Not the other way around.
See our problem is this: We view Life as something Fearful. We say life is fear, so in order to avoid fear we choose to "live" as little as possible. We hide in DP.
But if you say "Fear is life", you're doing two things: 1) accepting fear as part of life and 2) getting an INCREDIBLE amount of power and control over your life, yes it's scary but it's more control than you ever got when you tried controlling the fear.
See, sometimes it's good to be in control, but only when you accept that the world is uncertain and your control is that you will consciously make the choices when things go wrong.
We look at fear as bad.
As I've said before in another post (and quoted from the book "If it Hurts, It's NOT Love":
FEAR Is almost EXCITEMENT.
Yes, those times when you are so afraid of doing something...
like asking a girl out
talking to a teacher about a test
trying out for a talent show
etc
NORMAL fears that EVERYONE has
well, what you've been doing instead of facing those normal fears is hide away into DP...you've started fearing the fear.
My god, most of our problem is not what happens to us but the distorted lens we use to view it!
Yes, fear is uncomfortable and produces anxiety. But not the "I'm going insane in the abyss" anxiety. It's a different kind of anxiety. It's NORMAL anxiety. And it feels good. It makes you feel alive when you know you are about to take a big risk. You feel SO powerful and you have your self and your life in your hands.
We all want control. That's why in DP we "controlled" away anything uncomfortable.
That's not control. That's letting things control you.
For example,you don't confront someone that made you mad. because you don't want them to hate you. so you "control" the situation by avoiding them. But that just makes that other person have control over you, because you're always thinking about it.
If you went up and said the truth, then YOU would be in control. NO, you would NOT be in control of how they reacted, but you would be in control of your OWN feelings, which is something you've never done before and honestly, once you're in control of your own feelings, you don't really worry as much whether the person is mad or not! Yeah it affects you but it doesn't KILL you!
When you are in control, when you accept that this world is scary and uncertain and your only part is to know that bad things cuold happen and that when they come you will be prepared to respond (but you won't be prepared ahead of time!), if you can accept that,
you're un-fucking-stoppable.
So yeah.
Welcome fear. BE afraid. FEEL the excitement and lack of deadness when you go to confront someone or step out into the world or do a dare. Don't see it as a crippling element. See it is adrenaline, see it as the life force. See it as necessary discomfort that will take you to a FAR more comfortable place. (Hey you do enough of this then your free time really WILL be more comfortable! Sometimes when you stop searching for something and go the opposite direction you immediately find it!)
This is a major part of DP, guys.
Actually, all DP is is looking at stuff in a severely distorted way. We have symptoms where everything DOES look weird, well it's kind of a metaphor for the fact that WE have been looking at everything the wrong way for a long time. And because that one view was all we knew and so important for protection (basically that view was one of our defenses) we can't just let go of it when it is challenged.
But now it's time to get new views.
