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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wrote here a few weeks ago about intrusive memories/images that really bother me. You explained that they're caused by something called primary processing thinking (or something like that). I posted another question about that but all posts written that day disappeared.

Now I'm begging you to help me, this is getting worse and worse. I'm not sure this is dp/dr anymore or maybe it is, but it's different than before. It feels like I'm living in my memories. They're TOO vivid, I can remember things I didn't know I COULD remember. Like they happened yesterday. And the worst part is, those memories/images change all the time, I can get 5 of them in A MINUTE. I can't even describe how awful and scary it is. I liked dp/dr better. Even if I didn't "know" where I was, at least the feeling didn't change all the time. Now it can feel as I'm in my grandmothers kitchen for a second, and then I can suddenly get a really vivid memory (athmosphere might be a better word) from a particular restaurant in Italy that I visited last summer. Life is pure hell and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I can't just ignore those memories, because they just come in my head and are too vivid to ignore.

Please help me. What can I do? Didn't you write once that psychotic people use that primary process thinking? Am I psychotic or is this related to dp/dr? For ONCE I would like to be in this present moment and not somewhere in my past memories. Did you suffer from this? Is there anything I could do? I try to ignore them, I really do, but it seems to be impossible. I'm so afraid this will never end. I've suffered from dp/dr for 8 years (on and off) and I've never had it this bad. Please help me.

H
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
You are definitely not psychotic. I used to have those "memory trips" too. For me, it felt like I was suddenly being transported (ala Star Trek, lol) into another dimension of time and place...the emotional memory seemed "out of sync" with my present time and place reality. Very scary and it truly sounds insane, agreed.

It's again, a "normal" function of a brain in an altered state of consciousness (and yes, you remembered the term correctly, primary process thinking)

That is the same "style" of thought we use in dreams. You know how in a dream there are no "rules" of einstein's time and place? You can be walking down the stairs in a dream and suddenly "appear" in your own past, in the school playground from first grade...then you can turn around and be in your office as an adult, then turn around again, and be on a battlefield in the middle of a war. THAT is primary process experience, and we accept this as "not crazy" when dreaming because we know everyone does it.

In DP states, we are already playing close to the ledge of consciousness. Then add to it the self-monitoring we all do, and we tip over into the abyss of a regression, and we truly feel like we're living on an acid trip!

THe thing that is making your situation worse is that you are watching yourself like a hawk. You wake up in the morning and immediately assess how normal or abnormal you feel. Then you try to remember any dreams you had and assess how normal or abnormal they seem. Then you think about what you need to do today and imagine how you will or won't feel normal doing it. Then you worry because you can't remember exactly what you did yesterday. Then you scare yourself into thinking you don't even feel like you're HERE. Then you try to MAKE yourself feel like you're here, and then you start having more intrusive thoughts and images. Then you feel like you're STILL dreaming and are scared to get out of the bed. You have not even set the first FOOT on the floor, yet! And you're already obsessing about watching yourself and watching yourself obsess.

THAT is what makes you feel like your condition is getting worse. You must find some way to not observe your experience minute by minute, and the poor ol' brain will begin to readjust itself back into more ordinary thinking!!

peace,
J
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Then you think about what you need to do today and imagine how you will or won't feel normal doing it.
Holy crap! I STILL do this and I feel fine these days. I'm like, "Oh crap I have to work at 4... I wonder what I will feel like then?"

It drives me crazy :x
 

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I don't know I bought this copy of Dianetics and i feel GREAT now!

J/K don't do that...please don't do that guys

Um I was going to say something but kind of forgot.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you Janine! I'm so grateful that you're here to help us. These intrusive memories feel so weird that I haven't been able to tell my therapist about them (I just know she wouldn't understand). Luckily you really do understand! You make me feel I'm not that abnormal after all... and thank you also for the explanation about random thoughts/words that you gave to charger, I have that too occasionally but was too afraid to write about it. I know I have a lot of issues I have to try to solve/understand with the help of my therapist (i.e. my unhappy childhood) and now I feel much better about it. Until now these weird symptoms have bothered me too much and thus prevented me from concentrating on more important issues. Thanks to you, I can try to not think about those symptoms all the time because I know now they can't hurt me.

H
 

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I was being silly...i don't know why

I was being sarcastic about dianetics and begging people not to try "dianetics" as a source of recovery...it's some stupid Scientology shit
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I totally understand what you are talking about. I have been getting the same thing on and off for years. It makes me feel scared, disoriented and confused. I sometimes get it too when I am on the phone and I suddenly feel as if I am at the place I am discussing with that person.

I also get it in my own house or when driving. Suddenly the road will look like a road I drove on in Northern California, and I am in Hawaii. It has been told to me that this is called a flash anxiety experience. It happens quickly, something feels different, the lighting in the room changes and bam, in a milli second everything changes. The body shoots out adrenaline, things look and feel different and our minds go running off with the uncomfortable feelings and sensation. It's as if our minds our tricking us. This is what DR is, Perceptual distortions. DR is the result of constantly checking in, not trusting ourselves, our nervous systems become sensitized, any sort of strange "woosh" sensation will feel much bigger then it really is.

Try to not let yourself get too freaked out over these experiences. They come and they go. They cannot hurt you, you are not going crazy. You just need to be kind to yourself and give your nervous sysytem time to heal. As Janine said give your poor little brain a break. Next time you have one of these experiences try and say to yourself, I know what this is, I am not going to fall into the fear trap, I am just sensitized and this will go away. I am okay.

I believe that taking supplements that support your nervous system are also helpful ie B vitamins, calcium, magnesium, and omegas.

xo
Sassy
 
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