[lone wolf]

I'm bringing out this question again, as the thread about this thingy was disappeared lately. Actually sc has already written a good post of fear and DP, how the fear keeps DP alive... But the most peculiar thing with me is the reason I'm even afraid of getting rid of DR. Next Friday I will have a meeting with a psychiatric nurse and soon after that a meeting with a doctor, as I wish to get into talk therapy in order to get some insights in relation to my fears and DR. Meanwhile I'll write this post though...

Indeed I'd love to know why I am so afraid of things, and why I have had only two fleeting DR-free moments during all these fifteen years derealized within the invisible icy walls (well, I realize nobody else than me may be able to answer these questions, so please be patient with me). I guess I somehow got the fear in control during those two brief real instants, but I'm puzzled why can't I make DR disappear by will power alone, just by focusing outward? It seems nothing I do can make this icy wall melt away, but still I have experienced those two DR-free moments. I wonder why...

I also wonder is it necessary to know the reasons behind the fear to get it disappear, or should I just ignore the reasons AND the fear in my mind and just live my everyday life as usual. Anyway, I'd love to know the reasons behind my fear, the cause of my DR, and that's why I'm looking for talk therapy - but I'm also aware about the possibility of never finding any reasons... :?: Is it crucial to understand the fear on the path toward recovery, or is it possible to recover only by ignoring the fear?

Oh, I'm rambling now........well I guess I'll post this incoherent babble of a post still, though I'm not sure did I make any sense here. I'd just be interested how to deal with the fear behind DR - this is really the question I'd like to find an answer... So please reply, if you have any insights - thanks.

 

[lone wolf]

Oh no - did I ask something, which is impossible to find an answer (again)...? OK, I try to clarify my question:

I'd like to know what do you others think about this - is it crucial for the healing process to understand one's fears, recognize why and what they are, or can recovery happen just by ignoring the fears? I guess DP/DR are a kind of 'fear/anxiety filter' - at least derealized I don't seem to fear anything, though I realize I get a mild anxiety attack at once, when I think about the chance the icy wall of derealization melting away. But what about the anxiety/fear in itself, which is behind DP/DR keeping it alive - do I have to understand the reason for the fear in order to get the recovery process begin? Or do I have to just accept the fear within and live my everyday life like I have already done, not letting the fear interrupt it but never really finding out the reasons behind the fear; those factors that keep the fear alive?

I'd be most thankful, if any of you had some insights - Janine? Anyone?

 

[1A]

I'm bringing out this question again, as the thread about this thingy was disappeared lately. Actually sc has already written a good post of fear and DP, how the fear keeps DP alive... But the most peculiar thing with me is the reason I'm even afraid of getting rid of DR. Next Friday I will have a meeting with a psychiatric nurse and soon after that a meeting with a doctor, as I wish to get into talk therapy in order to get some insights in relation to my fears and DR. Meanwhile I'll write this post though...

I can relate, Ninnu. Your post here describes my condition perfectly. We could be twins. I too have this bizarre fear of getting well again, and being DP/DR free.

Indeed I'd love to know why I am so afraid of things, and why I have had only two fleeting DR-free moments during all these fifteen years derealized within the invisible icy walls (well, I realize nobody else than me may be able to answer these questions, so please be patient with me).

I have had a few brief episodes of being DP/DR free, over the past decade. October 27, later this month, marks the 10th year anniversary of my onset of pretty much nonstop 24/7 DP/DR. I feel very anxious all the time, confined to my house much, much more than I'd like. It's rare for the fog to lift.

I guess I somehow got the fear in control during those two brief real instants, but I'm puzzled why can't I make DR disappear by will power alone, just by focusing outward? It seems nothing I do can make this icy wall melt away, but still I have experienced those two DR-free moments. I wonder why...

I sometimes find that the more I focus on myself, the more the DP/DR lessens. I realize I am but one small person in the entire world, and that I take up a very, very small space.

Rather than fight the symptoms, learning to relax towards them can be beneficial. Otherwise, you're fighting 24/7 and ten years later, you feel pretty much the same. Minimal improvement.

I also wonder is it necessary to know the reasons behind the fear to get it disappear, or should I just ignore the reasons AND the fear in my mind and just live my everyday life as usual. Anyway, I'd love to know the reasons behind my fear, the cause of my DR, and that's why I'm looking for talk therapy - but I'm also aware about the possibility of never finding any reasons... :?: Is it crucial to understand the fear on the path toward recovery, or is it possible to recover only by ignoring the fear?

I would think you can recover by addressing and acknowledging the fear -- not by ignorning it. That's just my opinion, though.

I know the reason for my DP/DR. It all started when I thought I was mere minutes or seconds away from death. In reality, it was "just" a panic attack.

Best to you. I hope Janine is able to post here and provide you with her take.

Jeff

 

[Guest]

Jeff - Are you going to cry when Kerry is our new president?

VOTE KERRY!

 

[JAG]

YES! VOTE KERRY! you tell'm Kari!

 

[1A]

Jeff - Are you going to cry when Kerry is our new president?

I won't have to....

Current EVs (Oct. 14) by State

Projected EVs (Nov. 2) by State

I do give Kerry credit for doing really well at the first two debates. Bush was really weak during the first two rounds. He delivered a knock-out blow last night, however.

This won't help either...

DNC ELECTION MANUAL: CHARGE VOTER INTIMIDATION, EVEN IF NONE EXISTS

Your generation is even more conservative than mine. MTV won't even publicly release their polling data among the 18 to 25 demographic, simply because the majority would/will vote Republican.

The dinosaur media (ABC, CBS, NBC) has lost its monopoly. The New Media (Talk Radio, the Internet and Blogs) is prevailing. Just look to FOX News' ratings vs. CNN.

CABLE NEWS DEBATE PEAK: FOXNEWS 6,942,000 VIEWERS; CNN 3,803,000; MSNBC 2,077,000.

Jeff

 

[lone wolf]

Hi Jeff, finally I will have enough time (and ability to think) that I can answer your post...

I can relate, Ninnu. Your post here describes my condition perfectly. We could be twins. I too have this bizarre fear of getting well again, and being DP/DR free.

Yes, me too find it weird to fear recovery. If I recall my early experience of DR while I was fourteen, I wasn't afraid of life free of derealization. I guess (but this is just a guess) my fear may have something to do with the length of DR, as I do not remember anymore how DR-free life feels like. Or then not... But the fact is that I have become so used to this constant state being inside invisible icy walls, so I hardly remember anymore how did I feel life before DR. In fact I have such a dim memory of DR-free life that it is more like imagining the whole thing than actually remembering. :?

I have had a few brief episodes of being DP/DR free, over the past decade. October 27, later this month, marks the 10th year anniversary of my onset of pretty much nonstop 24/7 DP/DR. I feel very anxious all the time, confined to my house much, much more than I'd like. It's rare for the fog to lift.

I feel relieved I can relate to your experience, it makes me feel not so alone with this. Though I am sorry you too have to experience life through invisible walls... I can't understand why do I have this icy wall around me 24/7, if I possess the ability to live life without it. I think I have the ability of being DR-free, bc I have had those two real moments in my past. I guess both of those two DR-free moments were based on my sudden lack of fear toward my surroundings and the other people, during those instants I felt I belonged to the world and to the other people's company. That's why I think those two things, the feeling of not belonging and the fear of people, are the greatest obstacles in my way to DR-free life.

Indeed deep inside I do not feel belonging to the world surrounding me, as I feel the clumsy culture of adulthood threatening somehow. It was so much easier to live my life as a child, as it was allowed to show one's happiness freely and spontaniously at that time. But being an adult... There are so many manners and small talk etc, those alone make me feel detached so many times. It is difficult to be an adult, so much more difficult than to be a child.

I sometimes find that the more I focus on myself, the more the DP/DR lessens. I realize I am but one small person in the entire world, and that I take up a very, very small space.

Rather than fight the symptoms, learning to relax towards them can be beneficial. Otherwise, you're fighting 24/7 and ten years later, you feel pretty much the same. Minimal improvement.

I really can relate... Sometimes I have felt DR lessen, when I have focused on myself and the surroundings in my nearhood. But DR never goes away though, it is just like the icy wall would melt a bit and become more transparent. I agree with you that fighting the symptoms doesn't lead me anywhere. Most of my time I do not give any notice to DR, I have got used to it so well. But I'm aware I might be much more productive in my life, if I needn't live inside these icy walls. But I try to do my best regarding my hobbies and the uni, nevertheless I have DR. It is better to live with DR than just suffer and do nothing. I'm so happy am not at all depressed anymore, it was a constant hell for me, lasting for a decade.

I would think you can recover by addressing and acknowledging the fear -- not by ignorning it. That's just my opinion, though.

I know the reason for my DP/DR. It all started when I thought I was mere minutes or seconds away from death. In reality, it was "just" a panic attack.

Yes, I guess you are right. I just would like to know why am I so afraid of things, why I need the safety walls of DR around me...? I think the DR for me is a coping mechanism, but I am not exactly sure, why and what do I fear so much that I need the icy walls around me for safety. One good guess is the fear of the rigid adult world, but am not sure. But I think it may have something to do with those things I wrote earlier in this post. :?: I'm glad that I finally got the chance to go to talk therapy, I hope I could get some answers there. I have many questions in my mind, which I don't have any answers yet... Let's see.

 

[Guest]

Whatever traumatic event was the culprit for me, or likely my pre-determined reaction to that events or events..........has long since passed. I do not think it is particularly important at this stage. What IS important is how I process fear. How I perceive myself relative to my surroundings. How able I feel I am to survive. How I cope.

I became afraid - very afraid. As in, something far beyond a normal intensity of fear. The sensations produced by this fear, were very frightening. For me, depersonalizing was a reasonable, logical, even necessary response to this fear. I could not deal with it. My coping mechanisms (obviously faulty) became overwhelmed. My options were to remove myself from the situation, or die (lose my mind.) (Subconsciously) I chose to remove myself. To DP. Itself a manifestation of fear. My fear then became focused.....on one aspect of fear - DP.
Christ, this is hard to type about. Bottom line - I am afraid of being afraid. Afraid of fear. I saw what fear looks like, in a brutally clear fashion. It scared me. I exited stage left (DP'ed), leaving me DP (fear) to try to live with. I cannot forget this fear. It would be both illogical and emotionally dangerous to become un-afraid of the fear. And - I think is it impossible. At least for me.
Again, for me, I think the answer may lie in somehow developing a less destructive response to fear. To arrive at more effective coping mechanisms.
I am essentially afraid of only one thing - DP. The very thing I am using to cope with other fears.