G
Guest
·Hello all
One of the things about DP/DR that has worried me for years, is what do I say if I become so overwhelmed by DP that I can no longer function in public. I am not thinking so much about acting out in a wierd or crazy manner but more like I just freeze up as i am frightened to walk because I feel so unreal, confused, and disoriented.
A few weeks ago shortly after I had begun extending the time between my Xanax doasges I found myself stuck in heavy traffic at a particularly bad intersection. There is an incredibly long wait till the light turns green. I was stuck as the first car in the left turn lane. I was surrounded by cars in all directions and i started having the feeling of fusing with them and loosing my bodily boundaries. I began having perceptual distortions and felt mounting panic. I seriously felt that I might have to abandon the car and make a run for it. On either side were large shopping malls. So in a certain sense I had nowhere to run.
Sometimes waiting in line surrounded by people in a department store I have felt that if my DP got any worse I would pass out or collapse onto the floor. My DP/DR can get that bad. Fortunately such extremes are rare, in fact haven't ever really happened at all but the fear of getting so "out of it" is disabling and terrifying in its own right.
If things actually got that bad and I did collapse or become unable to talk coherently because i was in such a panic state what could I possibly say to make anyone understand my behavior?
I could tell the truth and say I was having a panic attack brought on by "depersonalization" and "derealization" yet I fear that many people might make a "moral" judgement and assume I was simply suffering from anxiety and that I could control my mental state if i really wanted too. I feel they would tend to minimize my disorientation, fear and confusion. And make critical insensitive evaluations of me as a person.
So I think I have come up with an answer to this dilemma. I will simply say that I have temporal lobe epilepsy and am having an attack. I have no real reason to think I actually have "TLE" but then again some of the symptoms are indeed very similar to what I experience.
Here are some of the symptoms I found online.
o Patients may report distortions of shape, size, and distance of objects.
o Things may appear shrunken (micropsia) or larger (macropsia) than usual.
o Tilting of structures has been reported. Vertigo has been described with seizures in the posterior superior temporal gyrus.
* Psychic phenomena
o Patients may have a feeling of d?j? vu or jamais vu, a sense of familiarity or unfamiliarity, respectively.
o Patients may experience depersonalization (ie, feeling of detachment from oneself) or derealization (ie, surroundings appear unreal).
o Fear or anxiety usually is associated with seizures arising from the amygdala.
o Patients may describe a sense of dissociation or autoscopy, in which they report seeing their own body from outside.
In general I have found that many people are more sympathetic to, and understanding of, physical disorders than psychological ones and physical disorders are seldom drawn in to the "moral domain" like psychological ones often are.
Anyway if I ever do get to the point where I find myself completely "frozen" and unable to function in a public setting, Temporal lobe epilepsy will be my explanation. Having some simple explanation to give makes the fear and worry of a treaded "public crack up" less compelling, at least for me.
john
One of the things about DP/DR that has worried me for years, is what do I say if I become so overwhelmed by DP that I can no longer function in public. I am not thinking so much about acting out in a wierd or crazy manner but more like I just freeze up as i am frightened to walk because I feel so unreal, confused, and disoriented.
A few weeks ago shortly after I had begun extending the time between my Xanax doasges I found myself stuck in heavy traffic at a particularly bad intersection. There is an incredibly long wait till the light turns green. I was stuck as the first car in the left turn lane. I was surrounded by cars in all directions and i started having the feeling of fusing with them and loosing my bodily boundaries. I began having perceptual distortions and felt mounting panic. I seriously felt that I might have to abandon the car and make a run for it. On either side were large shopping malls. So in a certain sense I had nowhere to run.
Sometimes waiting in line surrounded by people in a department store I have felt that if my DP got any worse I would pass out or collapse onto the floor. My DP/DR can get that bad. Fortunately such extremes are rare, in fact haven't ever really happened at all but the fear of getting so "out of it" is disabling and terrifying in its own right.
If things actually got that bad and I did collapse or become unable to talk coherently because i was in such a panic state what could I possibly say to make anyone understand my behavior?
I could tell the truth and say I was having a panic attack brought on by "depersonalization" and "derealization" yet I fear that many people might make a "moral" judgement and assume I was simply suffering from anxiety and that I could control my mental state if i really wanted too. I feel they would tend to minimize my disorientation, fear and confusion. And make critical insensitive evaluations of me as a person.
So I think I have come up with an answer to this dilemma. I will simply say that I have temporal lobe epilepsy and am having an attack. I have no real reason to think I actually have "TLE" but then again some of the symptoms are indeed very similar to what I experience.
Here are some of the symptoms I found online.
o Patients may report distortions of shape, size, and distance of objects.
o Things may appear shrunken (micropsia) or larger (macropsia) than usual.
o Tilting of structures has been reported. Vertigo has been described with seizures in the posterior superior temporal gyrus.
* Psychic phenomena
o Patients may have a feeling of d?j? vu or jamais vu, a sense of familiarity or unfamiliarity, respectively.
o Patients may experience depersonalization (ie, feeling of detachment from oneself) or derealization (ie, surroundings appear unreal).
o Fear or anxiety usually is associated with seizures arising from the amygdala.
o Patients may describe a sense of dissociation or autoscopy, in which they report seeing their own body from outside.
In general I have found that many people are more sympathetic to, and understanding of, physical disorders than psychological ones and physical disorders are seldom drawn in to the "moral domain" like psychological ones often are.
Anyway if I ever do get to the point where I find myself completely "frozen" and unable to function in a public setting, Temporal lobe epilepsy will be my explanation. Having some simple explanation to give makes the fear and worry of a treaded "public crack up" less compelling, at least for me.
john
