Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wandered across this sight and spotted some familiarities...

Never had any mental problems, always been sickeningly healthy and happy. Two years ago I started university and found myself ridiculously drunk. As one often does at university. I ended up taking two different half pills of MDMA (ecstasy). The night was fun, I kept myself watered, went to bed happy. Next day I awoke with a feeling of detatchment, as if something was 'missing'. I put it down to the fabled 'come down' however that evening I had what I assume was a panic attack. I had an acute feeling of looking out from inside my head, being a casual (and scared) observer to what followed. Cue lots of dunking of face in cold water to rouse myself out of it. Whilst dripping wet I had the sensation that the reflection in the bathroom mirror wasn't really me. Became more panicked and was quite sure I was about to black out/ die.

Eventually the panic attack subsided and I calmed down. However, the feeling that something was 'different' remained with me. For days. For weeks. For months. And now for years. It fortunately is mostly quite acute, I function very happily. However, occasionally, I find myself feeling that im not quite as lucid as i was pre ecstasy. I find myself sometimes migrating back 'inside' my head, as if I am a body looking out of another body or I am just on the peripheral of reality and not in the centre of it as i once was. When i feel like this it usually causes me to panic. I have occasionally felt that I may be dreaming that I am awake and found it hard to distinguish between dream and reality. And this one scares the shit out of me. I dont feel as connected with the world as i once did. I am afraid I never will. Obviously that one experience scared me off all drugs for good. (Fortunately).

I wonder if it could be physical brain damage causing this or psychological. I have always been anti drugs and felt quite guilty after the event, im sure Freud could allude to all this being caused by a guilt reflex or some other psychoanalytical buzz word. I have also always been paranoid about lighter drugs in the past; one occasion I thought i was about to die after smoking weed. (Obviously i didn't.) I felt moments of similar paranoia and detatchment at that time but they cleared after an afternoon nap.

The feelings always intensify whenever I talk about/ think about drugs which leads me to the suspicion it is my over active imagination scaring me for laughs. Oh you humerous self. Seriously though, I am scared this is it now. Im destined to be in the margins of reality for ever.

Please, any other experiences and will I ever land?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
95 Posts
I've wondered about the brain damage thing myself, but now I've been reading this forum, I've 99% eliminated that thought from my head. It's clear that a lot of drugs can trigger this, although it may not be the drug itself, it may just magnify things that are already in your head. And the fact that people can be thrown into it without doing drugs is comforting to me that it isn't brain damage.

I also feel the guilt you talk about. I'm mostly anti-drugs, I never did anything other than weed. However, I feel I don't deserve to learn my lesson this way, so I also feel angry at something, maybe at God, for putting me in this world of the sureal. I now hate to be around weed smoke, and I get more of a stonned feeling if I have to sit in a room full of it, probably as a psychological reaction to the situation.

I hope you do land! You seem to only have it in waves, so maybe you can learn to avoid the waves, somehow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I appreciate your reply and it has been quite enlightening. I have read a few more posts and am now in agreement that it is most likely psychological damage associated to the post guilt i felt and the fear of a social conditioning that 'all drugs are bad and will do you harm'. It is also surprisingly cathartic to write my story down. I do feel slightly ashamed that this is self induced, I really sympathise with the people who have DP triggered by other external influences other than drugs, however, like you, I do sometimes think 'what the fuck, why did it happen to me!' I guess we shouldn't punish ourselves for being naive and curious.

And thankyou for your time to reply. It has helped.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Hi,
I?ve been reading your posts here, and I found some very interesting connection... My DP/DR was triggered by first marihuana joint in my life - two months ago. Ever before, I was very agains drugs, like you write - I always said, drugs are bad, don?t smoke pot, using extacy is so bad etc. And now, I just wanted to make "sure", y?know. Well, I did. I?m in terrible and permanent state of dpdr.
So, I just wanted you to know - my story is pretty much the same..
Good luck to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12 Posts
Wow, that is kind of like what happened to me.

I am very anti-harsh drug (alcohol and weed are considered not harsh). Anyways I made a pie a month ago, and put in what I later found out to be wayy too much nutmeg. I began feeling nausous 5 hours later, and began to see and hear things, and was detached from my body. I completely freaked out, because this came out of NOWHERE!!!

Thew next day, when I awoke, the extreme sensations had dulled into what I had thought at the time to be a mild come-down from whatever happened. It sort of resembled a weed high (the dissconnection). I looked on the internet and searched nutmeg, and discovered that it has phychoactive properties very similar to ecstacy. This completely freaked me out. I was so scared because I have heard of all the dangers of ecstacy, and thought that I had fried my brain.

I later discovered that it was these feelings of fear that were contribuing to my dissconnection which persists to this day. It has only been a month, but a lot of progress has been made. Basically I have come to terms with what has happened. I know I will get better.

A big tip I have is exercise. Exercise will make you feel happy and forget about what your going through. Plus I have read about it and it may contribute to the brain and balancing out some chemicals that may be causing DP (don't quote me on that :p ).

The big thing to remember is that your brain is not damaged. It will get better, the only way your brain can be damaged by drugs is over a loooong period of excessive use. All of the studies of drug related brain damage were with consistant users. One time, even one bad experience is not going to physically harm you. Just stay positive, and you'll get through.
 
G

·
Better watch how much nutmeg we sprinkle on at Starbucks. Actually, I use the cinammon -- wonder what that might do?

But, Marijuanna triggers DP/DR big time. I had spells of DP/DR B4 but my 4th try of M triggered the worst DP/DR that I have ever experienced.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top