Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
352 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well some of you who read my last post know that I've had a major relapse with dp/anxiety/depression, and I'm right back to square one.
Basically all the little comforts I had created at home, my stable liitle life that brought me so much comfort, was all totally shattered when moving away to uni, which was something I hadn't previously considered would be a problem.
Now this is like the first time I've ever experienced it this bad. Even though I can vividly remember all those hellish 'early' experiences of two years ago, it's like I've never existed outside this current state. I was sitting there in class yeseterday, we were discussing Homer's Odyssey. It all felt so unreal, everything, the teacher, the classroom, the content of the bookmade no sense.
It's agonising to think how good I was feeling just five weeks ago, I can't believe I did in fact feel like that, I muist simply have imagined it.
This sh*t is so horrible.

p.s.One of you asked in my last thread what my degree is, well, that's perhaps part of the problem, it's...er...philosophy. You guys must think I'm mad. But it is in fact testament to how good I was feeling last April when I made th decison to study it. I was happy and comfortable delving into philosophical issues (even those realted to perception, the nature of reality etc). But now it just screws me up further. I cant' quit this degree though, I just can't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
352 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well thanks for the advice guys.
One other thing I need to take into consideration is that this time of year is always difficult for me, even before mental illness.
Somehow I?m plowing on like a terminator, both relentless and autonomous :shock: !! I?ve got a part time job in a bar. I worked there for the first time last night, I performed ok, but inside I was just gone, hanging on to reality by thefinest of threads. I?m still going to the gym, but getting nothing out of it (working out was one of the things that really heped me get over dp before). I?ve just come back from my driving lesson, it was the most unreal screwed up experience ever, but somehow I still performed ok. The ability I have to carry on as normal, inspite of the apparent anihilation of my reality, is something that both amazes and terrifies me. The one thing I can fake, however, is conversing with other people, I haven?t had one genuine chat with anyone since I?ve been here. Although I?ve still made quite a few friends, this is perhaps testament to my natural charisma (only kidding), or testament to the low social standards of my new friends. Well that?s unfair, it?s probably testament to their benevolence more than anything.

I?m in a very dark place right now, but I?m clutching to those distant memories of that glorious summer just gone by.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top