Depersonalization Support Forum banner

Feel like I'm forgetting how I used to be, and in turn what my symptoms actually are.

2733 Views 10 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  montrealcanadiens1996
It essentially started in june but had been experiencing other symptoms at the beginning of may and has progressively gotten worse, caused by a moment of panic over my depression.

from October everything changed it was like I gave up, at that point my head felt weird and it felt sort of relief for a moment and since then anxiety dissappeared, identity has disappeared, sense of self, can't even recognise my own consciousness, can't even think or get an idea to wany to do something, emotions have dissappeared.

I stopped being able to recognise how I used to see things and how I felt connected yo myself, in turn stoppedtrying to focus on seeing it that way again, and not focusing on said things.

Head feels empty and can't automatically think, my ability to think is gone it feels more like i'm dissociating but I'm not in a dreamlike state, the certain thoughts I have or the constant informing myself of my own symptoms which feel like I'm telling someone else my own symptoms like my thoughts are outside myself, seem to be happening in realtime where as if before they felt like I was drifting off in thought rather than being in the present.

Alot of the thoughts I have I could recognise before october and shut off and somewhat refocus,now I have lost the ability to do so, thoughts and memories sound and feel the same yet I somehow realise they are different.

my vision is clear but my head mind feels sort of like its somewhere else lingering outside of me, like I'm looking at things but my eyes are outside of my body.

Cannot focus or engage in anything, I can do activities/work without issue but I know I don't feel connected to myself in anyway, yet I can't remember how that feels.

Few months ago I used to be able to ground myself abit and feel somewhat inside myself, now its like im completely outside as if I've disconnected completely.

So in turn I am still aware things are not what they were and that they are wrong, just now I can't seem to feel those symptoms or in a way recognise them due to nearly forgetting how I used to be.

When I go to speak to people its like talking to thin air, I can't connect or direct my speech, like you know when you talk to people they become your only focus in that moment it ends up me just recognising my voices feels wrong and sounds like im talking to myself, but have currently have no self so essentially feels like im talking to someone else.

I always recognising that my voice feel as if it's far away and not my own, I used to recognise its stronger but now I'm not even sure.

As right now I don't know what to do,feels like there is no point going on.

A couple of months ago I'd think how crazy it was I could lose who I was in the space of 8 months, but here I am.

Anyone similar, or if anyone has recovered with such symptoms? Feel like im losing more and more everyday, I don't want this to become a reality and lose the symptoms I have, its like the only reminder of how I used to be.

Just hope I can who I was back and feeo whole again, really feel like the way I think at the minute won't return to normal, can't even remember what normal was really now but I know it isn't this as I have been aware of every change since it all kicked off, as of now I'm in a state of confusing because I cant even centre myself.
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 1
1 - 1 of 11 Posts
Wow, this is me 100%.. I'v also been reading your other topic called 'Is this DP? please help' and it's scary how similar our symptoms are. So you are DEFO not alone in this brother.

Specially these parts reflected on my own experience perfectly:

"Keep telling myself of my own symptoms but since I don't recognise my own consciousness anymore i cant recognise my own thoughts, even though i know they are mine they don't feel like it. Feels like i am talking to myself in my head rather than thinking naturally, like ill ask myself should I go down stairs whereas usually that would be a automatic decision, its as if im completely out of sync.

When I tell myself of my own symptoms its almost as if I dissociate like im making up that im telling someone else of them, I sometimes make up conversations before I start them, keep thinking of memories and saying thinking i remember that. I used to be able to cut the off and stop such thoughts outright, now I can't, it's as control has been taken from me and I can't remember how to do it anymore. Nothing feels natural it feels like i have completely lost myself."

"I have a habit of deciding what to say next aswell like, it will pop up in my head but I will decide whether or not I should say it." (Wow, 100% me.. Sometimes I do this aswell, to stop myself from feeling so 'automatic', it gives me a sense of 'control').


Whenever I feel even a GLIMPSE of emotions (wether that would be happiness or a sence of connection to other people) i remember what it's like to be 'normal'. I'm pretty sure that we somehow have to connect to our own emotions, which will eventually make us whole again... Problem is, how the fuck am I supposed to do that being DP'D so heavily..

I have been reality checking ALL the time during DP'D and this has made things far worse for me.. Because now I even started to doubt my reality checks..

I'm starting an intensive psychotherapy course soon which hopefully will get me out of this situation..

Stay strong..

And yes, if there is someone who recovered from these specific symptoms, PLEASE respond.. Or atleast made there lives more manageble..
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 1
1 - 1 of 11 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.