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Why does it feel like its a whole different beast with each relapse. New perception of the disorder itself/new symptoms/etc.

The first time i got this i made it to about 90% then relapsed from a build up of poor life choices. I thought that was absolutely the worst i had ever felt in my life but when i relapsed again it was like taking on a whole new animal. After about 4 months after the relapsed it felt like i was making decent progress and then one night stupidly i stayed up for 24 hours straight and it sent me completely back to square one even worse. Trying to bring myself up from this second relapse but this one feels more hopeless than any of them before. This time it truly feels like im stuck this way and im having the hardest time feeling like ill ever make it out of this. Before i relapsed this last time i would have pockets where i had sliver of hope. Now it literally just feels like im so stuck and have zero clue what normal feels like.
 

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Why does it feel like its a whole different beast with each relapse. New perception of the disorder itself/new symptoms/etc.

The first time i got this i made it to about 90% then relapsed from a build up of poor life choices. I thought that was absolutely the worst i had ever felt in my life but when i relapsed again it was like taking on a whole new animal. After about 4 months after the relapsed it felt like i was making decent progress and then one night stupidly i stayed up for 24 hours straight and it sent me completely back to square one even worse. Trying to bring myself up from this second relapse but this one feels more hopeless than any of them before. This time it truly feels like im stuck this way and im having the hardest time feeling like ill ever make it out of this. Before i relapsed this last time i would have pockets where i had sliver of hope. Now it literally just feels like im so stuck and have zero clue what normal feels like.
hey bud

i relapsed after 9 good years. and its totally differently for me also.. a new animal is a very good description
 

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I noticed the more I recovered the more I realized that when I thought I were at 90% I was really more like 50%.

Progression is not linear. When you say "relapse" do you mean relapse in the sense that you take a mind altering substance and having a panic attack/disassociating? Feeling worse one day vs another isn't relapsing.
 

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I noticed the more I recovered the more I realized that when I thought I were at 90% I was really more like 50%.

Progression is not linear. When you say "relapse" do you mean relapse in the sense that you take a mind altering substance and having a panic attack/disassociating? Feeling worse one day vs another isn't relapsing.
My perception of DPDR is deep rooted obstructed intrusive thought patterns, so i kind of look at overcoming DPDR as an obstacle course in the sense of its not really like i progressively feel better as a whole (more linear as you stated) its more overcoming different chapters of the feelings/thoughts so when i say relapsed i had progressed pretty far in overcoming certain chapters of fears/intrusive thoughts and my "relapse" brought me back to square one in feeling like i had forgot everything i taught myself and going through the initial hell everyone goes through when they first get it.
 
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