[lj23p]

Hey guys,

So I just had a list of a few questions for those who consider themselves 100% recovered. I personally consider myself to be well on the way there - I understand what DP is, the feelings of it don't bother me that much (and when they do, I can quickly divert my mind back to the present and focus outward), I've gotten my life back together (back in college, socializing, working out, etc.) The one part of this which seems to be the last hurdle for me is the intrusive, existential thoughts bit. Not to trigger people (although if you're on this forum you've more than likely already had the majority of these thoughts), but I can't seem to stop obsessing over things like the nature of reality, the origin of the universe, the inherent strangeness and, most intensely recently, death and what happens when we die. What's funny is that I can recall thinking about pretty much any of these topics before I was DP'd, and my reaction to them was very different - I didn't freak out over them and even if I felt uncomfortable about certain existential topics (such as Elon Musk's simulation theory), I didn't view it as that important and was quickly able to go back to whatever I was doing that day with no residual side effects. It seems that now I've opened a door or had some grand realization to ideas such as the fact that we don't know what happens when we die.

I think the biggest reason I'm having trouble letting go of these thoughts is because they seem extremely relevant, urgent, and important. For example, even if I recover 100% from DP tomorrow, the fact that I still have to die one day remains. It baffles me that normal, non anxious people can be NOT obsessed with the fact that we essentially have no clue how the fuck we got here or what the fuck happens when we leave. It just seems so insurmountably important, and it feels as though when I was one of the normal ones who could have a conversation about those types of things in the past, I was deluded and hadn't realized the urgency of the situation. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, onto the questions I had promised (also, feel free to ask me any questions if you want me to clarify anything I've just previously said).

1) How long did you have DP for

2) What basic techniques did you employ to recover

3) What kind of obsessive thought patterns / biggest fears / dp thoughts did you have whilst DP'd

4) For those of you who suffered particularly from existential thoughts, how did your relationship to these thoughts change as you recovered, and how do you feel about them now that you're 100% better?

5) Do the thoughts stop coming up now that you've recovered?

Thanks for the time, it just seems I need to clear this last hurdle but it seems like an impossibly high jump at the moment.

 

[DerealizedDutchie]

"It baffles me that normal, non anxious people can be NOT obsessed with the fact that we essentially have no clue how the fuck we got here or what the fuck happens when we leave. It just seems so insurmountably important, and it feels as though when I was one of the normal ones who could have a conversation about those types of things in the past, I was deluded and hadn't realized the urgency of the situation. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, onto the questions I had promised (also, feel free to ask me any questions if you want me to clarify anything I've just previously said"

I TOTALLY relate to this haha, like a 1000%. I literally always wonder how everyone can be living their lives when there are these urgent life-questions around. When i'm looking at my parents i'm like: ''yo why arent you freaking out about the fact that your life is going to end in 20 years. lol.

 

[Chiara699]

Hi! I'll try to answer as well as I can.
1) I had DP for about 9 months in 2015, which spontaneously went away and then again in 2018 for another 9 months, which I treated.

2) I honestly didn't have any techniques to cope with the symptoms, that's why I was basically miserable the whole time ahah. What worked for me was finding the right medication (zyprexa). once the medication started making me feel better I just started getting on with life and as soon as I went back to university everything was back to normal in like three days.

3) my main, craziest thought was that I was gonna be myself for my whole life. Like, I was born Chiara and I was gonna die Chiara. Most doctors I talked to thought that I had just some self esteem issues. But my problem wasn't being myself, but the fact that I had only one possible body and life path. I saw my life as this long, limited line that I was gonna have to live only in my skin (I know, super weird). And of course I had a whole lot of other crazy thoughts haunting me but I honestly don't remember them now (yep, you're gonna get there I promise)

4) they just disappeared. One day I woke up and realized that all I could think about was what I was gonna have for breakfast instead of thinking that I was trapped in my body and life was just a weird messy thing. And now I can barely recall what was so painful and took over my life just seven months ago.

5) yeah, they basically never come up, or if they do they don't get stuck in my head for more than 30 seconds.

Hope this made sense and was helpful.

 

[G-din Glodarski]

Hi! I'll try to answer as well as I can.
1) I had DP for about 9 months in 2015, which spontaneously went away and then again in 2018 for another 9 months, which I treated.

2) I honestly didn't have any techniques to cope with the symptoms, that's why I was basically miserable the whole time ahah. What worked for me was finding the right medication (zyprexa). once the medication started making me feel better I just started getting on with life and as soon as I went back to university everything was back to normal in like three days.

3) my main, craziest thought was that I was gonna be myself for my whole life. Like, I was born Chiara and I was gonna die Chiara. Most doctors I talked to thought that I had just some self esteem issues. But my problem wasn't being myself, but the fact that I had only one possible body and life path. I saw my life as this long, limited line that I was gonna have to live only in my skin (I know, super weird). And of course I had a whole lot of other crazy thoughts haunting me but I honestly don't remember them now (yep, you're gonna get there I promise)

4) they just disappeared. One day I woke up and realized that all I could think about was what I was gonna have for breakfast instead of thinking that I was trapped in my body and life was just a weird messy thing. And now I can barely recall what was so painful and took over my life just seven months ago.

5) yeah, they basically never come up, or if they do they don't get stuck in my head for more than 30 seconds.

Hope this made sense and was helpful.

That is my craziest thought as well!!!! It shocks my body when it comes to my mind. It's like "you're you and you will be you for the rest of your life" and I get goosebumps just thinking about that. I tried talking to friends but saying it out loud makes it sound so stupid and everyone's like yeah who else would you be. But that's exactly the point I guess, all of these people on this planet and I was born as ME, and I will never experience life as they do, all I have is MY perception of things, everything I know is just something that I processed or experienced. And it will be like that for the rest of my life. Ughh
Anyway do you still struggle with this thought or you managed to lower it's power over you?
I'm scared that I'll never be able to unsee what I "saw" or realized during my depersonalization.

 

[Cammac498]

I've had DPDR for about 5 months and I think most of it is gone but I still have these lingering feelings that are super weird and disturbing. Like I feel weird that I experience life in first person even though I always have? Or I'll have weird thoughts and feelings about me being me and that I will always be me until I die and it makes me feel anxious and almost trapped in my own body which makes no sense either, and that everything I experience is through myself and this body I am in. I also often have weird thoughts about the fact that I'm a living breathing person and that I'm an individual even though I always have been. All these thoughts are extremely weird and they almost make me feel like life is pointless in some weird way. Does anyone who has recovered know if this is like an after effect? Been a couple weeks now, will it last forever? I really hate this

 

[Chiara699]

That is my craziest thought as well!!!! It shocks my body when it comes to my mind. It's like "you're you and you will be you for the rest of your life" and I get goosebumps just thinking about that. I tried talking to friends but saying it out loud makes it sound so stupid and everyone's like yeah who else would you be. But that's exactly the point I guess, all of these people on this planet and I was born as ME, and I will never experience life as they do, all I have is MY perception of things, everything I know is just something that I processed or experienced. And it will be like that for the rest of my life. Ughh
Anyway do you still struggle with this thought or you managed to lower it's power over you?
I'm scared that I'll never be able to unsee what I "saw" or realized during my depersonalization.

I was totally able to 'unsee' all of the thoughts. I clearly remember that one particular thought because it's what triggered everything and it's what I always tried to explain to people. I am 100% back to normal. Sometimes I still feel like I'm living in a dream, but maybe also because my life is much better than I ever thought it could be.
I used to think of my thoughts as some sort of 'realization' of the weirdness of life and that there was no going back. I had become an observer, but once you get caught into life again you're gonna be back to normal.
Not only have I managed to lower its power over me, I haven't thought about it in MONTHS.

 

[Chiara699]

I've had DPDR for about 5 months and I think most of it is gone but I still have these lingering feelings that are super weird and disturbing. Like I feel weird that I experience life in first person even though I always have? Or I'll have weird thoughts and feelings about me being me and that I will always be me until I die and it makes me feel anxious and almost trapped in my own body which makes no sense either, and that everything I experience is through myself and this body I am in. I also often have weird thoughts about the fact that I'm a living breathing person and that I'm an individual even though I always have been. All these thoughts are extremely weird and they almost make me feel like life is pointless in some weird way. Does anyone who has recovered know if this is like an after effect? Been a couple weeks now, will it last forever? I really hate this

Hi! Okay so, my advice on this is:
1) there's no way other people can tell you whether it's an after effect because everyone's recovery is different. For me, it was the first thought I had and the last that went away basically.
2) I think that the crucial thing is not to read into it too much. If you keep wondering if it's an after effect or if it's a new symptom or if you're gonna have it forever or if etc etc, you're gonna get stuck in a new thought pattern. I know it's really difficult, trust me. When you're in that kind of pain you want to analyze every little change trying to find some answers. But truth is, we always lose against our minds. Fighting and over analyzing is not the answer.
Are you seeing a therapist/psychiatrist? I highly recommend that!

 

[julz]

I actually was wanting to know as well, if we can ever unsee the mindframe of DP... I find myself feeling normal going on about life but then remember DP and then im back in it...does it go away? I have been recovered before but this time feels worse.

 

[Chiara699]

I actually was wanting to know as well, if we can ever unsee the mindframe of DP... I find myself feeling normal going on about life but then remember DP and then im back in it...does it go away? I have been recovered before but this time feels worse.

Same thing here. I had first recovered in 2015 and when it came back it felt worse. But yes. It does go away. And I think you're on the right path!
I mean, I was a total zombie from like April to July. I could barely speak, I'm not exaggerating. Like when my friends or my family talk about something that happened during that time span I literally don't remember it happened because I wasn't there at all.
Then in August I started feeling better and I decided to go back to university (my hometown is like on the other side of the country from where I go to university) and by October I was totally fine. In October I went to Denmark with my boyfriend (I was so sure I would have never been able to travel again). Then in December we broke up and I thought I was gonna relapse but I was okay. I was sad for a while and then after a couple of months things started going well again. Totally normal reaction. In January I joined a project at my university and went to the Maldives for research. It was amazing. I have my life back, and it has never felt this good.
I know this was a bit off topic, but I wanted to let you truly understand how my life changed over the course of a couple of months.
My perception of life has definitely changed, I'm not gonna lie. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. I have grown and it is okay. Just keep holding on for a while, it'll be alright.