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Here's some background of my situation, to give a little insight on my life: derealization and generalized anxiety started for me August of last year a few weeks after a horrible weed experience. I experienced panic attacks weekly for nearly 2 months and constant uncomfortable feelings of anxiety which manifested into physical problems as well. Physical problems such as the random pains, breathing, I couldn't even exercise without getting anxiety. I didnt feel like myself anymore and drinking also gave me anxiety. I would also experience DR episodes were I though everything I was looking at could possibly be a hallucination or that maybe I was really in a coma.

Anywho, I was eventually able to overcome most of that if you interested in knowing how let me know, I wouldnt mind sharing my story :).

However although I don't experience DR episodes much anymore, the questioning still lingers from time to time. I know right they are just questions and I am learning to accept them even though I don't want to be philosophical because it can be uncomfortable to think so deeply about the world and the existential thoughts.

With that being said, here's my problem!!

I want to go away for grad school, its about 5 hours from where I live and i've never moved away from home. I have always wanted to try going away from home but I often worry about how my family will be if I leave. I know my mom doesnt want me to go, but I feel staying at home is my comfort zone and although I appreciate it I think in order to truly grow I have to accept these thoughts in a different place and understand my thoughts are irrational. However, its always easier said than done, I fear I may leave home and have a nervous breakdown, who will I run to then ... I would no longer have my family to protect me. ( ive never had a nervous breakdown btw but just saying you know...) I feel like being 5 hours away from home will definitely errupt lots of questions from my mind because I wont believe that I have really left home. I feel like it will cause dissociation within me.

What if I want to hang out with new people have a drink or something, and my anxiety errupts .. I cant go home at the end of the night and that's what scares me the most. Even worst if my grandmother ( whom is my dearest bestfriend ) passes away will im all the way over there I would feel extremely horrible. ( my grandmother tells me that if she were to live another 25 years , I would of lost all that valuable time by worrying about her .. which I find a valid point but still part of me worries ). She tells me I am able to make my own decision and no one should stop me from what I want to do.. but then I also notice that she keeps bringing up a school near my home.

*sigh this is such a hard decision to make ... any I will be receiving my hopefully acceptance letter any day now. I want to go but at the same time Im just really scared, I often feel anxious everyday about it .. i think about it practically everyday and everytime I feel a smidget of anxiety, I ask myself what are you gonna do when you feel this hours away from home!?

I guess im just asking for advice , from what you have read what would you encourage me to do i guess.
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