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For A Change Of Topic: What You Appreciate

456 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  whiterabbit
So i just went back to college, today actually, for my sophomore year, and I'm writing this from my dorm. I've had dp 24/7 for three years, and there are those days when i get super discouraged about it, but there are also those days, like today, when i think of how much it has given me, and how much I've learbed about myself and the world that i might not have otherwise because of it. Here's a short list of the things that i can put into words. Some of the things i appreciate are rather abstract concepts and don't translate fantastically well into english from my brain, so those won't be here.

-I have become more selfless, because it has helped me to realize that everyone struggles in their different way, and kindness and selflessness is really much more fulfiling that being inside yourself constantly.

-It has opened up a world of existential thought that i truly believe i would have gone trough my whole life without thinking about.

-It has shown me hiw much the people around me care about me, and how much they are willing to help me through anything.

-It has catalyzed my own artistic rennesaince (sp?)

-I am coming out of my worst run of dp/dr ever with new faith, in a spiritual sense. Lately it has proven more difficult to not believe in God than to believe. I'm not joining the church or anything, but it's an interesting revelation.

So post some of your own appreciations of dp/dr, and i think that if everyone looks deep enough, they can find a lot of good stuff about it.
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I say that Television, because I have spent the majority of the past 30 years in and out of some level of dp state (from the very deep catatonic to the ordinarily excruciating) and being grateful to this illness and the supposed insights it brings when you are out of it is a kind of a trap in my view. One which I have fallen into many times and, as a result, I still have not yet vanquished it from my life. I think it is important to say here that mine is emotionally based rather than drug induced. It has taken away my career, my home, my intimate relationships and it has brought a lot of pain and chaos to other people. Instead of marvelling at its spiritual depths and worshipping at its shrine, I want to walk back down the aisle of Church of DP and learn to live in the hurly burly of the world outside consistently for more than ten months at a time....maybe when I have done that for a period of say ten years, I can think more richly about the dp experience. I think, for me, its just as important to grieve and fully understand what I have lost through this wretched state, because that is what it has been there to do, to stop me feeling the pain and losses in my I have to wrest them back from its grip :arrow:
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