Joined
·
9 Posts
Hi, this is my first post here.
Been on this forum a lot.
Because i have depersonalization for 5 years already. Weed-induced.
The period before taking the weed is crucial. In that period i was really insecure about my physical appearance. And I started to develop behavoir that is similar to Anorexia and eating disorders. Eating the bare minimum and working out alot. Basically exhausting myself. When I took the "spacecake" and smoked a joint one evening with a couple of friends, everything was still fine and quite liked the high i was experiencing.
But the next evening my new reality kicked; living hell. It felt like a hangover that didn't go over. Then the panic attack came and DPDR was a fact. Then i became very depressive.
This is all 5 years ago. In those years I made alot of progress. Last year I went back to school!
But at the moment I'm back in DP hell. It feels like I'm worse off than 5 years ago. Let me explain;
In the past 5 years I've been experimenting alot with recovery methods. Including supplements.
I really became obsessed with finding the right supplements that would cure all my symptoms. I think i overdid it. I was so convinced that the supplements would be the solution, that i couldn't stop taking them. So when one supplement wouldn't work i stopped taking that one and would immediately start taking something else.
My last supplement experiment fucked everything up. My intent was to only take 1 supplement. I erased all the other supplement out of my regime and wanted to start clean.
I hadn't tried Fish Oil. And I thought could test this safely because everyone takes fish oil right?
The first day I took the fish oil I was working on school. 1 hour after i took 2 capsules I started noticing weird electrical feelings on my forehead and also alot of pressure around my head. A weird tingling feeling. After those tingling I felt really exhausted and I quit school work.
I took a shower. When the water hit my head, the tingling came back. When I left the shower I felt a weird sense of calmness.
Then I went to my bedroom. There I started crying. All of a sudden I was very emotional. This felt really great.
The next I took the fish oil again. Because finally I felt like I had my emotions back. I was processing every that i couldn't process all those years.
But on the second day everything went wrong. I started to feel really uncomfortable in my own body. I also started experiencing a really weird emotional cyclus:
1. Old traumatic memory
2. Crying
3. Euphoria
4. Depression
This would repeat itself every 30 minutes.
After a while I also started having the urge to rock back and forward. I felt so overstimulated.
I also experienced alot of stomach cramps. I thought it would be smart to take magnesium to make the pain go away. But it only got worse. I started having inflammation in my stomach. A burning sensation. I think it is my pancreas.
When I stopped taking the fish oil capsules everything went to shit. The burning sensation around my pancreas didn't go away and I felt really thirsty and needed to pee every half hour.
The most fucked up thing about all this is the pressure around my head. It's exactly the same as 5 years ago. But even worse.
The first night after quitting the fish oil I woke up in the middle of the night and my vision was really blurry. Like my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I also noticed a Phantom odor; a rotting/metallic smell that has nothing to do with the environment I was in. Everytime i smelled this odor i felt pressure on my forehead. Could this be a sign of a stroke or a PNES attack?
The weird thing is that my Derealization is kind of gone. And my senses work better than before the fish oil.
But the DP has worsened. My short term memory is gone. I feel like a dog. I have no empathy left at all.
My goal now is to get a appointment with a neurologist. To get a EEG/MRI. But I don't really know what I should tell the doctor. I don't know what is the right thing to do right now.
I'm really desperate and my thoughts are only focussed on how to end my life. I don't want to live but I'm not going to kill myself. Seriously thinking about euthanisia.
If you have questions about my story, feel free to ask. I'm aware of the fact that my story isn't all that clear.
Love,
Sander
Been on this forum a lot.
Because i have depersonalization for 5 years already. Weed-induced.
The period before taking the weed is crucial. In that period i was really insecure about my physical appearance. And I started to develop behavoir that is similar to Anorexia and eating disorders. Eating the bare minimum and working out alot. Basically exhausting myself. When I took the "spacecake" and smoked a joint one evening with a couple of friends, everything was still fine and quite liked the high i was experiencing.
But the next evening my new reality kicked; living hell. It felt like a hangover that didn't go over. Then the panic attack came and DPDR was a fact. Then i became very depressive.
This is all 5 years ago. In those years I made alot of progress. Last year I went back to school!
But at the moment I'm back in DP hell. It feels like I'm worse off than 5 years ago. Let me explain;
In the past 5 years I've been experimenting alot with recovery methods. Including supplements.
I really became obsessed with finding the right supplements that would cure all my symptoms. I think i overdid it. I was so convinced that the supplements would be the solution, that i couldn't stop taking them. So when one supplement wouldn't work i stopped taking that one and would immediately start taking something else.
My last supplement experiment fucked everything up. My intent was to only take 1 supplement. I erased all the other supplement out of my regime and wanted to start clean.
I hadn't tried Fish Oil. And I thought could test this safely because everyone takes fish oil right?
The first day I took the fish oil I was working on school. 1 hour after i took 2 capsules I started noticing weird electrical feelings on my forehead and also alot of pressure around my head. A weird tingling feeling. After those tingling I felt really exhausted and I quit school work.
I took a shower. When the water hit my head, the tingling came back. When I left the shower I felt a weird sense of calmness.
Then I went to my bedroom. There I started crying. All of a sudden I was very emotional. This felt really great.
The next I took the fish oil again. Because finally I felt like I had my emotions back. I was processing every that i couldn't process all those years.
But on the second day everything went wrong. I started to feel really uncomfortable in my own body. I also started experiencing a really weird emotional cyclus:
1. Old traumatic memory
2. Crying
3. Euphoria
4. Depression
This would repeat itself every 30 minutes.
After a while I also started having the urge to rock back and forward. I felt so overstimulated.
I also experienced alot of stomach cramps. I thought it would be smart to take magnesium to make the pain go away. But it only got worse. I started having inflammation in my stomach. A burning sensation. I think it is my pancreas.
When I stopped taking the fish oil capsules everything went to shit. The burning sensation around my pancreas didn't go away and I felt really thirsty and needed to pee every half hour.
The most fucked up thing about all this is the pressure around my head. It's exactly the same as 5 years ago. But even worse.
The first night after quitting the fish oil I woke up in the middle of the night and my vision was really blurry. Like my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I also noticed a Phantom odor; a rotting/metallic smell that has nothing to do with the environment I was in. Everytime i smelled this odor i felt pressure on my forehead. Could this be a sign of a stroke or a PNES attack?
The weird thing is that my Derealization is kind of gone. And my senses work better than before the fish oil.
But the DP has worsened. My short term memory is gone. I feel like a dog. I have no empathy left at all.
My goal now is to get a appointment with a neurologist. To get a EEG/MRI. But I don't really know what I should tell the doctor. I don't know what is the right thing to do right now.
I'm really desperate and my thoughts are only focussed on how to end my life. I don't want to live but I'm not going to kill myself. Seriously thinking about euthanisia.
If you have questions about my story, feel free to ask. I'm aware of the fact that my story isn't all that clear.
Love,
Sander
