I did experience constant dissociation before, but that was just mostly derealization, only slight depersonalization and existential thoughts. I recovered completely and And I can recall having that feeling of not existing when I was not hyperaware when I was recovering but I don't really know how I got past that, I sort of forgot that I think. It's so tripping all my memories even from before my depersonalization seems ace. Maybe that's why I think that I don't exist when I am not hyperaware. Because when I experience a brief moment where I'm not hyperaware, and the hyperawareness comes back it feels like waking up and I can't remember the moment when I was not hyperaware if that makes sense, as if I was not conscious at that moment. That makes me think that I am only the hyperawareness. I know that's bogus but somehow I can't even picture what it feels like to think normally again. Tomorrow I will fortunately go to the doctor hoping he can help me somehow. I can't sleep or eat properly and that's making it worse. I'm just 2 weeks in and this is unbearable already. I don't know how long I can take this.What you're saying is very relatable to many anxiety and depersonalization sufferers. Many depersonalized people have a sense of hyperawareness, sense that they don't exist, and overwhelming anxiety.
About losing hope, try to keep a little bit of hope. This scenario about becoming unconscious and not existing is in your mind. There's no reason to despair over it as if it's real.
Anyway, how are you brother and how long have you been suffering for?