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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

Just to say I was very busy those days with parties, etc. And last night I had a party with many friends, and I was so afraid to feel very disconnected and dp/dr, but I said to myself : I go anyway : and surprise, I fetl pretty good, and laughed, we played bowling and I was feeling not SOOO dp/dr, I talked and talked and didn't bother about dp/dr, I actually didn't think about it, and didn't spend hours in front of my computer alone to think about dp, and I must say I had a good time. I stayed up until 2 AM, and felt good. It was a bit like the OLD me, like BEFORE, I was in a place with al my friend, and music, and I was drinking a beer (difference : it was a 0,5 beer! lol) and I was feeling more like a normal person. And I never thought about my obsessions! For me it's VERY rare.

It's sure I come home and begin to think : do I feel myself, etc. But I just wanted to tell you that sometimes, even if you feel that derealization who stills a bit there, when you distract yourself enough, you forgot to analyse yourself and the environment. It is possible but it's very hard to let go.

(but I do believe some calming agents has a good effect on some people, and no, I am not anti-meds).

See ya!

Cynthia xxx
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I sometimes have that too Cynthia.
Its like you loose 'me' for a while but then in the positive sense
of 'loosing' yourself.
Its good to know to still 'have' that ability.
 

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i am really pleased that you managed to focus outwards cynthia....its a start on the long road to recovery.....at least you now know it is possible....good for you :D
 

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Good job Cyn. Staying connected to people is one of the most important components to healing. I'm happy for you. Keep it up.

Ken
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
ditto to what ken says. Connecting with other people is not only a great distraction, but a way to see "you" as mirrored by another person. Which probably doesn't make much sense...... but - way to go :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
and ditto to what sc says. But:

Seeing ourselves mirrored back in someone else's eyes is GLORIOUS....if we like what we see.

But sometimes we withdraw/detach out of terror that we WON'T like what
we see, or more to the point, that we cannot CONTROL how others make us see ourselves.

Hating that helplessness, we pull so far back into ourselves that dp is
only a sidestep away.

food for thought,
J
 

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Yes!

Good job C!

Regarding Janine's post - absolutely true but too enigmatic :wink:

Point is we want control. When control is lost panick is near. And when panick is near DP/DR comes in to hush down that panick.

Controlling the environment is the key here.

1 Being in control, accepting and acting upon deviations = strength
2 Being in control, hating deviations and going on = normal
3 Dreaming/fantasizing about control while feeling helpless = DP/DR
4 Being in control = illusion

Cheers!
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hi Des,

nice to see you back. :D

I agree to what you say but, I need something to calm me (help me to control) thos horrible panick attacks that puts me into deep unreality when I am not under control. That is why I search for a med who will just help me in those times. :?

Because sometimes I feel almost normal, but most f the time, I enter into a transe, especially when I go outside, and the world tilt, and I enter a new dimension, the drugged dimension, with all this confusion, like I took hard drugs, and I am not aware of the time, of what I just did or said, all become foggy in my brain (and it's kind of normal to panick in those MANY times) and sometimes I began to feel weak, palpitations, weak legs, and w/o any meds, I can begin to cry, and this dp/dr worsen ans worsen and it seems it never stops to worsen until I take something to calm down.

It's like I am crazy and this will never go away, and I will never be happy, never perceive the world clearly, calmly, and it can take hours and hours of this (when I try to desensitive myself), until I give up.

THAT is why I don't trust just myself. :( I don't know if I am the only one but sometimes just going into a corridor in a mall seem to me like enter a nightmare and when I go out a few minutes after I am so confused and say to myself : what the hell is causing that? That depresses me for the day, and that scares me to hell.

I had a sad panick attack yesterday, and today I felt dp/dr hard, even if I tried to distract myself. I wrote into my journal yesterday and I wrote what I've felt : It's like I am detached from my old emotions, even my old memories seems not mine, I feel like I am dead and watch the old me live, but I am dead so I can't enter the real world again. :shock: I am disconnected from my soul, and I cry and cry but it doesn,t help me. Sometimes my family seems to strange to me, even my boyfriend and child, I can look at them, and w/o thinking to dp/dr, feeling that I don't recognize them and they look like strangers to me, and I feel that I can panick anytime, and it's the scariest sensation of all times. Sometimes I feel like I fear to be the most horrible person in the world (w/o even having clear pictures in my head), but I have the fear to become a murderer or sexual pervert or being a horrible person. And many times, it's just a tiny tiny thinking, not even a thought, and that put me into fear. It's silly cause I am far from being a bad person in real life. Those fears happen often in the night.

Thanks for reading my sad post!

Cyn xxx

Cyn xxx
 

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Im really pleased for you Cynthia, that you have at least proved to yourself it is possible, even if it was only for a short time. Keep trying, dont give up. I know how disappointing it is when you feel yourself slipping into dp/dr again, but don't lose faith. Try again. Its the first step on the ladder out of this mess!

Janine, Des, I totally understand what you say.

When ever I am about to go out into the real world and be compared, or see myself through the eyes of other people, I generally don't like what I see mirrored back, and retreat into introspection/self analysis, and at worst, dp.

I think this maybe a preoccupation with gaining affirmation from others, in order to feel self worth, as opposed to being able to give it to myself. As if maybe there is no self validation there, my 'self' is based on external stimuli, so I am unsure of what I am, let alone how to love it. I am slowly learning to just 'be', to accept myself for who I am, and more importantly, that what I perceive to be how others see me, is not actually the case, I am the one who has imposed the negative image on myself, not them. It's very difficult, its one 'symptom' I had not even noticed I had, it was just part of me, more ingrained than dp, and I find it very difficult to see past the superficial aspect of it eg diets, clothes etc. Sometimes I get so angry with myself. I dont get like it so much around men, mainly women, which is very telling...!

Cynthia, I didn't mean to take your post! Maybe you can relate to this, wanting to control how people see you? As I am learning about myself, I get more confidence in just 'being' and I don't get the panic attacks like before, I never thought it could be connected, but now totally see how it is. Anyway, at this stage I would do what you were doing, focus outwards!

Gx
 

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I think that DP is a social illness. Triggered by our psychological built-up.

If we were living on a small, isolated island somewhere in the Pacific where the burdens of modern life are unknown - damn, I think that we would be sane!

I think it is the social pressure we are trying to live up to (induced by our own personal history) - this pressure might be trauma envoked, might be a bad :twisted: mother or simply the ads telling us what our behaviour should be...and we tried to adjust...

However, we forgot who we (I & you) really are...

:cry:

So sad...
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I totally agree with you Des. I've got a severe case of being permanantly dissatisfied with my life and the world around me. Half of me couldn't assimilate, and the other half really didn't really want to.
 
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