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Feel like I'm forgetting how I used to be, and in turn what my symptoms actually are.

2730 Views 10 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  montrealcanadiens1996
It essentially started in june but had been experiencing other symptoms at the beginning of may and has progressively gotten worse, caused by a moment of panic over my depression.

from October everything changed it was like I gave up, at that point my head felt weird and it felt sort of relief for a moment and since then anxiety dissappeared, identity has disappeared, sense of self, can't even recognise my own consciousness, can't even think or get an idea to wany to do something, emotions have dissappeared.

I stopped being able to recognise how I used to see things and how I felt connected yo myself, in turn stoppedtrying to focus on seeing it that way again, and not focusing on said things.

Head feels empty and can't automatically think, my ability to think is gone it feels more like i'm dissociating but I'm not in a dreamlike state, the certain thoughts I have or the constant informing myself of my own symptoms which feel like I'm telling someone else my own symptoms like my thoughts are outside myself, seem to be happening in realtime where as if before they felt like I was drifting off in thought rather than being in the present.

Alot of the thoughts I have I could recognise before october and shut off and somewhat refocus,now I have lost the ability to do so, thoughts and memories sound and feel the same yet I somehow realise they are different.

my vision is clear but my head mind feels sort of like its somewhere else lingering outside of me, like I'm looking at things but my eyes are outside of my body.

Cannot focus or engage in anything, I can do activities/work without issue but I know I don't feel connected to myself in anyway, yet I can't remember how that feels.

Few months ago I used to be able to ground myself abit and feel somewhat inside myself, now its like im completely outside as if I've disconnected completely.

So in turn I am still aware things are not what they were and that they are wrong, just now I can't seem to feel those symptoms or in a way recognise them due to nearly forgetting how I used to be.

When I go to speak to people its like talking to thin air, I can't connect or direct my speech, like you know when you talk to people they become your only focus in that moment it ends up me just recognising my voices feels wrong and sounds like im talking to myself, but have currently have no self so essentially feels like im talking to someone else.

I always recognising that my voice feel as if it's far away and not my own, I used to recognise its stronger but now I'm not even sure.

As right now I don't know what to do,feels like there is no point going on.

A couple of months ago I'd think how crazy it was I could lose who I was in the space of 8 months, but here I am.

Anyone similar, or if anyone has recovered with such symptoms? Feel like im losing more and more everyday, I don't want this to become a reality and lose the symptoms I have, its like the only reminder of how I used to be.

Just hope I can who I was back and feeo whole again, really feel like the way I think at the minute won't return to normal, can't even remember what normal was really now but I know it isn't this as I have been aware of every change since it all kicked off, as of now I'm in a state of confusing because I cant even centre myself.
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I understand what you are talking about. sometimes I feel like my soul is slowly disappearing but leaving my body on auto pilot which terrifies me. almost like my body and my mind/soul are two separate things, but I know that is not how it is supposed to be. I am slipping away but am clueless how to stop it and get myself back. Sometimes I'll catch myself talking but it doesn't feel like me talking or sound like my voice. right now I am living deep into both DP and DR. both of them together is horrible. I am not hopeful anymore but my husband is. I hold onto him as much as I can. he seems to think that more involvement with the world will help but its hard for me to interact with anyone cause I can't even interact with myself the way I used to.

I don't work anymore cause it was just too difficult to be in customer service. I just walked out one day. Left my computer logged in (big security risk). my coworkers. my supervisor and just never went back. Never even answered the damn phone when my supervisor called me worried about me. I just couldn't. I stay inside almost all the time now and the only people I really talk to anymore is my husband and my grown kids when they aren't busy with their own lives. Maybe this forum will help. It seems to be the only place that truly gets what we are all going through. I wish I had a way to help you since that would mean I found a way to help myself but I don't know how to do that. Maybe someone else will. :/
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