Hi im 19 and since I was 17 ive been feeling symptoms of derealization. I feel like im stuck in a gaze. I feel so disconnected from my family. I feel like I dont belong there anymore. It scares the shit out of me because I dont want to waste my young years being disconected from everyone. When im around my old friends i dont really feel anything. I just feel fake. I dont even feel like im 19. I feel like im a 12 year old that dosent know anything. I feel so unaware of everything around me and am really stuborn all the time. Im angry and annoyed at everyone because it feels like im getting attacked from everywhere. I used to be the funny guy at school and had a lot of energy and creative and fun but now im just nothing. It feels like im fading away. It feels like im worthless and am nothing. I allways feel unmotivated and dont want to do anything. I have to force myself to do stuff like excersice and play sports. I used to love playing soccer but now i cant get over how bad I am. When I play I feel so awkward playing. Its like my coordination is gone. Everything feels like one big long day. Even with my cousins. I dont feel like I know them anymore and when im around them I feel so cold and unfriendly to them. Its not that im trying to be but idk how to relax or be ok idk. Im about to go to college next semester and Idk if i should because im not myself at all and feel like I will waste my time being cold and distant. Even when I drink I dont get happy or sad. Its like it dosent effect me at all. The only thing i feel is that I get dizzy when I drink (witch is not even often) and it dosent make me have fun or anything. I dont understand. Is there any hope? I saw some people on here say that it took them like 19 years to get over it and I just dont want that at all. Even with my brothers who i grew up with really close to i feel distant. I cant have fun with them and im just faking everything that I do because i dont want to do anything. Im scared that im not myself anymore and that im becoming a cold person.