[sebastian]

Is there anything more pathetic than a 31 year old man having yet another argument with his mother, with whom he lives, about how he has to get his life together and quit "drifting"?

The answer to this question, unsurprisingly, is no.

My psyche these days has adopted a hugely ambivalent character: One part of me views friends and family's successes covetously and with a maliciously jealous eye. I feel like the concert pianist with three fingers...the surgeon with parkinson's disease...or the public speaker with Turret's syndrome. I have this burgeoning rage at the fact that i feel so brilliant at times (i'm abandoning any sense of gratuitous modesty in this post, so bear with me), and yet i'm completely impotent in executing this brilliance. I feel so torn by this seemingly unattainable connection i have to make between who i am and who i want to be.

I feel so paralyzed by this damn dp. It's so ridiculous to be so imprisoned by something when it is really nothing at all. Anyway, i don't know, that's all.

s.

 

[Misty]

I agree, it's so anoying to be parilized by the DP. I feel like I can't get a job that will last because of it. My husband doesn't understand why I just don't go and get a part time job. I need something that even if I'm having an attack I can still get through. Working at the mall around a lot of people would just make it worse. But of course no one around me understands. My parents think I'm making it up for attention. My husband, who the hell knows what he thinks. I have no friends here in my state.

I know a person that is alot more pathetic then you think you are. My real mother. She is 40 years old and thinks she 17. She thinks the jobs she goes for is beneith her but yet she still applys for them, then lyes about having a masters in business. She never has a steady place to stay, right now she is living with her older sister. She always lyes (she doesn't mean to, but makes promises then never keeps them) and thinks everyone is out to get her. Even people she doesn't know. Now that is pathetic. Don't be to hard on yourself.

 

[Guest]

Sebastian.

For what it is worth, I like reading your posts because of the easy, subtle yet intriguing flow of your words. Have you considered becoming a writer?

 

[Guest]

Success is for wanks. I also feel like this prodigy child who has only enough motivation to survive and leaves nothing left for pursuing some career.

 

[sebastian]

I swear sometimes i think i'm the laughing stock of some great cosmic joke.

Tidal,

You flatter me so, and it is greatly appreciated. Alas, you unwittingly poured salt on an old dp wound. I adore writing and am actually working on a book. But it is this dastardly vocation which precipitated this particular bout of dp...the reasons for which are far too psychotic to be rehashing tonight.

Misty,

thanks for the empathy.

s.

 

[Guest]

I've read and heard people say that DP/DR sufferers are all generally very intelligent people. Many might consider our possible predisposition of awareness and analyzation as the source of this intelligence. Once again, i've found the solution to this madness: Stop thinking. I've said it before, and i've found this conclusion many times. Lobotomies!

 

[sebastian]

Okay kids, who wants a lobotomy?

I do! I do!

 

[Guest]

Sebastian not being as talented as your good self :wink: I'll settle for being normal.
I don't care how terribly ordinary I am,I just want to be normal,always have but never have been

Shelly

 

[sleepingbeauty]

alas is damn right.

if i could only make my grand schemes materialize into the physical world. i hate what i am. cause im not the person i see in my minds eye. you literally are the only people that know the real me. the me i want everyone to see. for some reason.. i cant SAY what you are reading on the screen. i cant verbalize my ideas and my flow is horrible. i sound like a mix between ozzy and anna nicole. but that doesnt even compare to my physical reality. cause i see myself as this amazing force to be reckoned with. but the reality is im the crazy woman in the produce section that cant figure out for the life of her what she wants cause theres so much there.. so she just zones out for an hour on this fruit and vegetable acid trip in her oversized smelly t shirt and sweats looking like a complete retard. i know cause that just happened tonight.

when i try to build a castle.. i end up with a cardboard box.

when i try to get my act together.. i just end up making more of a mess.

i cried the whole way home from the grocery store. i just feel so pathetic.

i wish i knew how to make them understand.

 

[Guest]

I agree, it's so anoying to be parilized by the DP. I feel like I can't get a job that will last because of it. My husband doesn't understand why I just don't go and get a part time job. I need something that even if I'm having an attack I can still get through. Working at the mall around a lot of people would just make it worse. But of course no one around me understands. My parents think I'm making it up for attention. My husband, who the hell knows what he thinks. I have no friends here in my state.

I know a person that is alot more pathetic then you think you are. My real mother. She is 40 years old and thinks she 17. She thinks the jobs she goes for is beneith her but yet she still applys for them, then lyes about having a masters in business. She never has a steady place to stay, right now she is living with her older sister. She always lyes (she doesn't mean to, but makes promises then never keeps them) and thinks everyone is out to get her. Even people she doesn't know. Now that is pathetic. Don't be to hard on yourself.

That's Psychosis. Your Mum sounds a little "off" with the fairies..

Have you thought about going to the local hospital and asking about "cleaning" work, or ward work?
Or a flower shop? Or is there just the mall?
Is there an employment classifieds? I think you'd be a good receptionist, or...
Hmm. Something "seated", or like a cleaner or something.
I'm not talking down to you, I'm thinking about jobs that dont have "people" and high stress involved. Is there a Vet or something where you can be a receptionist or something? I think "customer service" and busy areas and "on your feet all day" work might be stressing you even in "thinking" about it. I think you need a "seated" type job.
There's lots of different types, but I think your home worries have put an anchor around your neck.

 

[Guest]

Success is for wanks. I also feel like this prodigy child who has only enough motivation to survive and leaves nothing left for pursuing some career.

I'm a God.. I was meant to save the world.. but now, y'know I'm a stupid retard.

I'm a genius. I'm a scorceress. I'm "connected" to God. I was meant to save people.
I also suck. real real bad

I'm the most SPECIAL person in the world.. but I cant cope, damn.