[jake]

I'm in a place 2day where connecting with others feels very important. I'd call it needy I guess for lack of a better word. I notice how many young people (anybody under 49 since that's my age, but thinking more like late teens thru twenties) are on here and bravely trying to find answers. I'm afraid I feel I am s'posed to know more or help more rather than telling my stories and questions. I feel like I am not giving alot of hope to people since I had this stuff in my early 20's and maybe b-4, and here i am, still struggling.

I feel a certain responsibility to offer hope on things I DO have hope on, and I am always glad to do it. We all want to feel useful. But I don't want to cause discouragement, being almost 50 and haven't "solved" the DP, panic, or anxiety problem myself.

I know rationally I don't have that much power. I am feeling a bit like a pain in the ass at the moment and that I should know better, and stop talking. Can I get some feedback? How am I coming across on this board. I really will try to take in whatever if anything anybody says. If I'm just fitting in and no issues then I will accept that probably I am just having self centered fear. Thanks. It is not often I can ask for feedback straight out.
---jake

 

[Guest]

I thought you WERE a kid, lol...aren't my powers of psychoanalytic acuity impressive? LOL...honestly, for some reason I had the impression you were like 20 or so. Always nice to meet another middle aged person, grin

I think you come across FINE on this board. I certainly understand the doubts/worries, esp. when you're feeling needy and wanting to depend on us, etc. then of course the doubts and insecurities rear their heads and we think we SHOULDn'T allow ourselves to need anybody (even on a dam internet forum, lol)

Totally unfounded though. Keep posting and keep asking for reassurance if you need it. The only reason to NOT ask for reassurance is that it will never be enough. Each of us has to learn that eventually = the way we WANT to get well is not the way we CAN get well.

We want to be convinced. We want to be reasurred so well and so deep and so lasting that we feel totally safe within ourselves and can "take in" the other's words and be soothed forever. Well, ain't that a nice little dream? LOL

We can learn from others and use them as guides, even in therapy, the shrink is a guide. We must finally realize that we can't CHOOSE to live in Wonderland and then question why we feel so odd. We have to turn away from the things we have done so long that do not work!

Make any sense?

Take care,
Janine

 

[jake]

LOL..well u know what they say, you don't quit playing cuz u grow old, u grow old cuz u stop playing.
------
Thank u for reminding me how yes "even on a damn internet board" we all need assurance or re-assurance! It's reflective of how I don't ask in "real life" on just day to day connectedness--then I haven't a clue where to go when shit hits the fan emotionally. It's a Marathon not a Sprint--life is. And I need to stop for water and rest along the way. Thanks again!
--jake

 

[terri*]

Hi Jake,

I really haven't crossed paths with you, but after doing a quick perusal over some of your other post and being 1 year older than you, I can say I don't see any signs of "half-timers" from your age factor. So I thought I would add my humble opinion and write you seem to come across just fine to me...course I ain't exactly right myself, ya know? lol.

Sincerely,
terri

 

[gem]

jake, please believe me when I say this, you are not a pain in the --- at all. I thank you for your honesty. You are in the right place, coming here and being with others who suffer. It does not matter whether you have had this one moment or one year, the fact is that you have this horrible illness and that is not your fault. You are suffering and you need support. I have had this illness a long time also and there are days when I feel I have nothing to offer, but I do have something to offer and so do you. You have heart and you care about others who suffer. That my friend is truly precious. We cannot help it the illness has been there a long time. Never stop posting because you feel you are not helping. Your post tonight has helped you know why, it makes one realize that sometimes an illness, any illness can be there for a short time or a long time but the human being who suffers is always trying to reach out and help no matter how bad they feel. Keep posting you are important and someday we will be well.

gem.

 

[jake]

to gem: just read your reply and was in the midst of anger frustration and anxiety and so sick to death of it. Then I read yours and I got tears in my eyes when you said one day we will be well. I don't cry b/cuz of course that's a control thing, but I gotta say it really helped for a few minutes to feel the emotion in the moment. I say ithout doubt you have much to offer. Infact all 3 replies made me say outloud : "What nice people".
------------
terri you helped me too in your own style. Haa --and I thank you. It's good not all people are alike, everyone so special from where they've been. I only had a question: what is a halftimers? Is tha like oldtimers?

 

[terri*]

Jake, it is indeed a little 1/2 century take on "oldtimers". Certainly in no way making fun of the serious condition of Alzheimers. You're right, it's just me being me, trying to help take the edge off with a bit of humor that leans towards the silly side.

I have felt the feeling of really not wanting to share my lengthy bout with DR, second time round, because I thought it would be discouraging, as you said, to those that are just beginning to experience it. Gem had a lovely, as alway, reply that really addresses the fact that we all have this illness and we all suffer at times from it no matter the length of time we have had it.

I know it is true that this disorder can fade or that we can adjust ourselves to it, so in some form, we will in fact be well.

Oh yes...nice to meet you.
terri

 

[enigma]

Wow, I feel like a kid in this thread!

Jake, I know the feeling.

At 43, and having had this 24/7 since about sixteen years of age, I often feel like I should have some sage wisdom I should be able to share.

Yet, like all the youngsters here, I find I have only questions (even after all these years with it).

I've probably learned more about it in about the last five and a half months here than I have in all the time before, in fact.

Everyone who comes here, regardless of age, does so with questions (even the most prominent researchers in the field of dp/dr don't have any real answers as of yet, afterall).

I've sometimes wondered if they don't look at me kind of odd here sometimes and wonder why I don't have anything more constructive to offer, given my years.

So here's what to do: Just act like a big jerk-kid, and they'll always have to keep reminding themselves that you're in the same age bracket as their parents.

It's really helped me fit in around here.

e

 

[jake]

Thanks enigma! One Big Jerk Kid comin' up! heee

 

[Monkeydust]

I'm the opposite. I'm probably one of the youngest on this board but I post like a tired old man. I never know why. If you met me in real life you'd probably think I was a cheeky or immature. Perhaps it's because most of the books I read are boring and I've taken up that style.

Oh and Jake, post as much as you want and don't worry about feeling guilty. We all know how you feel at those bad times, and I'm pretty sure most of us - even the older ones - have posted for help here quite a few times. So no need to feel guilty.

 

[jake]

MonkeyDust, You don't sound to me like a tired old man, or one who reads boring books. I think I'm struck here with how introspective (blessing and curse) and opinionated some youger folks are. When I was your age,whatever that is..under 20? I was too ate up to have opinions though I was a "deep thinker". Also cheeky and immature, haa. You aren't one-dimensional that's for sure. You have lots to look forward to if you keep an open mind and especially an open heart.

 

[Sojourner]

Yer all jes a buncha yung whippersnappers! :twisted:

 

[Da'Burgh]

That's funny, because I think it was SillyPutty or Janine who said they thought I was at least like 35... sorry to burst anyone's bubble but I'm 19.. :lol:

 

[jake]

DaBurgh, I thought you were about 25-30. Somethin about that Steel Town, like everybody's a bit tougher..not sure. But also you seem to have had some xperiences that built up your self esteem. Not to downplay any suffering you have or had, it's jus a sense that you are a fighter and that it comes from some other time when you knew you were OK and by God you will be OK again. Did you have good beginnings in life? Don't mind me prying or getting all psychological. I do think it's interesting how we come across to ppl on a board huh?

 

[Da'Burgh]

DaBurgh, I thought you were about 25-30. Somethin about that Steel Town, like everybody's a bit tougher..not sure.

Because I'm 19 I can't be tough?

Did you have good beginnings in life?

Yeah, I can't complain too much. Things were hard at times, yes, but I don't believe that is the root of my DP/DR. All in all, no matter what the cause - we can recover.