Usually, I have panic attacks during which everything suddenly seems different, although I can't explain why. I remember once, when I was in the 4th grade or so, I woke up in the middle of the night crying and screaming for my mom, and I told her that "all the colors are different." I think this was my first experience with depersonalization, and that it was the only way I could think to describe it. It became a real problem about a 14 or 15 months ago. Everything seemed strange, I felt as though it was the first time I had ever really seen what was in front of me, and it was terrifying. Nothing was familiar, and I was convinced that I was going insane. I had to isolate myself in my bedroom for a few weeks, because I couldn't handle being outside and dealing with people.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm watching my life through a camera, or like I lost a piece of my soul. I'm alive biologically, but I'm not really "all there." I wonder if I'm about to go insane, or have a stroke and die, or start seizing or something. The annoying thing is that I can never get used to it. It's happened so many times, but each time I feel like this one is the time I'm really going to go insane. I feel like I can't really connect with anybody or anything, and by trying to, I'm lying to them. It's such a powerful feeling.
Thankfully, it's gotten better, but it's still a huge problem.
When I go outside, I feel like there's too much going on around me. There are too many things catching my attention at once. At night, I feel more calm, partly because there's less visual stimulation, and partly because I'm more alone and everything is more calm. However, at night, I have more trouble with "visual snow." Still, even during the day, I become preoccupied with the floaters in my eyes, because of the light.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm watching my life through a camera, or like I lost a piece of my soul. I'm alive biologically, but I'm not really "all there." I wonder if I'm about to go insane, or have a stroke and die, or start seizing or something. The annoying thing is that I can never get used to it. It's happened so many times, but each time I feel like this one is the time I'm really going to go insane. I feel like I can't really connect with anybody or anything, and by trying to, I'm lying to them. It's such a powerful feeling.
Thankfully, it's gotten better, but it's still a huge problem.When I go outside, I feel like there's too much going on around me. There are too many things catching my attention at once. At night, I feel more calm, partly because there's less visual stimulation, and partly because I'm more alone and everything is more calm. However, at night, I have more trouble with "visual snow." Still, even during the day, I become preoccupied with the floaters in my eyes, because of the light.
