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Hi everyone, I hope you're all well & on the road to recovery.

So I have decided to take the plunge and go and see my Dr and try and explain what on earth is happening (explaining the symptoms of depersonalization) - it's so hard to explain!

So I have taken some time out to sit down and try and make some kind of understanding of this and put pen to paper. These are my symptoms. Does anyone else have these same symptoms?! Would love to hear from you. Feeling very alone right now and starting to feel like I am or have gone slightly nuts.

My worst symptom is feeling estranged/strange to my surroundings.

I can't even understand it myself, never mind explain it to a Dr - I feel like sometimes I am THAT estranged to my home I actually feel like I forget where I am and I go to fly into a panic because for a split second I literally have no fucking idea where the hell I am. I fly into a panic and then I get some feeling of knowing where I am. My house looks and feels strange like I literally don't know how it use to feel before depersonalization set in! Everything is so alien and foreign to me. I have heard this is common with depersonalization, anyone else have this symptom?

Constant intrusive thoughts about everything and anything. Some thoughts are that bad they scare the shit out of me, I feel like I am in my head screaming at me - does this even make sense? I don't reconsise the voice in my head, like I know it's me but I am so estranged and alien to the sound of my own voice/thoughts.

Watching my body. I do alot of writing and I find I watch myself write and I swere it literally feels like I am watching someone else's hand write!!!! It's crazy, like obviously I know that it's me but I swere it is literally like wathing someone else. I can literally feel the disconnection right in front of me.

I feel like I don't know how I am controlling my body but I just know how to do it, I guess you could call it robotic, automatic, autopilot? Like I am typing this and I don't know how my mind knows how to type because I feel like I am not thinking about where the letters are the keyboard I just know by memory????

All my memory's feel like dreams, like did I really live the life that I have memory of? I feel like I have the memory's of someone else, like when I think back I feel like Sharon back then is someone else, but not the Sharon I am right now here typing this. Like there is 2 of me???

I honestly think my Dr is just going to laugh at me when I tell her. I literally don't even know how to even word this without sounding like I have lost the plot and apart of me is worried that's what they're going to think hence why I have avoided going the Dr's at all costs.
 

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Sharon22, two suggestions:

1) Diagnostically, Dissociative disorders fall roughly along a spectrum that relates to the number of core symptoms and their severity. By core symptoms I mean the five symptoms of Amnesia, DP, DR, identity confusion, identity alteration. Typically, those with DID exhibit all five at moderate or severe levels. If you've only been investigated for DP/DR, then evaluation for the other three (Amnesia, identity confusion, identity alteration) is the way forward to determine whether or not your DP is part of a greater constellation of dissociative symptoms.

See the web page: http://strangerinthemirror.com/dissociative.html

And possibly read the book referenced there: "The Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the hidden epidemic" The book may help you relate your symptoms to the dr.

2) Seeing how you are in England, you might want to consider sitting for a diagnostic interview conducted by Remy Aquarone, as he would be able to characterize the nature of your dissociative processes.

See Pottergate Center for Dissociation and Trauma:

https://dissociation.co.uk/
 

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It's annoying insn't it?
The fact that somehow evolution deemed it necessary to devise such a counterintuitive measure of protection within our brains.

The irony is that this 'protection' is only good for a few seconds -- a few minutes the most.

Anything beyond that, the mind cant keep up with the brain.

Our minds are asking for it to stop meanwhile the brain is hard at work resisting.

I suspect hormones and cns pns disorder as well as some hpa axis dysregulation.

Add in there serotonin/dopamine as well.
 
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