Feb 1st

The majority of yesterday was good but a weird little mindfuck kind of happened while I was working on some music which was playing with me a bit. I've been working very hard on music lately and since I've been sick, I've spent my last couple days just relaxing at home working on music since I'm too sick to go to school. I did 8hours both days and I got a thought of "what if by not taking time off from school and immersing myself so heavily in music I actually prolong my DP since I'm making myself work which might cause anxiety?" or something like that. Which is sensible to a point if I'm actually stressing or taking on too much but honestly school is a breeze and music is not stressful as I enjoy it. It's also a double edged sword, if I dropped out of school and stopped making music I'd also cause anxiety by making myself unhappy, not doing things I enjoy, etc. It's a complete joke and simply the disorder trying to play around again.

The fact is this whole entire DP-DR thing is out of my control other then for controlling my thoughts, controlling my anxiety, not obsessing/worrying, etc. The rest is up to time and the brain allowing itself to come back. I'm going to keep doing the things I enjoy (which happen to be school, studying, work, etc) and if I actually get stressed, back off but I'm not going to quit the things I love in fear of the unknown and some anxiety based thoughts.

I will admit late last night and a little bit today this thought has caused some spinning/interfered with my reading/working/day, etc but for the rest of the day I'm cutting the bullshit.

This bullshit has always been the same, chill out and enjoy life, the rest will take care of itself.

We're entering the third month I've had this and by the end of it I am going to be feeling significantly better.