[peacedove]

I am in a constant state of fear. And no certain thoughts bring it on. It's just there. I was sitting at work today trying to do my job, not thinking about shit that freaks me out, just tryin to do my work. And I was terrified. I almost started to cry. I wanted to run to someone and be held like a baby. I tried to get through the day... I was so tempted to just get in my car and drive home. I made it two hours and then I had to go get a xanax from my purse. I can't even get through the day without popping a xanax!! This infuriates me.

And I just kept thinking about dying. I started to get scared that I would just lose all self-control and kill myself. I just can't take it. But I can't kill myself cuz I'm afraid I'll end up in a worse place. I'm trapped! I know I've said all this before. I thought about admitting myself to the mental hospital... but I can't do that cuz I'll lose my job and if I lose my job I lose my dogs. And that can not happen. They're my babies.

If it wasn't for them I'd probably be running around the neighborhood with a bunch of crackheads and jailbirds again. I sometimes wonder if I'd be better off that way. You never knew what to expect hangin' around those people. And I think it was a good distraction from this DP. I had other things to get scared about... and it was a good fear cuz it wasn't DP fear. It was fear that had a cause and a cause that could be dealt with.

 

[Milan]

The constant fear is very debilitating. I had it for at least 5 months. It seems to be a little better now except for early mornings when I just wake up. Mine was so bad that I had to leave work on many occasions and I felt defeated. I really don't know what to say to help but just keep doing what your doing and try not to focus on it. It may not be better but by focusing on it does make it worse. If you need meds to get through the day just take them, I did. Sometimes crying can help alleviate some of the fear, so if you need to just let it out in an appropriate place.

Milan

 

[M A R S]

I have felt just like this many times. I will hope and pray that you come out of this as soon as possible. I know exactly how you feel. So many time uncontrollable fear has driven me to the ER. I would try to go as long as you can with out the xanax, just remember this is all anxiety and you will not go crazy. I know that seems hard to believe when its going on. Im not even i can take this advice. But if you need to chat, drop me a line..

 

[Scattered]

I forgot what it felt like to be scared for no reason. But now I'm cycling back into free floating anxiety. It happens out of nowhere sometimes, other times I get preoccuppied with death or future suffering I may have to go through. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and hope you get better.

 

[widescreened]

If it wasn't for them I'd probably be running around the neighborhood with a bunch of crackheads and jailbirds again. I sometimes wonder if I'd be better off that way. You never knew what to expect hangin' around those people.

i dont think you mean this.ending up in jail with dp/dr?that would hardly make your situation any better!!
in fact,you will find one or two cues or rude awakenings in life that remind you that there are things that you care about.like your dogs,like me or anyone else stealing your purse,like loosing all your teeth.my point is that no matter how awful we feel at times,we still care about things,its just that we forget this when embroiled in existential angst.keep goin!!