Feeling suicidal and hopeless

3610 Views 21 Replies 11 Participants Last post by dope, Jan 19, 2017

dreamedm

Discussion Starter · Dec 29, 2016

My mind is blank, silent all the time, I feel like I have no "self," no inner monologue, and all I can feel is either a constant void/emptiness or sheer constant terror because of this. I wake up and feel nothing at all, no sense of time, just nothing. I can't enjoy anything, everything seems pointless, and I just lay here in bed as time passes.

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mezona

· #2 · Dec 29, 2016 (Edited by Moderator)

I am so sorry you're feeling like this. I understand unfortunately as I am "feeling" exactly the same. I can't believe it has been going on for so long and I just have no idea who I am

... Just a body, a vegetable

Reactions: 2

mezona

· #3 · Dec 29, 2016

But it's like I don't even feel guilty or ashamed by it... I just sort of acknowledge that. I would be beyond ashamed of the "person" I had become! But I am just not even here to feel anything about this... So how am I suppose to change anything???

Reactions: 3

CoffeeGirl9

· #4 · Jan 15, 2017

mezona said:
But it's like I don't even feel guilty or ashamed by it... I just sort of acknowledge that. I would be beyond ashamed of the "person" I had become! But I am just not even here to feel anything about this... So how am I suppose to change anything???

Exactly!!! How can we do anything if we aren't there??? How can we fight??? Seriously I just want to die already. This is the slowest death known to man

dreamedm

Discussion Starter · #5 · Jan 15, 2017

A slow death...that is exactly how it feels. However, I try to maintain some hope since people have/do recover from this. Most of the time though I just crumble and despair. We need to try and stay strong and hang in there, as difficult as it is, and hope we can one day (the sooner, the better) recover.

Pondererer

· #6 · Jan 16, 2017

mezona said:
But it's like I don't even feel guilty or ashamed by it... I just sort of acknowledge that. I would be beyond ashamed of the "person" I had become! But I am just not even here to feel anything about this... So how am I suppose to change anything???

So brutal, yet so true..How long have you had it Mezona?

EmmaBo

· #7 · Jan 16, 2017

dreamedm said:
A slow death...that is exactly how it feels.

That is exactly how it feels, yes, but that is not what it IS. Feelings lie.

Reactions: 2

mezona

· #8 · Jan 16, 2017

Pondererer, almost 2 years

... It's like somebody just took my personality and threw it away... I am almost always uncomfortable yet not here... It's so weird, I feel panicky and empty at the same time... Almost no memory, no internal monologue, no sense of time... I could go on and on... :/... How about you?

Reactions: 1

dope

· #9 · Jan 16, 2017

Come on guys, that's not the spirit!
Listen, I know it's hard. I also have a very hard time, but we can't just act like this! If we stay depressed all day, sad all day, how in the hell are we ever going to recover?
Remember guys, if you don't want to help yourself nobody will do it for you.

Reactions: 4

Ningen

· #10 · Jan 16, 2017

3

dope said:
Come on guys, that's not the spirit!

No, it's not.

dope said:
Listen, I know it's hard. I also have a very hard time, but we can't just act like this! If we stay depressed all day, sad all day, how in the hell are we ever going to recover?

I don't know.

dope said:
Remember guys, if you don't want to help yourself nobody will do it for you.

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dreamedm

Discussion Starter · #11 · Jan 16, 2017 (Edited by Moderator)

dope is right, even though he doesn't (fortunately) understand how difficult and devastating blank mind dp is.

Reactions: 1

Pondererer

· #12 · Jan 17, 2017

mezona said:
Pondererer, almost 2 years ... It's like somebody just took my personality and threw it away... I am almost always uncomfortable yet not here... It's so weird, I feel panicky and empty at the same time... Almost no memory, no internal monologue, no sense of time... I could go on and on... :/... How about you?

My whole goddamn life...i'm actually recovering tho. Starting to clean up my life along with taking meds has helped. Also i found this site less than a year ago. So that's the amount of time i've ACTUALLY known what it is. Knowing is half the battle

Reactions: 2

CoffeeGirl9

· #13 · Jan 17, 2017

dope said:
Come on guys, that's not the spirit!
Listen, I know it's hard. I also have a very hard time, but we can't just act like this! If we stay depressed all day, sad all day, how in the hell are we ever going to recover?
Remember guys, if you don't want to help yourself nobody will do it for you.

Hey Dope I don't know about everyone else, but I have a very "normal" life despite this awful thing. But I am here to tell you that it's still hell. I can't go do ALL the things I want. When you are detached you (I) have to figure out where you (I) are all the time. Most days I "forget" to speak. I wouldn't call what I do sitting around being depressed. It's more sitting around not being there. I feel gone. Yes FEEL. Regardless of if feelings are truth, these feelings are very real and very strong. To not feel like you have a head or body and a mind is quite intense. This isn't a matter of being depressed. It's far more serious then that in my opinion. I would never allow myself to just sit around and be depressed. DP destroys me functionally most days. The ability to think, or reason, or engage. Kind of a big deal in this life. Yet I still get myself to work, go to the gym, grocery shop, pay my bills etc. all while not being there!!!!!

Reactions: 1

Marinkawr

· #14 · Jan 17, 2017

Guys, to my mind when i was at that stage when you don't feel your body it's nearly impossible to function, at least it's not a life, it is desperate imitation of it. Since i'm on my meds it brought my body back, but then great depression came and still ruining my life, my vision noticeably better, nearly normal, but still not the same picture as it used to be, i can say that med got me out of it a lot, but i'm battling this dp thing every day in a way of doing my routine, though i still feel suicidal most of the time and don't see any aim in life, just living it. I'm making small achievements, like i've started to learn theory for driving license test and exercising, don't forget that i have a husband and 5 years old son, so i have other responsibilities. I feel so sorry for each of you who couldn't make it a bit out with the meds, cause i do remember how horrible it is. The only thing is that meds show that it is reversible. Another thing is that i didn't want to exercise at all, no interest in anything, but when i started it made me feel more alive and more interested in what i'm doing. I hope i will make myself pass an exam and start drawing as i used to. Maybe it will bring me some joy. If you are not planning to die, push yourself to do little things. It might not heal you but will help to live you through the day, staying in bed makes it even more depressive. By the way i overcame the absence of personality myself, i was asking myself every second -who am i who am i, and then one evening i stopped, and i stopped coming back to this question and slowly i came to the point, when i started to feel myself as myself with no questions.

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Reactions: 1

Hedgehog fuzz

· #15 · Jan 18, 2017

im total hell today.

RedSky

· #16 · Jan 18, 2017

dope said:
Come on guys, that's not the spirit!
Listen, I know it's hard. I also have a very hard time, but we can't just act like this! If we stay depressed all day, sad all day, how in the hell are we ever going to recover?
Remember guys, if you don't want to help yourself nobody will do it for you.

^ This

It is so hard but I have to pull myself out of depression states all the time, it is a lot easier to just lay in bed and let it take over you... It took me a long time to want to help my self but it does start with you! some times though in order to get out of being sad I need to dive into it (if that makes sense) like watch a sad movie or listen to a meaningful song and cry my eyes out, but after crying I will start to feel better. I am also a sufferer of DP/DR for almost 10 years now but it can get easier!!

Reactions: 1

dope

· #17 · Jan 18, 2017

dreamedm said:
dope is right, even though he doesn't (fortunately) understand how difficult and devastating blank mind dp is.

Hi!

Her

No, I don't but that doesn't mean I'm not having a bad time.

mind.divided

· #18 · Jan 18, 2017 (Edited by Moderator)

dope said:
Come on guys, that's not the spirit!
Listen, I know it's hard. I also have a very hard time, but we can't just act like this! If we stay depressed all day, sad all day, how in the hell are we ever going to recover?
Remember guys, if you don't want to help yourself nobody will do it for you.

I must agree. It's much harder, if not impossible, to recover with a negative state of mind. You must try to focus positively and have hope for the future even if it feels like hell right now, then you will slowly but surly recover bit by bit everyday. The stress you put on yourself is limiting you from recovery and that's the truth.

Reactions: 1

dope

· #19 · Jan 18, 2017

CoffeeGirl9 said:
Hey Dope I don't know about everyone else, but I have a very "normal" life despite this awful thing. But I am here to tell you that it's still hell. I can't go do ALL the things I want. When you are detached you (I) have to figure out where you (I) are all the time. Most days I "forget" to speak. I wouldn't call what I do sitting around being depressed. It's more sitting around not being there. I feel gone. Yes FEEL. Regardless of if feelings are truth, these feelings are very real and very strong. To not feel like you have a head or body and a mind is quite intense. This isn't a matter of being depressed. It's far more serious then that in my opinion. I would never allow myself to just sit around and be depressed. DP destroys me functionally most days. The ability to think, or reason, or engage. Kind of a big deal in this life. Yet I still get myself to work, go to the gym, grocery shop, pay my bills etc. all while not being there!!!!!

You don't allow yourself to be that way, but most people do.
Also, DP is a defense mechanism, so yes, it does come from anxiety and/or depression.

dope

· #20 · Jan 18, 2017

mind.divided said:
I must agree. It's much harder, if not impossible, to recover with a negative state of mind. You must try to focus positively and have hope for the future even if it feels like hell right now, then you will slowly but surly recover bit by bit everyday. The stress you put on yourself is limiting you from recovery and that's the truth.

Someone who sees my point of view! Thank you.

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