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Okay. So I'm not new here. You'd think after a while you'd get used to being depersonalized, but I guess not. It still freaks me out when I can't think or focus. Especially when you're in med school and up to your ass in homework.

I wasn't looking to post anything but I feel so bad I've got to say something.

I don't wanna feed people a sob story. Christmas is always the loneliest time of year for me. All of my social problems, my lack of interaction and anxiety are exacerbated by this togetherness. All this cheerfulness makes me depressed. Plus my boyfriend left me. (I would be upset but I knew it'd never work out) It was what he told me that made me so upset. He said he couldn't take it. All the worry my condition was causing him. I had posted something on facebook suggesting suicide. And that was it. After a year and a half. He called me and told me we were through. I was so hurt I told him that I hated him and I wish we'd never met. Had I known this would be the case I would've never gone out with him.

Idk. I just hate DP so much. It's taken everything from me. I had a car, was going to school, had a bunch of friends. Now I'm stuck in my Grandparent's house just trying to stay sane and not cross that line. I feel like this is a losing battle. No matter what I do there is no help for me. I talked to my new psyche the other day and had to explain to him what this was. What the fuck do they teach these people? It's in the frickin' DSM for crying out loud! I could tell him it makes your anus fall off and he'd would've been inclined to believe me.

I just recieved suboxone the other day for my Oxycodone withdrawals. And yes, I see the delicious irony in a neurochemistry major having a drug problem. But that life is behind me and I want it to stay in the past. Alright? I started self-medicating because of the DP. Because I would rather be physically numb than emotionally numb. And no drug they gave me seemed strong enough to treat it. I was excited about receiving the suboxone because I know it's one of the best treatments for DP, along with Lamictal and Clomipramine for NMDA regulation which I'm already on. But as excited as I was I'm afraid to take it. I'm afraid to try it because I'm scared that it might be my last hope and what if it doesn't work?

Now to be 100% clear. I am not suggesting abusing the suboxone clinic for DP relief. But maybe it can kill two birds with one stone. Especially since my addiction is tied to my mental health.

A user who used to be on here by the name of Spectre, posted that he had taken 2 weeks worth of suboxone and it cured his DP.....for a while. A couple weeks later it came back.

Now what that article fails to mention is whether he took that all at once or whether he actually took it for two weeks. Because of it's MU Agonistic properties it has a tendency to be addictive. That's why I'd warn people before they try to do something that stupid. But at this point... Well, I'm thinking about it.

I know this is kind of a rambling post. The thing is is that I have a lot of random questions I'm wanting answered and can't really come up with a topic which conveys all of those questions. So I'm like. Fuck it I'm just going to ask anyway. What have y'all done that's been really helpful for your DP? I'm doing CBT. I exercise everyday. I try to read even though it's ungodly hard to concentrate. And I feel like my reward for doing these things is squat. I'm still having trouble. I still dissociate. It keeps me busy and yeah I feel a bit better, but everytime I get a little bit ahead something happens and it's back to square one. The best way I know to describe it is being stuck in a big black pit and try to climb towards the gleaming ray of light. You get a little bit closer, a little bit closer. Then your foot slips and you come crashing back down to reality.

This year, for Christmas. For this New Year. All I want to do is get better. And to everyone out there suffering with this I completely understand. It's bullshit. And the medical community's ignorance? That's BS too. I wanna help heal people but how can I when I can't heal myself?
 
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I'm with ya man, holidays make me depressed because I see people my age out there enjoying life, having fun, and i'm barely able to function sometimes. I guess the best advice I can give is to keep fighting through it, it's cliche and it sucks right now to hear but that's the best i've got, and to be honest, I really do believe it does get better.
 

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I have depersonalization from several drug experiences, then I used to medicate my depersonalization with more drugs and alcohol and had a real problem with addiction. I've been in recovery for over a year now (completely sober) and honestly it helps me SOOO much more to feel like a person (although i can relate, I honestly don't feel like a person most of the time - but I feel a little better since being sober for a while - although at first when I quit drugs it got MUCH worse). If you're struggling with addiction get into a 12 step group or rational recovery to help you stay sober. like i said, it gets much worse at first. then a lot better.

I'm really pissed that i've been in therapy and been seeing doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me for over a year and i JUST NOW had someone diagnose me with depersonalization. what the actual fuck.

I have been suicidal too. i just want this feeling of living in a bubble to go away.
 

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I took suboxone for three years, I got off of it about 8 months ago. I dont think it's worth taking it, it didn't cure my dp or even help it really. It' great at first, you can get high as a kite and this phase lasts about a week, after that it gives you a slight numbness for the first hour then you just feel lethargic all day long. It gives you the worst kind of constipation you can think of. Real bad. I take meds but I also self medicate with an herb called kratom, you've probably heard of it, or even tried it. Look it up on wikipedia, it helps me get through the day, it makes me feel more focused and I get more done at work. It does cause slight constipation, and you can get addicted. The withdrawals are minimal and you can't overdose on it (that i've heard of). I would recommend it to those with depersonalizatoin who are already on a steady dose of medication and who aren't having constant panic attacks. If you are interested I can give good resources to buy it online (and what to buy and stay away from), just pm me. I'm telling you though, stay away from suboxone.

I'm just telling you what has helped me, it may not help you at all, but it may be worth a shot.
 
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