes.. almost like I feel alone in a room full of people. Something does feel slightly off in general and I can't pinpoint it. Its like I'm on the cusp of breaking through the dr/dp but can't quite get there. For some reason things seem closest at night. Everything seems so close to real.
I don't cry all day anymore.. don't think I have anxiety and I haven't had any panic attacks in a month. My memory is terrible though! I feel disorganized and forgetful and spaced with a slow reaction time but I know that can't be true because I can recall very old memories, spell complex words, and breeze through video games with ease. The existential thoughts are pretty bad sometimes.
Think Jack Black in Year One-
^That is me. I remember having similar thoughts after I had my daughter 5 years ago, "Oh no I had a child at 18 and I should have waited. there's nothing left for me to accomplish in life.. just to die." I know now how ridiculous those thoughts were. There's plenty left to accomplish, New house, new job, watching my child grow up, more children, family, vacations, parties, shopping.
At the moment I'm stuck on how fast time passes for me and never getting it back. It always seems when I lie down for bed I was just there a few hours ago although its been 12+. Its just frustrating having all these symptoms and wondering where I stand and if I'll ever be "normal" again.
