[peacedove]

Last week my sisters, their fiancees, and I had a little drinking get-together.

The conversation somehow got to drugs we have tried etc... someone said weed was virtually harmless. I started talking about how it could cause depersonalization and how horrible DP is and I know for a fact cuz I've had it for years but didn't get it from drugs... blah, blah, blah.

I don't really remember everyone's reaction. I remember a lot of silence. Damn, why do I have to spill my guts whenever I get wasted.
I think I may have told them about this site. I've been debating whether or not to delete my picture. I don't want them to see me and then read all my posts. But then I realized I'd have to delete my avatar too cuz they'd recognize my dog. It took me forever to get a pic of one of my pets up here. And there's something sort of calming about having my pic up here. Don't know what it is really.

Well I figure everyone thinks I'm pretty nuts by now so I sorta let go on my christmas list... we all do that cuz we don't like guessing what each other wants. Well on mine I put the movie Tarnation, the books by Janine Baker, another book Dreamer recommended to me and one Sojourner recommended. So yeah... some of those titles... and if they read the backs if they get them...

Whatever I'm not making sense. Don't know the point of this post sorry.

 

[bright23]

I can really relate to your desire to have family members "understand" what it is you're going through. The big hurdle with DP/DR is, if someone has never experienced it, there's no way they can possibly relate to the experience at all. Don't put too high of an expectation on them to finally understand, and "get you." Like many of us here you're likely to be disappointed.

If you force the issue too much, like Christmas presents you mentioned, they'll possibly recoil from incomprehension and concern over you. Remeber its Christmas, get them something they would want, not what you would want, i.e. understanding, acceptance of you. Their acceptance is already there, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting around drinking with them.

I wanted EVERYONE I got close to to understand. With a few exceptions, most just sat silently while I ranted. It was impossible for me to have a girlfriend for years because of this insistant barrier I put up. And it is a barrier, though that's not how we initially perceice it.

 

[Monkeydust]

If they read that post they'd probably guess it was you anyway, so it doesn't matter. Good work getting it out in the open though. Hpefully you'll find it helps in the long run.

 

[widescreened]

well done!you are now less an actor and more a human.im sure youre family will love you even more for your honesty.i made the mistake of bluffing my recovery from depression to make my mum feel better,but she had her doubts for a long time that i was ok.bad thing to do for a desperate person.telling my family about my condition has made a difference.suffering in silence is a huge strain and utterly useless.recovery is almost impossible this way as you have trained yourself to lie for so long.we are here on earth for a reason.
use this new honesty as a new beginning.its not a sign of weakness,its a softening of the ego and an opening up the self.i saw your photo,you have a lot going for you!!

 

[Tom Servo]

Hey P.D.,

I think I sorta know how you feel. A couple of weeks ago, my step-mother?s niece, who has a brother who is bi-polar, had gone to see to see Tarnation. Figuring that she, of all people, would be somewhat understanding, I e-mailed her and asked whether her brother had ever described any of the DP symptoms the Jonathan Caouette had described. I then totally wussed out and said that I knew someone who had seen the movie and had described having the same problem. She wrote back saying no, that her brother was ?plain old bi-polar?, and that ?my friend? was obviously just plain nuts. She wasn?t trying to be funny.

I can?t begin to describe how awful I felt when I read that. My best friend was killed a few years ago; it was the same feeling. Had it been from anyone else, I?d have just been just annoyed and thought that they were shallow idiots, but this came from one of my favorite people, someone that I had adored for, like, 25 years. Now I?m somewhere between feeling nothing toward her either way to actually wishing that she?d get DP herself and see how it feels for saying something so cruel. I?ve never wished that upon anyone (except maybe Dick Cheney). We used to e-mail each other about 8 times a day; now I can?t think of much of anything to say to her. It?s really kind of depressing.

 

[peacedove]

Remeber its Christmas, get them something they would want, not what you would want

No I mean we write down what we want and then we exchange lists so we know what to get each other. And I put mental illness crap on mine. Oh well.

I deleted my pic so hopefully it's not too late. I know if they read the post they'd know, but I just don't want them looking at the pictures and going aha that's her name on here and then looking up my posts. Cuz I doubt they'd search for them any other way. Whatever I think too much.

Thanks for your replies. Widescreened... your new beginning view is interesting. It's hard for me to see this as a positive thing though. I mean they already knew I was crazy... panic attacks, psychiatrists, the mental hospital. Now they just know I'm crazier than they thought.

Figuring that she, of all people, would be somewhat understanding, I e-mailed her and asked whether her brother had ever described any of the DP symptoms the Jonathan Caouette had described

Maybe she got kinda defensive. Maybe she doesn't want to think of her brother as crazy... and the movie seemed crazy to her.

Thanks everyone for your support.

 

[Tom Servo]

Figuring that she, of all people, would be somewhat understanding, I e-mailed her and asked whether her brother had ever described any of the DP symptoms the Jonathan Caouette had described

Maybe she got kinda defensive. Maybe she doesn't want to think of her brother as crazy... and the movie seemed crazy to her.

You know what? You might have a point. I mean, she and her brother are, in some sense, my cousins (step-mother's niece/nephew I guess makes us step-cousins, if there is such a thing), so I'd be as quick to defend him as anyone. I mean, I've known him since he was 2. Still, he is her brother. Maybe this was a case of each of us hitting the other one's nerve. Still, the "just plain nuts" remark really bugs me. She could have defended her brother without attacking someone else.

 

[jft]

I have found telling people about our stuff is a real two edged sword. It helps us with integrity. It takes us out of the closet. It makes for some good open discussion and support with those we love.. But at the same time people look and deal with you different after the "outing". Some have no idea and never will understand and will treat you like an eggshell, Some are great. I think it is a necessary thing to do, but only with folks with alot of savy. The problem is when they tell others with no savy. This happened to me. I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I am sorry for th negativity here, but my experience was not good in the long run. but this is only my family and friends, not yours.
jft