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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I haven’t posted anything in awhile but I’m sadly back. I was wondering if anyone experienced blank mind to the extent that it was like tabula rasa and the world was completely brand new and ideas had to be formed by reading other people’s ideas, novels, works, media. It’s like my memories flooded into me but they didn’t feel like mine because I was this new being.....overtime I’ve clutched tightly onto the memories because without them I was nothing, no self at all, no originality. I woke up as a baby in a 16 year old body with memories of being that infant. I’ve found no one else who’s experienced this particular event and I still hope that there’s someone out there who has, because my existence feels very very isolating and miserable. ????
 

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Sorry for your pain. My memories are gone I have blank mind with no sense of self neither self of time. With no break it's been constant for months. It's very frustrating I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you. I’m sorry for how you’re suffering too. I have my memories but no self...only a self I constructed from reading books and observing others after the split. I wish my former self/the host of my body was around but it’s been 10 years and no sign of her.
 

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This is such a horrible condition to live with. Just know you are very strong to make it this far. I hope you recover I wish I had the answer. Sometimes it's even hard to have the words to write things down. But I am here if you ever need to talk. ????
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
It’s very hard....I have like no personality and I remember that I used to have one. I used to have my own mind and thoughts, words and gestures. I don’t feel strong. Thank you for the offer. I might have to pm you <3
 

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I haven't posted anything in awhile but I'm sadly back. I was wondering if anyone experienced blank mind to the extent that it was like tabula rasa and the world was completely brand new and ideas had to be formed by reading other people's ideas, novels, works, media. It's like my memories flooded into me but they didn't feel like mine because I was this new being.....overtime I've clutched tightly onto the memories because without them I was nothing, no self at all, no originality. I woke up as a baby in a 16 year old body with memories of being that infant. I've found no one else who's experienced this particular event and I still hope that there's someone out there who has, because my existence feels very very isolating and miserable.
Ive seen various people go through this form of DP over the years...Your definitely not the only one...Its actually possibly a form of PTSD or even CPTSD...Just know your not alone in feeling this way...Many others have been through the exact same thing and then improved...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I’ve been going through this for 10 years and knowledge I should have I still don’t. It’s like I was/am a new being and built a person out of books and observations, not living. It kills me. I’ve been unemployed pretty much since June...luckily I live with my parents and they don’t charge me rent. I just feel like a fake and like I can barely function, and a bit suicidal. I’m glad that some people suffering through this hell have improved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I have no personality. I remember the girl before all this was funny, adventurous and smart. I can only find her in my memories.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
It’s like I woke up with memories of another person in this preset body I haven’t lived in with no knowledge of how to interact and speak in it. That was/is my life
 

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Have you gotten it checked out? Sounds like you have repressed memories and emotions. At first for me i forgot what normal was like for a week But when i was dp’d, my memory never went away, i was always brought up back how i got in that mess and the good times. Like everytime i was in my thoughts and mind, constantly memories would pop up and it. Try letting out some feelings, look at old photos andvideos to see if you can feel what you felt like then
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Well I’m going to get a psych evaluation soon hopefully to figure out what exactly this is and to get a diagnosis. I’m really tempted to get an MRI because my experience seems so abnormal that there has to be something off with my brain. I’m not experiencing any feelings right now except annoyance and frustration. My mind feels completely blank and numb, cognitively. I’ve been taking this new med, geodon, for a month now and I feel like all of my emotions are missing. I’ve been suicidal for a month and a half so I suppose it’s better that I’m on a med than nothing at all. I have reconnected to some of my old emotions and memories but I feel like it still hasn’t helped myself come back. There’s a large chunk of who I was pre-dissociative episode still gone.....there’s this quiet that’s been in my mind for a long time and I wish I had my voice back.
 

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OMG I'm experiencing the exact same symptoms. I feel like I'm somehow a completely new being, suddenly dropped on alien planet where every fucking single thing is so unfamiliar. I can think of memories pre this dpdr episode but it just feels as if it wasn't me, like I was completely another person but somehow with our memories joint together. This super sucks. Will I ever get out of this???
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing. For me, I’ve just learned to live with it. The memories have felt more like mine the longer it was since my episode but they still don’t feel entirely like mine. I decided to take possession of them though, because I didn’t know what other choice I had, if that makes sense. I felt like I was new to everything, language, people, the world. I personally still don’t feel like a whole person, just someone living on for the person whose memories I had. It’s awful isn’t it?
 

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I have almost total memory Loss when severe dpdr but when it gets better they come Back and reorganize. Right now memories and personality gone again now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Sorry to hear it. I’m trying to remember if there was a time when my memories were gone and I was just existing and then they came back but at that point I was this baby consciousness...I can’t remember exactly how it happened because it was so long ago. I just know that who I was before died.
 
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