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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

These days I try hard to focus outward.... I recognized today that when I look at a certain way or just think of myself at certain situations, I made myself worse. Example, I am at library, and I try to find a book. I become concentrated on finding the book, and at this moment, I think of the environment I don't see (while searching for the book), and I become very aware of the sounds around me, etc. And once I go out the store, I feel very confused about time, about the environment, etc. And once it's there, I feel disconnected.

I try to do the opposite of this pattern, but it's very hard. All I know now is that sometimes it's 10/10 DP and others times 7/10. I try to recognize the patterns that makes me more DP. And for me, it's to think : Will I be able to work? After : Will I stay like that? After, DP/DR is much worse.

What helps me : not to think, taking a walk with my friends, my baby, watching TV, Klonopin sometimes, Paxil really helps, and reading magazines.

About focusing outward, I still have some problems with it. Sometimes, when I feel disconnected, I look at people around me, objects, and I feel MORE disconnected, more disoriented, like I try to belong but I don't, like THEY exist, but not me (I mean, derealization, I feel just no there). Why? (Janine) Maybe I try too hard?

Anyway, I begin to realize I have always 1000 fears in my head, and I will have to slow them up.


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