[Abe89]

Note: This post might be depressing so those who are sensitive (or people new to this forum) may want to skip it.

I am a long term sufferer of depersonalization (since 2005). I recently understood I have autism as well.
My DP started when I was in school. I assume it was because I was trying very hard to adapt to that environment and act like everyone else.

I experienced a decline in my social skills recently. This is sometimes called an autistic burnout.

This decline generates a lot of fear. The fear my autism will be more visible to people than before.

And that people won't take me seriously anymore.

This fear and anxiety makes me feel like I don't know what I am anymore. I feel like I am close to having a nervous breakdown.

I feel like I don't have the strength to pretend that I don't have a mental illness.

I want to breakdown and cry in front of everyone and beg them to help me.

It's kind of like I'm losing my connection to other people and the world...and like they don't exist...and I don't exist.

This feeling is worst after dark.

The consequence of feeling this way is I feel more depressed and I have even less motivation than before to talk and engage with people.

I think my derealization has become worse. Because I feel more out-of-sync with the world.
Depersonalization is also the worst I've known. I kind of feel like I'm not attached to my physical body.

Since it's more practical to go on like before I will do that. But I hope this dreadful feeling will pass soon and I will feel more stable.

Has anyone experienced intense periods of DP/DR like this (doesn't have to be related to autism)? How long do they last?

 

[AnnaGiulia]

Hey Abe, I do not have exactly an advice for you, but I have been following a lot of vloggers who talk about their experience with autism recently, and most of them also share their experience with burnout. As you have been coping with DP for a long time, and only recently realized you have autism, perhaps you need to look more into that, and take advice from other people who may have a situation similar to yours.

Also, perhaps you do not need to hide how you feel all the time. I don't mean you should go around and tell everyone that you suffer when you feel that way, as there are always people who may not understand, but if you have friends who may be understanding about it, it may be a relief not to have to pretend that you are fine all the time.

I actually believe it can get a lot better for you, once you learn what are those social situations or stimuli that make you particularly exhausted, and that eventually lead to burnout.

Take care,

A.

 

[Abe89]

I actually believe it can get a lot better for you, once you learn what are those social situations or stimuli that make you particularly exhausted, and that eventually lead to burnout.

Take care,

A.

Thank you Anna. I appreciate it.

I have told a friend about my autism and they've been very supportive.

 

[Abe89]

bump

 

[Grindelwald]

I have an autistic cousin who's in his teens now and can barely talk. You're not alone at all.

 

[Abe89]

I have an autistic cousin who's in his teens now and can barely talk. You're not alone at all.

Thanks for reply. I really appreciate it.

I'm feeling a little better than when I wrote the this post.

I found some new work. So focusing on that really keeps me motivated.

 

[ceecee]

Hi Abe,

I have little to no experience with autism and especially not in correlation to depersonalization but i can only imagine how difficult it must be to discover it now. I am however very familiar with being on the verge of a mental breakdown and feeling like you're about to burst and i advice you to let it happen if you are able. whatever it is you are feeling, let it out. scream, cry, yell whatever it is. don't keep all that pressure inside. it will help you connect with yourself and temporarily relieve you from the tension building up inside. and if there's someone you feel comfortable confiding in, you should definitely do so. mental illness often comes with a lot of shame and frustration and part of going towards recovery is acceptance. this is who you are and where you are at right now and that is okay. it's horrible and frustrating and sometimes insufferable but it's okay and it will not be forever. at the moment i'm going through a pretty bad bout of dp myself and my body feels physically numb and strange with every movement. i try to connect with myself by going for a walk, taking care of my plants, watching shows and movies i really enjoyed as a kid as a way for me to become familiar with my life before dp. it's different for everyone and ups and downs come without warning but if you find things that help you connect and cope, over time you will learn to manage it better.

i hope this can be of help to you. stay safe.

 

[Abe89]

i hope this can be of help to you. stay safe.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It is helpful and I appreciate it.

I have a friend with whom I can talk about some things related to autism. But mental illness is a too taboo topic to talk about.

I was really happy to learn that in many countries there are support groups for people suffering from conditions such as schizophrenia and psychosis.

Where I live we don't have that many healthcare facilities for mental illness.

So it isn't surprising that someone suffering from an illness would not want to seek help.

And honestly if I seek for help and end up in the national mental hospital (we only have one hospital) it would be a worse fate for me than the one I have now.

I hope you are feeling well.
Take care and take it easy.

- Abe